Speaker A [00:00:00]:

This program is brought to you by Pussy Magnets.

Speaker B [00:00:10]:

Welcome. Welcome, my lovely lumps, or should I say lovely labs? I'm so thrilled to have you here in the Labia Lounge. We're gonna yarn about all things sexuality, womanhood, relationships, intimacy, holistic health, and everything in between. Your legs. Oh. Can't help myself. Anyway, we're gonna have Vagelords of real chats with real people about real shit. So buckle up, you're about to receive the sex ed that you never had and have a bloody good laugh while you're at it.

Speaker B [00:00:39]:

Before we dive in, I'd like to respectfully acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which I'm recording this, the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. It's an absolute privilege to be living and creating dope podcast content in Naam, and I pay respect to their elders past, present, and emerging. Now, if you're all ready, let's flap and do this. Oh my god. Is there such thing as too many vagina jokes in the 1 intro? Whatever. It's my podcast. I'm leaving it in. My new mini course for free before I start charging for it in future.

Speaker B [00:01:32]:

It's for people with vulvas and it's quick to complete. It's all about demystifying the female body and pleasure anatomy and getting some basic fundamentals to understand your body better. It's called Pussy Pleasure Secrets, Your Roadmap to Bedroom Bliss. You can grab it on the freebies page of my website or in the show notes. It's a great little free resource to kind of dip your toe in or act as a bit of a taster for my work. So if you've ever been curious about this sort of thing and you just don't know where to start or you want a really quick, easy, accessible, non threatening way to get the ball rolling and start working on this stuff, this is a great place to start. Hey, labial lovers. Welcome back to part 2 with Eleanor Hadley, who is a specialist in the areas of the art of seduction.

Speaker B [00:02:25]:

We just did a part 1 on this, which we focused pretty much just predominantly around embodied lap dance, which is, like, kind of a a term that Eleanor coined part of her body of work called the art of seduction. Definitely go back and listen to that 1 if you haven't, but this is a little follow on from that because we couldn't squeeze it all in 1 episode, and I really wanted to chat about, I guess, the art of dirty talk and, you know, how to send a really great sext. I'll potentially take a take a a fun nude. And this is like an area that's not, like, I'm not this isn't something I do a lot of actually. So I'm curious to hear your, yeah, your input, Eleanor. But welcome back. Let's just start there. Hello.

Speaker B [00:03:19]:

Hello.

Speaker A [00:03:19]:

Hello. Hello. Pleasure to be back.

Speaker B [00:03:23]:

We've just recorded it in the 1 in the 1 sitting, so it feels a little bit funny to be doing another intro halfway through our chat. Anyway, just a breaking down of the 4th wall there for everyone. Yeah. Cool. So, to give a bit of, like, context around, like, my relationship with dirty talk, quote unquote. I used to just think it was like, you know, the standard, like, porn speak. Like, oh, yeah. Just like you know, the fuck.

Speaker B [00:03:56]:

I can't even I can't even do

Speaker A [00:03:57]:

it if I'm pretending.

Speaker B [00:03:58]:

Oh, yeah. Like, do you like that? You feel your little slut, like or I or I think of, I don't know if you ever saw the mighty boosh. There's a scene where, like, the crack fox is, like, I'm gonna I'm gonna make you wear a little dress and hurt your boy, and it's it sort of makes me think of that sometimes. But dirty talk for me was always, like, this particular way of of speaking that felt very performative, felt very porn like, felt very, forced and kind of inauthentic to me. And maybe I just hadn't experienced, like, you know, it being done in a way that felt sexy or authentic to me. Maybe I'd just been with people that had kind of watched so much porn that they were basically just copying that, and I was like, don't call me baby. Don't say good girl. Stop it.

Speaker B [00:04:49]:

Like, I'm just very, like, and that's what I thought dirty talk was. But I think I actually do engage in dirty talk more than I realized because there's a lot of different ways you can incorporate it, and it doesn't have to be quote, unquote, like, what you would think of as dirty. So I'd love to get your take on the different, types of dirty talk. I know there's multiple different ways you can kind of experiment with this. So what do you got for us?

Speaker A [00:05:19]:

Yeah. Definitely. I I think that you really hit a nail on the head there. A lot of the assumption is that dirty talk is that, like, very, very typical porny sort of what you see in movies, stuff like that. But there's actually different types of dirty talk or, like, talk throughout sex, whatever we wanna call it. And so we've got descriptive, instructive, praise, degradation, and trust talk as well as, like, sexting as well, which could be any of those, kind of topics, I guess. And so descriptive is where this is probably what comes most natural. It's more like narrative in style where you're describing what's happening, what you're about to do, what you're enjoying, seeing, tasting in the moment.

Speaker A [00:06:10]:

And so this is this could be something like, you know, like, I love seeing how hard your cock is for me or, like, oh my god. Your tits look incredible when you're bouncing on top of me or, like, I love how sweet your pussy tastes, or I'm I'm gonna do this to you. Right? It's very descriptive. And so we're probably a lot of us are probably already doing something like that, and that can just kind of, yeah, really get you in the moment. Then you've got instructive, which is like telling someone what you want them to do, like how you like it, how you wanna be touched, things like that. And so this is, like, classically, like, you know, harder, faster, more, just like that, don't stop. Like, I want you inside me, turnover. I want you from behind.

Speaker A [00:06:58]:

So it's kind of like it's asking or telling, Like Mhmm. Asking for what you want. Like, oh, yep. Just like that. Keep going. Or telling them, like, I want you to turn over. I want you to do this for me. And, again, can be really, really hot, and you can sort of beef it up a little bit and make it as colorful as you like.

Speaker A [00:07:19]:

Excuse me. We can cut that out. Okay. Then then you've got praise talk, and so this is like the good girls. Right? This is the, like, oh my god. You you suck my cock so well. You look incredible when you're doing this. You got the most perfect XYZ.

Speaker A [00:07:46]:

Look how gorgeous you are. Like, this is like you know, you're doing this so well for me, or, it's really

Speaker B [00:07:56]:

You're giving compliments and praise.

Speaker A [00:07:58]:

Exactly. It's about complimenting. It's it's almost like taking words of affirmation to the next level.

Speaker B [00:08:04]:

Yeah. Yeah. You know?

Speaker A [00:08:06]:

It's like making, like, this positive feedback, and some people are like, oh, yay, gold stuff. Have them had. I'm doing a good job. And it's just reinforcing to your partner, like, I do I like what you're doing. You're doing well. Sometimes it's even like I'm proud of you. So it really depends on, like, what what people, like and how how how comfortable they are with a compliment as well. Then we've got the degradation, which is something that I would say can only be done with explicit consent.

Speaker A [00:08:41]:

You need to know that the person is, like, open to being degraded, and into it. It's gotta be an enthusiastic yes. I would never do this, with a partner or accept someone doing this, if we haven't had a discussion, and we know Yeah. They're into it. You know, some people can get really, really uncomfortable as well with praise, but it's not quite as damaging to say, like, you know Yeah. You're doing a good job as it is, like, to say you're a little slut in in the midst of sex, and then just, like, oh, I don't feel comfortable being told that.

Speaker B [00:09:17]:

Oh, totally. It's definitely in the category of of kink and BDSM. Like, there's definitely gotta be discussions around that sort of thing. Whereas, like, giving a compliment is, like, you know, it's a big 1 too. It's not it's not yeah.

Speaker A [00:09:29]:

Exactly. And, you know, like, chat about it. And III really think that this is such a great framework to say, what kind of talk do you like? You know, do you like me saying this kind of stuff? Do you like it when I say this? And so, yeah, if you are into degradation, then awesome. Have that conversation. If you like kind of degrading and, like, using that terminology, in the moment because it kind of amps up the, like, the fieriness for you, then chat about that and see if your partner's open to it, but don't just say, like, like, look at you begging for it, like, out of nowhere. You know, or call me something, that is derogatory without consent. Mhmm. And then 1 of my favorites is trust talk.

Speaker A [00:10:16]:

So it's kind of it's in the vein of dirty talk, but it's more, like, soft and sweet. It's akin to praise, but it's more like this beautiful romantic style. And I first experienced trust talk when I was with a partner, and we just had, you know, a bit of a a sticky conversation. I was feeling a bit soft and a bit tender, And, you know, we made love, and it was all very beautiful. And throughout, he was like, I'm not going anywhere. I could stay here for hours. You're safe with me. And it was just this really beautiful experience to go like, oh, okay.

Speaker A [00:10:56]:

Yeah. I can soften. I can open up. I don't have to hold myself back here, and I trust this person. And that's, I think, such a gorgeous style and, yeah, really, really nice, especially for, like, long term lovers as well.

Speaker B [00:11:12]:

Then you can

Speaker A [00:11:12]:

take any of those, all of those, and put that into sexting. And with sexting, it's kind of like you're building up this arousal, and often you're describing what you wish you were doing or what you want them to be doing or what you are doing. So it it can be quite descriptive in nature. You know, like, I'm touching myself thinking about when we did this or I if you were here right now, I'd be doing this, or I I'd I'd love to hear you talk me through you doing XYZ to yourself right now, things like that. That can be a really fun way as well to play around with the idea of dirty talk, but in your own sort of unique way.

Speaker B [00:11:51]:

Yeah. And I feel like that would be a lot less confronting if you if you aren't super comfortable or confident yet to do dirty talk in person or in the moment or if it's maybe with a new person that you haven't built that comfortability with yet. Maybe sexting could be a great way to just sort of dip your toe in and give it a try and experiment and see, like, how it's received in a slightly less confronting way for people.

Speaker A [00:12:20]:

Definitely. It's a really, really safe place to test it out.

Speaker B [00:12:27]:

Although I suppose then there's the added element of, oh, okay. Like, now it's it's sort of there's a paper trail and it's in writing and they could screenshot this or so I guess there has to be some element of trust or just comfortability with, like, if this if somebody else sees this, I'm fine with it. You know?

Speaker A [00:12:44]:

Definitely. Yeah. With with sexting, with nudes, like, you really do want to, have a strong sense of trust with this person. You can do, like, disappearing messages and stuff like that if you're really concerned, but I would typically say only ever do that with someone that you know is, like, pretty pretty trustworthy.

Speaker B [00:13:07]:

Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. I love I love the, the trust talk stuff because and I suppose, like, I guess I wouldn't you know, with the the praise and the trust talk, I've I've always loved that and and engaged in that, but didn't think of it as like dirty talk. I suppose it's just like different forms of bedroom communication. Exactly. And yeah.

Speaker B [00:13:34]:

I think, like, when I hear dirty talk, I'm immediately like, if, you know, I'm talking to someone, you know, we're potentially gonna have sex and we're talking about the things we like and we don't like and stuff. And if they're like, yeah, I'm really into dirty talk. I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no. But then I suppose, like, you just never know what someone's style of that's going to be. And that doesn't mean that they're not also gonna be totally open to, like, doing some praise talk and, yeah. That's definitely always been my style. Like, love words of affirmation, love praise and, like, encouragement and stuff.

Speaker B [00:14:10]:

And, like when I'm in long term relationships, it's just like full the the trust talk is what gets me going. Like that safety, that security, that emotional holding is, like, absolutely everything. But for me, like, if someone sort of says something that even remotely feels like it could have come out of a porno, it takes me out of the moment. I'm like, oh, okay. Like, if it makes me feel objectified and, like, the it like, they're sort of just saying generic stuff that could be said to anyone and it sounds like it's come out of a movie or so for me personally, like, that's really like, I know that that's really not my thing, and it really pulls me out of the moment and makes me feel weird. So do you feel like, you know, even with not just degradation, but even with other kinds of dirty talk, like, there should be some consent or a conversation that happens beforehand before someone is, like, you know, actually inside you and then whips out, you know, like, oh my God, like,

Speaker A [00:15:20]:

your pussy feels so tight and wet. Like, you know, like,

Speaker B [00:15:23]:

do we do we need to be maybe, like, gauging if people are gonna be receptive to that or not beforehand? Or do you think there's just a certain level of, like, kinda try it and see and and practice? Hey, baby babes. Sorry to interrupt. I just had to pop my head into the lounge here and mention another virtual lounge that I'd love you to get around. It's the Labia Lounge Facebook group that I've created for listeners of the potty to mingle in. There you'll find extra bits and bobs like freebies, behind the scenes, or discounts for offerings from guests who have been interviewed on the podcast. They'll also be, hopefully, inspiring, thought provoking conversations, and support from a community of labial legends like yourself. My vision for this is that it becomes a really supportive, educational, and hilarious resource for you to have more access to me and a safe space to ask questions you can't ask anywhere else. So head over to the links in the show notes or look up the Labia Lounge group in Facebook, and I'll see you in there.

Speaker B [00:16:22]:

And now back to the episode. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:16:25]:

I mean, we'll you can definitely have a conversation, and kind of talk through the different types and just have it be like a little fun date activity to like, oh, I wonder, like, what your style is. And I am a big advocate for, like, speaking up, like, either in the moment or after. If you're like, hey. Just like, that was so hot. Loved having sex with you. There was the 1 moment where you said this, and it's just not quite my vibe, but I really liked XYZ. Right? So you can kinda talk after sex about, like, the grow and the glow. You know? Like, these are the moments where you glowed, and it was amazing.

Speaker A [00:17:05]:

These are some moments where we can kinda, like, we can grow from that. We can learn a little bit more. And so I I do think talking about sex before, during, and after sex, keeping that conversation going is always going to be helpful. And, you know, also don't take too much, offence when someone says I didn't really like that, you know, because we're all so different. And, you know, the popular phrase of don't yuck someone else's yum, it's like, you know, everyone's different, and thing different things will turn different people on, and there's no right way or wrong way. And there's nothing wrong with them if that turns them on and doesn't turn you on or vice versa. It's just different, and we need to as the as, like, responsible sexual partners, we need to respect each other's yums, and we need to, really kind of try to understand, what it is that turns them on and off and kind of be a little bit of a detective because just because something works for you or has worked for a previous partner doesn't mean it will work for the next person in front of you. So just get curious and go, oh, like, I wonder what what like, what happens when I press this button? Oh, okay.

Speaker A [00:18:21]:

Cool. Great. I'm gonna put that in the yes column, or I'll file that in the no and, you know, next

Speaker B [00:18:27]:

time, it'll be

Speaker A [00:18:27]:

even better.

Speaker B [00:18:29]:

Totally. Yeah. So, like, what would you do if 1 you know, say you started dating someone, you're really compatible in lots of areas and you wanna be together, blah blah blah. And 1 partner really loves a certain kind of dirty talk and the other hates it. Like, do we just try to find some common ground? Is it like a more of a spectrum of like, okay, so that's a definite hard no for me. Like, don't say that to me, please. But this this other thing, you know, I know it really turns you on and you enjoy that. It doesn't really turn me on, but it's like I can get around it and I can do that for you or, you know, like, and then there's other things that you can both overlap on.

Speaker B [00:19:10]:

Like, is it just kind of an continuous iteration of trying to find

Speaker A [00:19:15]:

Yeah.

Speaker B [00:19:16]:

A way to kind of align? Or what do you reckon?

Speaker A [00:19:20]:

Yeah. Definitely. I think there's a open conversation about how you can compromise. You know, I would say if there's something that someone's like, oh, I can't possibly get off without calling you a dirty little slut, then it's like, well, yeah, maybe we should unpack that, you know, because it has to be something that everyone's comfortable with. And, like, I don't ever wanna say or do something during sex that turns me on so much, but my partner is really disliking. Like, part of sex and the pleasure of sex is the mutual reciprocal circular sort of nature nature of pleasure. Like, I want to I I'm gonna be turned on by them being turned on, by me being turned on, by them being you know? It's this constant thing. And so if there's any moment where they're like, oh, like, you know, pussy dry or, I'm not not into that, then, yeah, it it it's not going to turn me on even more.

Speaker A [00:20:24]:

Yeah. And I should say, like, pussy dry is just like a fucking colloquial thing. We we all know about arousal mountain concordance. That's another topic, But, you know, it's like sometimes you're like, oh, that thing just made me go, nope. No. Thank you. Closed up. I just I,

Speaker B [00:20:41]:

I, like, talk about it like yeah. I know. Because it's classic, like, sex nerd stuff. Like Yeah. I can't really get away with saying, like, fuck. Nothing makes my pussy dry out without, like, the sex educator voice coming in and being, like, hey now. But what about arousal nonconcordance? That's not really correct. You can't really, you know, you can't really say that.

Speaker B [00:20:57]:

So, like, III think

Speaker A [00:21:00]:

it's ahead then, Priya. You're you're running out

Speaker B [00:21:03]:

of time.

Speaker A [00:21:03]:

I'm like, wait a second. I know. Well, even when you

Speaker B [00:21:07]:

said it, I was like, oh.

Speaker A [00:21:10]:

I know. I know.

Speaker B [00:21:10]:

She's also thinking that yeah. So, and for anyone that isn't aware, I've definitely talked about this in episodes, and I teach about it a lot. But, you know, if you're not aware, vaginal lubrication is not a reliable indication of actual subjective arousal. You can have a dry pussy, but still be DTF. You can have a wet pussy, but actually not be ready for penetration. It it doesn't always line up with how, you know, your body's, like, arousal signals such as lubrication doesn't always line up with your brain's actual level of turn on. So when we say, like, oh my god. My pussy's so like, your pussy being dry doesn't mean shit necessarily.

Speaker B [00:21:53]:

So anyway, that's the caveat. What I now say

Speaker A [00:21:56]:

Legs shut. Panties on.

Speaker B [00:21:59]:

Totally. Totally. I think of, like I don't know if you remember, maybe it's, like, in this in a Simpsons episode or something, but, like, 1 of these cartoon characters, like, sucks on something sour, maybe lemon, and his mouth kinda, like, goes inwards, like, it looks like a butthole, and then his whole face ends up squeezing inwards. And it's really hard to describe, like, without the visual. But I just, like, talk about how it makes my pussy just clam up so much. It basically inverts on itself again. And and my whole body turns inside out because my pussy's just run away up in there, and it's just fully, like,

Speaker A [00:22:37]:

slippage on me. That is trash. You shower glass. Yep. Yeah. Put coverage. I

Speaker B [00:22:44]:

wish they were. But it's so fun to say, like, to just use wet pussy, dry pussy. It's so fun.

Speaker A [00:22:54]:

I know. I am actually feeling like I when I speak, like, with friends and stuff about, you know, like, with all the caveats and blah blah blah, just certain behaviors, it's like, okay. Cool. If they do that, pussy dryer. Like, oh, if if my partner did that, like, cock soft. Like, no. That that's a turn. It's just we're just saying it's a turn off.

Speaker A [00:23:13]:

But, yeah, this ex educator in me is like, actually

Speaker B [00:23:17]:

I know.

Speaker A [00:23:17]:

I'm so We're perpetuating a misconception. I know. Panties on. How dare we?

Speaker B [00:23:25]:

Panties on. Panties on. Yeah. What else could I feel like yeah. I talk a bit about, like, you know, lady boner. That could that could be a thing. But

Speaker A [00:23:33]:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ladybona is a thing. I mean,

Speaker B [00:23:36]:

it still comes into the

Speaker A [00:23:38]:

Yeah. It's just like yeah. Like like shut. Yeah.

Speaker B [00:23:42]:

Yeah. So you buy Alright. Cool. Great.

Speaker A [00:23:44]:

Good little good

Speaker B [00:23:45]:

little tangent. Cool. Well, do you wanna do the segment TMI? And then we can chat about some tips for taking some hot notes, and maybe, like, some, yes, some some more stuff on sexting. So with the TMI segment, I just ask my guests for a TMI story if something springs to mind. Maybe it's related to, like, what we've been talking about. Maybe it's something totally out of pocket. But, basically, give me your worst. Weigh it on me.

Speaker A [00:24:24]:

So when I was a kid, and I'm sure we've all been through the phase where we were just, like, humping anything we could. We found our clit, and we're like, woo. Let's let's hump the the teddy. Let's hump the couch. Let's hump everything. So I was in that phase when I was a child at 1 point, and I remember I remember, there was in our bathroom, we had, like, a washing machine, and there was a little moment where I'd, like, put a towel over the corner of the washing machine. It wasn't even on, but I just, like, have a little grind. And my mom walked in 1 day when I was having a little grind, and I was like, and I quickly was like, I was reaching down the bottom because I dropped AAAAA few coins, and I was trying to get some coins from behind the washing machine.

Speaker A [00:25:23]:

That's why I'm bend oh my god. And she's just like, whoop, closes the door, and I remember I was just mortified for ages. I was, like, trying to, like, come up with stories as to why that was happening. And it was, like, clearly, she knows that I was just having a little grind on on the corner of the washing machine because I found my kit. But I was absolutely mortified, for for all

Speaker B [00:25:47]:

the time. I would have died. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:25:50]:

Super bad. Just, like,

Speaker B [00:25:52]:

experiment with different surface? Like, if the washing machine wasn't even on, like, what was so good about that corner? Were you just trying different I think

Speaker A [00:25:59]:

it was just there was a private corner, You know? Right. Because I could I was like, you know, I had had a shower, and then I thought I obviously hadn't locked the door, but I thought, like, oh, I'm in here privately. So I'll just get a towel, do a little bit of padding, you know, put the towel over the corner and grind because the couches were out in public view, and I should only do that when everyone was gone. Yay. I had to go into my room with my teddy, you know? Oh my gosh. It's so funny, like and I I know that, and I think this is such a common experience, you know, like the teddies and grinding certain things, but also, like, experimenting with friends when you were just like a kid playing house, and you just, like, kinda, like, like, rub up against each other in bed and be like, oh, yes. We're playing mommies and daddies.

Speaker B [00:26:50]:

Excuse this quick interruption. I'm shamelessly seeking reviews and 5 star ratings for the potty because as I'm sure you've noticed by now, it's pretty fab. And the more people who get to hear it, the more people I can help with it. Reviews and ratings actually do make a big difference to this little independent podcaster, And it's really easy to just quickly show your support by taking that simple act of either leaving 5 stars for the show on Spotify or, even better, writing a written review and leaving 5 stars over on Apple Podcasts. Or if you're a real overachiever, you can do them both. That would be mad. If you're writing a review though, just be sure to use g rated words because despite the fact that this is a podcast about sexuality, words like sex can be censored and your review won't make it through the gates. Lame.

Speaker B [00:27:43]:

Anyway, I would personally recommend doing that right now while you remember just to get on top of it and let me know you're with me on this journey. Thanks, gang. Enjoy the rest of the epi. Yeah. It's such a, it is such a common thing. And, like, I still will get clients coming in and just talking about how ashamed they are and that they did this thing and they can't like, they don't realize how common it is. I think they were the only ones that did that as kids and they think that they're, like, perverted or something. And they're like, yeah, I was a really early bloomer.

Speaker B [00:28:15]:

It's so gross. I'm so, like, embarrassed. And I'm like, oh my god, babe. People are fiddling with their willies in the womb and, like, you know, toddlers are, like, grinding up on things and humping things and, like, it's so common. But super weirdly, at at least to my knowledge, like, unless I've just forgotten, I didn't do any of that stuff as a kid or a teenager. It was crazy. I think I just, like, I don't know how to explain it when I was a child child, and maybe maybe I did, and I just don't remember. But I didn't discover my clit, and I didn't discover sexual pleasure at all, until I was in my teens, and I had a boyfriend.

Speaker B [00:28:55]:

And I was, like, dry humping him. I think that's how I had my first orgasm. And I was I was just so riddled with so much sex sexual shame and body shame and self loathing and stuff around all of that that I didn't touch myself until I was, like, in my twenties. And I went to, like, a sex expo and, was like, woah. Yeah. And sort of just, like, you know, started experimenting. And, you know, I've told this story on the podcast before, but the first time I kind of self pleasured, I wrapped my fingers in glad wrap because, like, I didn't wanna touch myself directly, and there was still so much, like, revulsion and shame. And it's so crazy because, yeah, like, I know, like, from research and from 100, thousands of conversations with people, it's very, very common to find your clit quite early and self pleasure as a child and then, you know, the teddy, all of this.

Speaker B [00:29:49]:

It's like such a common trope because it's a thing that happens. And I'm like, why didn't I do that? That's so weird. Like, I I just never never explored. And then when I was, like, old enough to, like, know that that was a thing that people did, I was so repulsed at the idea and I, like, never even bothered trying until I was, like, you know, in my twenties. So it's kinda crazy.

Speaker A [00:30:12]:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. I mean, I think the thing is, like, with not finding it early as well, it's not something that, like, everyone has that experience of finding their click, because you might just have have never touched it or moved in a certain way where you're like, oh, wait a second. What is that? And then curious enough to explore it, you know, without being kind of told, hey. You have this place in between your legs that can feel really good. Mhmm.

Speaker A [00:30:39]:

Because, like, can you imagine if someone's like tomorrow, they're like, oh, by the way, did you know that there's a spot, you know, on the top of your earlobe? And if you press that, you know, 3 times and then, like, pull, then suddenly you feel pleasure. Like, wait. I had no idea. And so, you know, it could just be something like that where you just didn't have the experience of, like, coming across it until later when you're like, oh, wait. Oh, apparently, there's this place that feels really good, and then you never went off and explored it with someone else. You know?

Speaker B [00:31:15]:

Yeah. True. I feel a bit ripped off, though, to be honest. Like, I never I never had that phase of, like, fooling around with my friends or discovering like yeah. I think it's it's so great to like find ways to experience pleasure in your body so young and have an experience of like that sexual pleasure that is so innocent and so beautiful and pure. And, like, you know, by the time I discovered sexual pleasure, I already had so many layers of, like, conditioning and negative beliefs and, like, shitty sexual narratives and scripts and things that were, like, coloring my experience of it. So there was already so much shame in place that I probably never had an experience of enjoying it with, like, just total, like, innocence and joy.

Speaker A [00:32:00]:

You know? Totally. Yeah.

Speaker B [00:32:03]:

Until I worked through all this stuff, like, later in life. Yeah. So, anyway, it was a double TMI. So let's talk about taking notes. Another thing that I've never done. It's so funny because I'm, like, a sex coach and educator, and this is all this is my jam. But, like, there's just certain things that, like, have never appealed to me or that I've never Yeah. Done.

Speaker B [00:32:26]:

And, yeah, I'd love to chat about, like, what's the appeal, how do you take a really also, I'm shit at taking photos and selfies, and it's an art form. So, yeah, let's talk about that.

Speaker A [00:32:42]:

Yeah. I'm I'm a big fan of taking news. I think it's just such a fun way to celebrate your own sexuality. And a lot of the time, you know, they don't have to see the light of day. You know, it's not about again, it's not about the performance. It's not about another person witnessing it, and I think a lot of people kind of can't wrap their heads around that because they're like, well, why would I take it if I'm not gonna show anyone, if I'm not sending it to someone for the intention of turning them on? And I'm like, well, come back to ourself when we go, I wanna turn myself on or I wanna celebrate myself or right now I feel really hot. And, like, you know, I actually think, like, the rise of selfies is great because it's like, oh, yeah. Cool.

Speaker A [00:33:23]:

I feel great. I feel beautiful. I feel artistic. I feel expressive. I want to just capture that, and I think that's a really beautiful thing to be able to do and to kinda gift yourself. And, you know, just because no 1 else is seeing it doesn't necessarily matter. You can just have it for yourself, and it's like, cool. That was a fun exercise.

Speaker A [00:33:43]:

I also last year, I created briefly a whole group, for people to share their sensual selfies if they didn't have a partner to send them to or they just wanted to share, and it was all about the art of self portraiture, and self expression. And so it was like a Telegram group, and people would just share their, like, sensual nudes. And it was always, you know, kind of like relatively artistic, nothing sexually explicit. So there were no genitals, but it was, like, nudity. And people would just be like, wow. This is amazing. Oh, beautiful lighting, like, incredible silhouette. That's so gorgeous, and it's just this nice way to celebrate your form.

Speaker A [00:34:27]:

Mhmm. And, you know, yeah, there's certain things that will help, you know, using certain props or getting the right lighting, natural lighting, and finding the posing that works for you, it can be a really fun process. I typically say to start with just, like, film yourself, like, holding some poses, moving, and trying to find what, shape brings out, like, the best sort of silhouette or, like, whatever it is that you're going for, the most interesting kind of movement, and then go from there and start to snap away.

Speaker B [00:35:06]:

Yeah. Amazing. I love the group, for, like, people to share it with other other women, I imagine. And I've got, yeah, a couple of friends that'll, like, send them to me. Like, it's just something that we do. Like, it's very I don't know. It's, like, more of a sisterhood thing, and that's lovely. And, yeah, I've done, like, nude photoshoots with photographers and stuff for, like, their art projects or whatever.

Speaker B [00:35:28]:

But, I've never, like, taken a nude and sent it to someone. You know? Like, I've never kind of done that, which is so funny because it's such a big thing nowadays and there's so much talk about, like, you know, safety and Yes. Yeah. Yeah, and everything like that. But, yeah, that's so such a helpful tip, like, sort of filming yourself first. Because, like, I really struggle with, like, setting up a tripod or, like, you know, trying to take photos. Like, it's not it's never been my kind of medium, like photography. So yeah.

Speaker B [00:36:01]:

But it's, it's definitely an art, and I think that's such a practical thing that people can, like, get get started with. And and yeah. They're like the whole it doesn't have to be for someone else. Like, it's again same with, like, what we were talking about in part 1 with the embodied sensual movement and dance. Like, it can be just for you. It can be a way to connect with your sexuality in sensuality. It can be a way to feel more confident and more embodied, and boost your self esteem and just explore your creativity. So I think if you look at it through that lens, yeah, it can be such a beautiful and explorative way to connect with yourself.

Speaker B [00:36:41]:

Yeah. And then being able to share that in a safe way with, like, other women or a friend or, like, you know, another photographer or artist. Like, it doesn't have to be, like, I'm sending a sexy pic to a boy, you know, which that can also be great and fun.

Speaker A [00:36:54]:

Yeah. Super fun. But, yeah, I think sometimes we have this assumption that the point of a nude is to turn someone on. And so often, you know, people will be like, oh, okay. So what should I do? I'm gonna take take a nude, so I'm gonna, like, squeeze my tits together. I'm gonna do this, or I'm gonna do a little pouty face or something, like, explicitly erotic. And so my invitation is always, like, see yourself as art, be your own muse, and try to create art with your body. And so I I actually think personally, I think the most beautiful nudes are the ones that are more implied.

Speaker A [00:37:33]:

It's not about, like, spreading your legs or, like, you know, holding your cock and being like, check it out. It's like it's it's about, like, the tease, like, the evocation of it. Like, evoke a response in me. Don't just kinda go straight for the goods. Like, I wanna sort of be teased, and I also just wanna witness, like, this beautiful form. And so I think it's more about, like, the shapes and the, the insinuation and

Speaker B [00:38:02]:

Yeah. The exactly.

Speaker A [00:38:05]:

Rather than being like, okay. Here's some tits straight away. Yeah. It's not as exciting. I love love titties. Love some titties. Amazing. Love titties.

Speaker A [00:38:14]:

But, you know, let's, like, just be a bit more creative with it. And this group that I created, it it's not running anymore, but it was a really, really fun thing, to just explore, like, the art of self portraiture as well. Yeah. So it's been fun. Beautiful.

Speaker B [00:38:33]:

I love it. Alright. Well, I'm conscious of time, and we have just done a big old double epi. So I will let you go. But thank you so much for all of your knowledge and your stories and your humor. It's been such a pleasure chatting, and I'll put all of your links in the show notes, and the Facebook group. And, yeah, would love to stay in touch.

Speaker A [00:38:56]:

Amazing. Thank you so much, for having me. I'll give you some codes as well to put in the show notes, for The Art of Seduction and send notes as well

Speaker B [00:39:06]:

if you like. Yeah. Great. Awesome. Sounds good.

Speaker C [00:39:09]:

Hey. Me again. If you'd like to support the potty and you've already given it 5 stars on whatever platform you're listening on, I wanna mention that you can buy some really dope merch from the website and get yourself a labia lounge tote, tea, togs. Yep. You heard that right. I even have labia lounge bathers, or a cute fanny pack if that'd blow your hair back. So, if fashion isn't your passion though, you can donate to my buy me a coffee donation page, which is actually called buy me

Speaker B [00:39:38]:

a soy chai latte because I'll be the

Speaker C [00:39:41]:

first to admit. I'm a bit of a Melbourne cafe tosser like that. And, yes, that is my coffee order. You can do a 1 soft donation or an ongoing membership and sponsor me for as little as 3 fat ones a month. And I also offer 1 on 1 coaching and online courses that'll help you level up your sex life and relationship with yourself and others in

Speaker B [00:40:02]:

a really big way. So every bit helps because it ain't cheap to put out a sweet podcast, into the world every week out

Speaker C [00:40:09]:

of my own pocket. So I will be I'm dyingly grateful if you support me and my biz financially in any of these ways. And if you like, I'll even give you a mental BJ with my mind from the lounge itself. Saucy. And, I'll pop the links in the show notes. Thank you. Later.

Speaker B [00:40:28]:

And that's it, darling hearts. Thanks for stopping by the labia lounge. Your bum groove in the couch will be right where you left it just waiting for you to sink back in for some more double l action next time. If you'd be a dear and subscribe, share this episode or leave a review on iTunes, then you can pat yourself on the snatch because that's a downright act of sex positive feminist activism. And you'd be supporting my vision to educate, empower, demystify and destigmatize with this year podcast. I'm also always open to feedback, topic ideas that you'd love to hear covered, questions or guest suggestions. So feel free to get in touch via my website or over on Insta. You can also send me and TMI stories to be shared anonymously on the pod.

Speaker B [00:41:13]:

My handle is freyagraf_thelabiolounge, if my account hasn't been deleted for being too sex positive, which, you know, is always a possibility with censorship. But just in case the chronic censorship finally does obliterate my social channels, I'd highly recommend going and joining my mailing list and snagging yourself some fun freebies for the trouble at www.freyagraf.com/freebies. Anyway, later labial legends. See you next time.