Trauma Responses in Yoni Massage and How to Navigate Them
Hello, my lovely lumps!
I wanted to write a post about this topic to follow up a video I made a while back about cervical/yoni de-armouring and how to use a wand or cervix serpent to release tension and trauma from your pelvic bowl.
In the video I talked about how we store trauma, emotions and potentially memories in our tissues and especially inside our vagina. For more info on this you can check out the video on how to do your own Yoni de-armouring with a cervix serpent or read this epic book about how trauma works and is stored in the body.
I now want to chat to you about how to recognise if a trauma response may be happening to you while you work with your yoni - either solo or with a partner/practitioner - and what to do to navigate this if it does happen.
Why would I get a trauma response when doing yoni massage or de-armouring?
Well, since our body holds trauma and emotion and this can be stored in the form of physically tense muscles and ligaments, when you do touch upon or massage these areas where tension (and trauma) is being held it can then trigger a release, not only of the physical tension, but of whatever emotional energy or trauma is trapped there too.
This means that sometimes with yoni work, memories associated with that trauma or emotion being held in the body can surface, strong emotional reactions can be triggered, and a bodily response can occur that might feel uncomfortable.
When these sorts of responses happen, if they push your edge too much or fall outside of your “window of tolerance”, it can result in a trauma response in your nervous system.
This means that it may trigger your Fight/Flight/Freeze responses and you will be thrown into a space where you are functioning from one of these without your control, or sometimes even your knowledge.
How do I tell if I’m having a trauma response during yoni massage?
You may feel major resistance or a strong need to stop because of overwhelming emotions or feelings.
You may have memories surfacing that are confronting, shocking or triggering.
You may experience a wave of exhaustion or tiredness, or just freeze up entirely.
You may have sickening feelings of shame, fear or utter terror come up.
You may check out completely or numb out so that you can’t feel your body.
You may dissociate and disconnect and then come to scrolling on your phone without any memory of what happened in between and how you got there.
These don’t always mean you’re in trauma but they can be an indicator and so are super important to be aware of and know what to do if they do present themselves and you find yourself stuck.
What to do if I notice a potential trauma response:
(These can be approaches you do yourself OR if you notice a potential trauma response in a partner or another person you can instruct them to do these things calmly, confidently and gently.)
Breathe and focus on your breath. Try to take slow, deep breaths and elongate your exhale as this activates the parasympathetic branch of your nervous system which acts to calm things down in the body.
Touch yourself to connect to the rest of your body to help ground yourself. Hold yourself or give yourself some grounding reassuring touch and bring awareness to your physical body in that moment.
Open your eyes and look at the space you’re in. Notice different features in your environment and describe your surroundings, either in your head or out loud. Pay attention to where you are and what you can see with your eyes.
Bring in a bit of movement. If you’re in freeze, you may need to just introduce a tiny bit of movement in your body to get things going, so even if it’s just a little wriggle of your pinky finger or toes, try to move your body to ease yourself out of freeze.
What to do after a trauma response:
Aftercare is super important when you’ve had a trauma response occur so I recommend not rushing off to get on with your day or distracting yourself with social media or the like!
It’s important not to push into it too much when you have a response like this in case you re-traumatise yourself, but it’s also a good idea not to just jump out of the experience abruptly and halt the process in it’s tracks.
Pause and take some deliberate, conscious breaths. Stay with yourself, become present with what’s going on within you and around you.
Once your nervous system has called it’s jets you can decide to either slowly proceed with what you were doing - if it feels right and safe to continue the yoni massage - or wind down the session.
Feel into what you need here as it can sometimes still be beneficial and nourishing to continue with the yoni work, or it can be enough for that session and you can bring it to a gentle close.
Some great approaches to aftercare involve staying with yourself with presence and doing something that feels grounding and SAFE.
Eg. Yoga, meditation, having a bath, cuddling a safe person/partner, dancing, spending time in nature or connecting to the earth, going for a swim, lying on the grass or sand, etc.
Just as long as it’s something that helps you stay connected to your body and that feels well within your comfort zone of safety.
Be aware of any tendency to judge yourself or feel embarrassment or shame about your experience.
This is a normal and understandable response that the body has developed as a defence mechanism to protect you.
It happens to the best of us!
Do some journaling on it to help integrate, process and keep track of how you’re going with it over time.
Lastly, if the trauma responses are too strong or frequent for you to handle on your own, or if you have trauma that is fresh or unresolved then I’d recommend hitting up a professional to get some expert support because this stuff can be huge!
A trauma-informed somatic experiencing therapist or body-based trauma specialist could be just the ticket because sometimes we just can’t manage this sort of thing on our own! And that’s bloody fair enough!
I hope this was useful for you, my dears!
As a Yoni Mapping Therapist and Holistic Sex Coach I deal with this sort of thing in my work a lot and have created a podcast episode on The Labia Lounge pod that explains in detail how I work with people through this in my sessions called What Is Yoni Mapping Therapy?!
Highly recommend checking that out too!
If you’d like to go deeper into this stuff and be supported to work on your own yoni de-armouring and trauma release, I have an incredible online program with 1:1 coaching package that’s specifically designed to tackle this sort of thing in a safe and gently guided way.
Read about that and join me for the journey here - Queen Out 3 Month Online Course
Please don’t hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions or feedback.
Big love,
Freya xx