How to Have Amazing Sex For The Rest of Your Life with Susan Bratton

Speaker A [00:00:00]:

This program is brought to you by Pussy Magnets. Welcome. Welcome, my lovely lumps, or should I say lovely labs? I'm so thrilled to have you here in the Labia Lounge. We're gonna yarn about all things sexuality, womanhood, relationships, intimacy, holistic health, and everything in between. Your legs. Oh. Can't help myself. Anyway, we're gonna have vag-loads of real chats with real people about real shit.

Speaker A [00:00:34]:

So buckle up, you're about to receive the sex ed that you never had and have a bloody good laugh while you're at it. Before we dive in, I'd like to respectfully acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which I'm recording this, the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. It's an absolute privilege to be living and creating dope podcast content in Naarm, and I pay respect to their elders past, present, and emerging. Now, if you're all ready, let's flap and do this. Oh my god. Is there such thing as too many vagina jokes in the 1 intro? Whatever. It's my podcast. I'm leaving it in.

Speaker B [00:01:23]:

Hey, gang. Just before

Speaker A [00:01:24]:

we jump into this episode, I wanted to offer you an opportunity to access my new mini course for free before I start charging for it in future. It's for people with vulvas and it's quick to complete. It's all about demystifying the female body and pleasure anatomy and getting some basic fundamentals to understand your body better. It's called Pussy Pleasure Secrets, Your Roadmap to Bedroom Bliss. You can grab it on the freebies page of my website or in the show notes. It's a great little free resource to kind of dip your toe in or act as a bit of a taster for my work. So if you've ever been curious about this sort of thing and you just don't know where to start or you want a really quick, easy, accessible, non threatening way to get the ball rolling and start working on this stuff, this is a great place to start. Hey, my labial love bugs.

Speaker A [00:02:13]:

Thanks for joining us for this super juicy episode where we'll be talking about how to have the most epic sex for the rest of your life with intimacy I'll say that again. Intimacy expert to 1, 000, 000, Susan Bratton. Susan is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. She's created hundreds of techniques that transform having sex into making love and is the world's most respected sexual biohacker. Susan is cofounder and CEO of Personal Life Media Inc, a publisher of the Better Love Brand of Heart Connected Love Making Techniques and bedroom communication skills and sexual regenerative therapies, as well as the 20, a manufacturer of organic and botanical supplements that enhance sexual vitality. She's a best selling author and publisher of 44 books and programs. Hot damn. And frequently appears on ABC, CBS, the CW, and NBC.

Speaker A [00:03:16]:

Wowza. That is some big generator energy. Welcome, Susan. Pull up a clit cushion. Make yourself comfy.

Speaker C [00:03:25]:

My clit's so big. I don't need a cushion. The lady lounge is pretty much the perfect show for me, Freya. I, you know, you mentioned that I had done sexual biohacking, and I don't think a lot of people even know what that is. But, just to fill your listeners in on what, even what that is. It's like, it's like female enhancement, almost. There's sexual regenerative therapies which are like, reversing vaginal atrophy, and loss of lubrication, and incontinence, and diminishment of orgasmic intensity. But there's also taking it to the next level and making what you have even better.

Speaker C [00:04:06]:

And 1 of the things that I've done is I've done a lot of PRP, platelet rich plasma injections into my clitoris. And recently, I went in, I had I harvested my stem cells last year to try to repair my torn ACLs and MCLs from a skiing accident. And so, I talked to my stem cell doctor and I was like, what do you think about injecting those into my clit? And he's like, Susie, I'll do it. I'll put them anywhere you want. And so I just had my own stem cells harvested and injected into my clitoral structures. My clitoral urethral and perineal structures all the erectile tissue of my female anatomy And, so, it my clit is actually bigger than it's ever been. It's like a little clit bone. It's like I've got a little dick down there.

Speaker C [00:04:55]:

And, that really has made my orgasms even more intense. And, it's just a kind of a weirdo thing because biohackers like to take their themselves and their bodies, their longevity, their anti aging to the highest level they possibly can like a lot of biohackers like my friend, Dave Asprey. He wants to live to be 180 years old. I'm not sure that that's my particular goal, but my particular goal is certainly to go down fucking, right? Like to have really great sex till the day I draw my dying breath. Freya and how am I gonna do that with a shriveled little clip? I can't do that so I need you know a juicy plum, not a dried up raisin down there and since we have as much erectile tissue in our general structures as our male body partners do and they're penile structure, but nobody's freaking talking about that you know everybody's talking about the dude's ed, but what about the ladies ed? I mean just because we can't just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there and it shrinks it atrophies and so no Does the average person need to go have their doctor inject their endogenous stem cells into their clitoris? They do not. But I like to fuck around with that stuff. And just see what it's like. You know, like just to witness what the possibilities are.

Speaker C [00:06:29]:

And so my labia. I've also done wing lifts on them since we're you know lounging around on our labias and our clits today. I've also done the wing lifts. Just that does literally does that for a living and she was like do you want me to give you 1 and I'm like of course I do and there's a list. It's PRP and hyaluronic acid into the labial tissue to kind of like plump it up the outer labia and the inner lady you can do both and I was like sure stick that in there. Let me see what it looks like It fades after a while, you know. But, it was an interesting experience. I'll tell you, my lady are massively orgasmic, Not just my clitoral structure.

Speaker C [00:07:12]:

You know, I've really activated all that tissue. And,

Speaker A [00:07:16]:

that was a bad been, the the platelet being injected into your clitoris. That just sounded like an idea that you had and and your, surgeon, I don't know, was willing to do it. Is that something that's being done? Or are you the first to try something like that?

Speaker C [00:07:33]:

No. They're called O shots here in the US. O shots and p shots. O shots standing for orgasm shot. And, Doctor Charles Runnels, he kind of quote unquote invented it. He was doing PRP for like joint pain and things like that. And he was like, wonder if I stick this in a dick, what'll happen? Mhmm. Mhmm.

Speaker A [00:07:54]:

Because I was literally thinking oh, sorry. Go on.

Speaker C [00:07:57]:

No. Sorry. Go on.

Speaker A [00:07:59]:

Well, I was I was literally thinking, like, when I was kinda doing a bit of research on you and prepping for this episode, I was like, this bitch is like the female version of Dave Asprey. Like, oh my god. Like, she because, you know, I used to be big big into all the biohacking podcasts and listen to a lot of Dave Asprey for years and a lot of Yeah. Luke's story. And, and I'm not super up with it anymore. I kind of got a bit oversaturated with all that stuff, and I was like, most of it is so completely inaccessible to the average layman anyway, and it was getting so, so, so sciency and hectic. And, you know, it kind of, like, lost its, appeal to me a little bit, but it's always been so fascinating. But I was I was, I think I've got Dave's, like, book game changes.

Speaker A [00:08:43]:

Definitely remember him talking about, injecting some things into his deck and seeing how that kind of changed things. So that's hilarious that you guys are friends.

Speaker C [00:08:52]:

Yeah. Very good friends. I spoke I I was a keynote at his last year's event, and I did sexual biohacking. And I did, like, a fireside chat with Dave, and I brought all my toys. And I walked him through everything. Actually, there's a really good, I was on his podcast. There's a really good vidcast when I was on Dave's Human Upgrade show where I show like, if you're listening to this and you're like, I'd actually like to know more about sexual biohacking. I wanna know what I can do with my dick and my clit.

Speaker C [00:09:23]:

There is a good episode I did with him where you can watch the video and you can I show you all the stuff I use? Vacuum erection devices, vulva pumps, oh, shots, my my euphoria, CBD, botanical oils. You know, like, all the different things that I have found, including this, this notion of orgasmic cross training where, what I'm really trying to do is move women from I'm having trouble having an orgasm to oh I can come 10 different ways now and really what people still think about an orgasm is this kind of 1960s old Masters and Johnson. You know we climb up and we have a refractory period and women think that's like how they're supposed to come too and it's not at all. And men think they have to orgasm from ejaculation. They don't. You know, like, there's just a lot of very outdated constructs around orgasm. And so, I like to explain to people the 20 plus kinds of orgasms that the body can have and then all the different types of sex toys, which I like to call sex tools that people can use to activate the brain to genital connection so that your brain your biggest sex organ can be like Oh that feels good and how and also I think really transforming you you know we were talking before we started recording about how we when we help people you and I both when we help people access and expand their sexuality and go through a sexual awakening. A lot of times what we're doing is we're kinda mopping clean up from the shame and and all of the trauma that's happened to people.

Speaker C [00:11:16]:

And we take that on and try to move people through that to accessing their pleasure. And when you're starting to kind of activate your yoni, you really do have to transform shame and pain and numbness into feeling and then feeling pleasure. There's a definite journey that the tissue takes with your brain and the kind of neural connections that are required. So, but it happens. 1 of the things I love now, I'm not a trauma healer. That's not my area. What I do is I do passionate love making techniques. I teach people how to have orgasmic intercourse and orgasmic oral.

Speaker C [00:12:00]:

And I basically like to teach people how to come really well in lots of ways you know and to just like basically be this wellspring with orgasms just flowing out, which is our natural state before it goes optimizing full of shame exactly and but it's true that there you do have to move through trauma, but 1 of the great things about trauma healing is that it can be very quick. A lot of it is very quick. It's just you have to address it. It's like it's like you have to you have to clean the wound and fix the wound and then the wound heals and you go on. You know it doesn't stay with you forever except for about 20% of people. They really have a hard time moving through trauma. And I think a lot of it has to do with things like our dopamine and serotonin pathways and how we're wired Because some people they relive trauma like it's a fresh cut every single time they think of it. And other people can be like, no.

Speaker C [00:13:05]:

I put that shit behind me. I'm good to go. You know?

Speaker A [00:13:08]:

I feel like I see this other category of people that that don't get over the trauma really quickly, but also don't feel it like a fresh cut, but they've just managed to suppress it and shove it down and store it in the tissues and numb themselves. And that is a very common block to pleasure and orgasm that I see. And so they're in this kind of middle, like, limbo space where, yeah, they're kind of not really able to access, the full kind of pleasure potential because of like a lack of embodiment and a lack of safety in the body and ability to be connected to the body because the body isn't comfortable or safe because it is the storage place for the trauma that they're not really able to integrate or deal with. So, but that's yeah. That's kind of another thing, like, we like, we were speaking about before we jumped on the the recording. Sometimes, you know, it seems like with my work, a lot of the time, I'm really just trying to help people get from that place to even being able to feel anything or feel feel or, like, be able to experience orgasm at all. Whereas you're, like, really helping people optimize their orgasmic experiences and, like, it's that sort of next stage along. You know, they're already, like, athletes and now you're making them elite athletes.

Speaker A [00:14:23]:

Whereas I'm kinda, like, training the people to become athletes in the 1st place more commonly. I suppose that's, like generally the and I think because there's more people in that category, that I work with that that really just need some help even, you know, dealing with the trauma and getting to a place where they can feel pleasure and feel safety in their body and communicate their needs and all of this sort of stuff. So, yeah, it's great because we're sort of helping people at different stages of the journey. And I kinda thought this this episode could be, because I talk a lot about my my side of things, but I was like, alright. Well, you're really about, like, okay. How can we make this better? Bigger and better and more and also sustainable. Like, I know you talk about, like, you know, the process of aging and how to kind of really optimize your sexuality as you grow older. And, yeah, I know you've got a lot of experience with this.

Speaker A [00:15:18]:

So, maybe firstly, just to, like, wet everyone's whistles and just provide a bit more, like, motivational material in case the lure of great sex forevermore wasn't enough. Let's just, like, hash out some reasons why we might wanna have more epic sex. Because there's so many, like, there's so many health and, like, physical health and mental health and relational benefits to having great sex. And, yeah, I I think it would be really cool to talk about I mean, and those ones are a little bit more obvious, but then I know that you're a bit of an expert on the biochemical benefits of sexual pleasure and intimacy from, like, a biohacker perspective and, like, what it does in our bodies and brains. So maybe, if you could just kind of, yeah, give us a rundown on, like, why you're so passionate about people having more pleasure and more orgasms and, like, how that actually helps with antiaging and with mental health and whatever whatever.

Speaker C [00:16:17]:

Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. A lot of people want want that or or kind of need that. They need me to tell them the health benefits of sex. And I have some mixed thoughts about that, actually. And 1 of them is like there are people about if you take a 100 people, 15 of them are open to being, kind of, personal growth mindset, learning mindset oriented and interested in their sexuality. And 85% of them are basically not curious, not interested, unable to move through their shame, or their pain, or their repression, or their, you know, religious issues, or whatever might have happened to them.

Speaker C [00:17:04]:

So then you've got okay. The people listening to your show here hanging out on our clip pillows at the Labia Lounge, they're in that 15%. They're like, Tell me more. And it's I like to actually look at the end of the the last day of your life. Okay, you're dying today. And a long time ago you were that person who was like, Yeah, I pulled up a clip pillow and went to the lady lounge. And I cared about my sexuality. And I realized that it was a lot of learned skills and also overcoming a lot of myths and repression and things like that.

Speaker C [00:17:51]:

And I got through all that and I really started to, you know, be able to know what I wanted and ask for it with my partner. I I started to be really good at getting myself off. I started learning how to orgasm in different ways because I realized it's just learned skills and I'm gonna learn them. I'm not gonna just be that 1 and done person who struggles to have an orgasm. I'm gonna be a massively multi orgasmic person. Struggles to have an orgasm. I'm gonna be a massively multi orgasmic person. I've had great sex in my life.

Speaker C [00:18:21]:

It's really fulfilled me. All the orgasms that I've had and all the closeness that I've had with myself and my partner. The body acceptance that I came to by being surrendered to my pleasure and realizing that I love my imperfections and I'm perfectly fine with them and they don't hold me back from having incredible pleasure. So fuck it. I'm gonna stop having body image issues. I'm gonna realize that's my estrogen being judgy, which it's here to keep me safe and be like, screw it. I'm just gonna fucking love myself. And, I've had incredible lovers in my life.

Speaker C [00:18:59]:

I've had incredible sexual experiences. I've been the person who's been held and touched and pleasured and that's created incredible hormone cascades of, you know, oxytocin, which has been the antidote to stress in my life. I see other people and I look at them and I think to myself, girl, you need to get fucked. But I don't say anything. I just make sure I get fucked because I know how good it makes me feel about myself. I'm proud of myself for all of the pleasure that I've created. I'm proud of the fact that I've had all of these vascular events and my cardiovascular system has led me to be 97 years old and going strong on the last day of my life. I've had sex right into my nineties.

Speaker C [00:19:57]:

I look better than all of my friends who are 10 15 years younger than I am because my skin is nice and my hair is still thicker. And, you know, I just have a spring in my step and I always have that I've noticed other people don't. And I can tell the people who haven't they've taken path B, they said. Oh, I'm too old for sex and then they've shriveled up and they've wrinkled up and they've gotten grumpy and they're grumpy grandpas and grumpy grandmas, and I'm not I'm still happy. I'm still coming. I'm still in joy I have lived this life up and I have chewed it up and spit it out in a satisfying way. And that's the person that you can be if all you do is just have the intention to keep going. And when you hit a wall, oh God I got covid or I got whatever I got sick from something or I had cancer and I had to have chemo or whatever I kept working to get myself better.

Speaker C [00:21:04]:

I focused on my health. I noticed every time every moment when I was getting stronger again, I lived through all the things that were bad that happened to me. I said, nothing is going to keep me down. Nothing is going to keep me from my pleasure and my connection and the birthright that is my humanity which is my sexuality. And I just kept living and thriving and so I think that's really the kind of attitude that if that were more acceptable in our culture, that we didn't think people That there was anything wrong with old people having hot sex. And the only way we can change that is by being that. So, that's what I'm doing. I'm 63 next month.

Speaker C [00:21:58]:

And I'm having the absolute best sex of my life. Absolute best. Nothing can compare to the quality of the sex that I have now. How good it feels? How comfortable I am? How much pleasure I have? How much I can cum? How easy it is for me to ask for anything the easy flow of communication. All the fun I do. I mean I'm constantly doing new stuff. And 1 of the things that's great is when I say to my partner, hey, I have an idea. They're like what like it's excite.

Speaker C [00:22:37]:

I always like to say I'm fun to because it's always gonna be some new thing whether it's lingerie or a new sex toy or some new, you know, for that I like or whatever it is. The great thing about sex is that there's always something more. It won't run out on you. It will never forfeit you. And so I guess that's just The perspective is, you can be on road a or you can be on road b, and it's really your choice.

Speaker A [00:23:10]:

I think it's also a privilege thing though. I do think like, you know, having emotional privilege, having slightly less, I don't know, trauma, having the resources, having the time, the energy. I think so many people are in absolute and utter survival mode, that, you know, most of my clients, like, if I try to give them some homework or things to kind of go and do at home to improve their situation, they'd be lucky if they even have the energy or the time, or the space away from their kids or whatever, to be able to put energy into that. So, but I guess that's that's again, that's like I'm at this end of the spectrum working with, like, the the average kind of layman that's in the trenches just sort of getting by, and you're, like, helping people optimize and take that path a. And I found it interesting when you said, like, when people need to hear about the benefits, like, you you're in 2 minds about that. And I don't know why. But, yeah, my immediate thought was like, oh, yeah. I actually feel that because I think, like, what's sprung to mind for me is people it's like, why do we need to know that there's benefits to sex? Why can't we just do it? Because it feels good and it's enjoyable and it's pleasurable.

Speaker A [00:24:20]:

And I'm like, okay. Yeah. Because people, especially women often don't feel like we deserve pleasure. Don't feel like we deserve to have time taken on us and, you know, attention, doted on us. And so many people have all of these blockages around, you know, the guilt and the shame that they feel when it comes to being a sexual person or expressing themselves sexually, or, you know, engaging in in this in a way that feels really empowering and pleasurable to them. Like there's so many barriers to that, that, you know, you do need to be like, oh, but also like, by the way, it's really good for your brain chemistry and it'll help with your, you know, energy levels and, it's good for your skin and this and that. And then they're like, oh, okay. Cool.

Speaker A [00:25:07]:

Because it's almost like we have to convince people why they should do this as like self care or something like that because they, you know, we haven't really been conditioned to feel as though, like you said, it is our birthright to have amazing sex to, you know, quote unquote, indulge in pleasure. The fact that we even feel like it's an indulge kind of deal, you know, or it's, I mean, I hear the word selfish all the time when I'm working with female clients and they're talking about taking too much time or feeling selfish if they're receiving too much. And I'm just, like, far out. Like, we've, you know, we've really got such a long way to go before, more people can be in that category that you just described that you're in where they're, like, absolutely living their best life and completely claiming and owning their pleasure and their sexual expression. So I just wanted to like, like, you know, everything you said, I'm like, oh my God, how amazing, how inspiring epic. But then another part of me was like, but that I just want to caveat that that's not necessarily super possible for all that many people at this point in this world, in our society. And also, you know, it might not be someone's priority, if they've got a whole lot of other fires to put out or other, you know, passions and stuff. Like, I also have to remember people aren't all sex nerds like me and like you, that are kind of willing to like really put the effort in.

Speaker A [00:26:31]:

Because that's the other thing. It's like, this stuff does it's a learned skill. It takes practice. It takes, like, proper commitment. Proper proper commitment and a willing partner or 2, to really dedicate a good portion of your life to sex and to lovemaking and to connection and intimacy. And sometimes, you know, a lot I work with mostly women, and a lot of the time, they're keen, but they don't have a partner that's very willing, to dedicate time and to meet them in the middle there. So that's also a sad and, yeah, there's limitations. So I just wanted to say that in case anyone was hearing it going, oh, man.

Speaker A [00:27:10]:

Like, that's not me at all. I could never get there. Yeah. Just bring bring a bit of my own perspective and my reality, which is, you know, I'm a sex nerd, but I'm also so far from where you're at because I am in survival mode. And, you know, I'm just I'm just trying to kinda get by. So Can I say a couple

Speaker C [00:27:29]:

of things about what you said? Of course.

Speaker A [00:27:31]:

Hey, baby babes. Sorry to interrupt. I just had to pop my head into the lounge here and mention another virtual lounge that I'd love you to get around. It's the Labia Lounge Facebook group that I've created for listeners of the potty to mingle in. There you'll find extra bits and bobs like freebies, behind the scenes, or discounts for offerings from guests who have been interviewed on the podcast. They'll also be, hopefully, inspiring, thought provoking conversations, and support from a community of labial legends like yourself. My vision for this is that it becomes a really supportive, educational, and hilarious resource for you to have more access to me and a safe space to ask questions you can't ask anywhere else. So head over to links in the show notes or look up the Labia Lounge group in Facebook, and I'll see you in there.

Speaker A [00:28:17]:

And now back to the episode.

Speaker C [00:28:19]:

Yeah. Yeah. Of course. That's why I talked about 15 out of a100. Yeah. Because Yeah. Of the the resources and the partner issues and, you know, a lot of things. The other thing is that that time when you're raising your children, it's a really really tough time to work on your sex.

Speaker C [00:28:35]:

Yeah. You just have no fucking privacy. But after that, like your forties, your fifties, and your sixties. So if you're in the the the baby times right now, know that it won't last forever. I didn't even have my first orgasm from intercourse until I was 42. It's what got me into the business of sexuality. The only way I could cum was, with a vibrator on my clit. And I still had sex with my husband for 12 years and never had an orgasm until I was like, this is not good.

Speaker C [00:29:09]:

We have to fix this. Mhmm. That's what set me on the journey was I knew there was there had to be more and it took me no time at all to learn how to do it. And I was like, we need to teach everybody. But the other

Speaker A [00:29:18]:

thing is

Speaker C [00:29:20]:

the other thing about I I wanna bring in 1 more kind of cultural overlay to this. And that is that we are more and more in our cultures laboring under a capitalistic society where we aren't making enough money because the corporations are keeping all the money and not giving it to their employees. It's going to the top 1%. And they're not paying enough taxes on it here in America either. And so people aren't getting the education the health care it is just minimum wage. It's difficult. It's harder and harder and harder for people to make ends meet. So sex becomes a luxury.

Speaker C [00:30:10]:

But yeah, think about this. When you are scrolling social media, when you are watching TV, when you are shopping online, when you are eating out at restaurants, when you are doing all of these other things, you're contributing your money and time to someone else's benefit and not getting an equal fair shakeout. So when you go out to dinner and a movie, instead of have sex, you're actually not making yourself healthier. You're making yourself sicker. Because you're eating crappy quality foods instead of eating home cooked foods. And you're not getting the oxytocin, and the closeness, and the hormone cascade, and the neuro transmitter cascade and the grounding and the compassion and the love because you're sitting next to each other in a chair and you're tapped into someone else's agenda for your time and money and so a part of what people like Freya and I are doing is we're anarchists. We're opting out of other of corporate, you know, utilization of our time and energy. And we're having healthy human connection instead.

Speaker C [00:31:49]:

And so when you think I'm too under resourced, part of what's creating the lack of resource can often be that there are still things taking away from you rather than fueling you and your sexuality will fuel you And we forget about that. Mhmm.

Speaker A [00:32:14]:

Yeah. And sex is free. We should just be fucking more instead of going going to the movies. So yeah. I love that. And another thing that, popped into my mind was, like, you know, when you're talking about the child rearing years, just not being the best time to be trying to, you know, optimize your sex life. Let's face it. I was thinking, like, it sucks, especially that we also have this, you know, societal, programming or this narrative that says, like, women peak sexually in their thirties, and then it's all downhill and you're gonna shrivel up and menopause.

Speaker A [00:32:52]:

Oh my god. Doom and glimp. And I've done a lot of episodes on, on menopause and on sex in later life and and all of this. So, like, you know, hopefully my listeners are familiar with this concept, but I genuine and I had a client the other day who's just her kids are just sort of, like, late teenagers. They're just getting to the point where they're more independent and she's got more time and she's just like, finally, I can work on this stuff and she's come to work with me. And I'm like and and I I hear very frequently, like, oh, I feel like I've missed the boat. I wasted time. I still haven't had an orgasm, and I'm this age or whatever whatever.

Speaker A [00:33:24]:

And I'm like, oh my god, babe. Like, the best is yet to come. You're literally at the prime time because I truly believe that, like, there is so much to look forward to, and you only really start having, like, the best sex you can ever have, like, basically post menopause. Because also you give less fucks then. And there's no kids left to kind of, you know, take your time and energy, and you've got the privacy, and you can really just focus on you. So I think, like, if we if we, you know and that's it's, you know, I just hate the way that our society looks at aging in general, as this, like, dreadful thing where your life is over because, like, it honestly appeals so much to me, like, to finally, you know, not be in survival mode or child rearing or and also that's great. But, you know, I I look at, like, imagine, like, when I'm, you know, I'm kind of in my sixties, maybe I've retired. I can do all this, like, you know, hobby.

Speaker A [00:34:23]:

I can do my hobbies. I can garden. I can kind of really focus on the stuff I wanna focus on. I feel like that's when people sometimes really can come into their own. But because we have this, like, cultural or social narrative around aging, and it being kind of the beginning of the end once you retire and, you know, that becomes a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy for a lot of people. So yeah. More sex. Basically, I'm just gonna try and bring it back because I haven't even, looked at my questions.

Speaker A [00:34:54]:

We've just been, like, meandering around, and I love it. But to refocus off, I might just slot in the segment, get pregnant and die, and then I'll leap into some questions. But do you have a sex ed story that you'd like to share with us? Maybe how your sex ed failed you, maybe how your sex ed was great, maybe something you wanted to have learned more about, any kind of anecdote that springs to mind about your sex ed. Don't have sex because you will get pregnant and. Don't have sex in a missionary position. Don't don't have sex standing up. Just don't do it. Promise?

Speaker C [00:35:37]:

Oh, god. I don't know sex Ed. What what is it? It's just propaganda and bullshit and fear mongering. I think generally all this at least here in America, the sex that we have is like you know, Oh semen. It's the devil you know and just like you've gotta I mean everything is wrong with sex ed for most people in our country, for sure. If I 1 of the things that I I funny, Nat Krugotis and I, I don't know if you know her. She's such Yeah. Since you know Nat, she, she and I did a segment once on how to tell your kids about sex.

Speaker C [00:36:15]:

That's really good. It's on my better lover.com website. And just like her approach, and my approach, and they were both different, and equally good, and that was kind of fun. You know, the different stages and ages, and how you tell your kids about sex. I think that's really important. My mother always just answered all my questions. I was really lucky. She told me anything I needed to know or wanted to know, and and and she was always really open about it.

Speaker C [00:36:40]:

So I I was very lucky that I would say that 1 of the things that I hear from people that is just like, if I had a nickel for every time I heard. I Yeah. Feeling

Speaker A [00:36:52]:

it is,

Speaker C [00:36:52]:

my parents never told me about sex. And, I, you know, they never really showed any affection. I'm not even sure if my parents ever even had sex. I just was really in the dark about it. And they hold on to that in, kind of, a victim mentality and real grudgy, kind of, way. And I say to them, nobody's parents told them about sex. Nobody's everyone's parents pretended they didn't have sex. Everybody's parents were having sex.

Speaker C [00:37:21]:

And you need to get over that and let that go. It is not your parents' fault. Sex is for you to learn and you to figure out. And that's why you're literally here telling me that you're frustrated. For you. Friend. Because I'd all be like, let that shit go. That if I have a t shirt, that's what it is.

Speaker C [00:37:46]:

Let that shit go, man. Like, move on. Just start learning. What do you wanna know? That's the other reason that whole, like, 44 books and programs thing is because when you are I'm a mass market person. I'm a mainstream brand, better lover. And so my customers are mainstream. What is mainstream? Heterosexual monogamous. Of course, I love the sparkle rainbow.

Speaker C [00:38:16]:

I'm a sparkle rainbow pony. But most people are heterosexual monogamous or serially monogamous, you know, cisgender people. And what do they wanna know about? How do I eat a pussy? How do I suck a dick? How how do I have an orgasm from intercourse? You know like really basic stuff? How do I ask for what I want in bed without my partner getting upset at me? You know, like, the simplest stuff. And and yet, they come in in all different ways, through all different means into my, you know, into the pachinko game that is my universe. And, I try to meet them wherever they are. Whatever they wanna know. Like, if they've got premature ejaculation, or a bump on their dick or their labia or whatever it is. Let's solve what's on your mind and then let's figure out where you are and where you wanna go like what's working.

Speaker C [00:39:16]:

What's not working? What's your turn on? What's your fantasy? What's your ideal situation? You know, what's your goal? Whatever. And then, 1 of the things that I recently created which I think is probably you know something that I had to do what I do for decades to be able to create this. It's my sex life bucket list. It's at sexlifebucketlist.com. So your listeners could go there. That's a good link to put with this episode. Sexlifebucketlist.com. You get a PDF and it comes with a video from me where you download this PDF and you can print it out.

Speaker C [00:39:57]:

And then, you can watch the video solo or with your partner. It's good for both. And I walk you through 48 erotic play dates. Fun ideas for things you can do sexually. Nothing weird. There's no pooping on or peeing on or like gross things. It's all like you know like I'm just not into scat and stuff, but and I don't think your average bear is but it basically helps you get a sense of get a direction because sex is so vast. And like you said, we are sex nerds, but not everyone is.

Speaker C [00:40:38]:

They just wanna put 1 foot in front of the next and do the next thing that's gonna serve their pleasure and growth well. And that's why I had to learn everything to be able to put boil it down into these fun ideas that you could try. And some of them are sexual bio hacking. Some of them are a little kinky. Some of them are more like a little dominant submissive, but they're all very sweet. You would not do this with your partner and get embarrassed you would do this with your partner and go. I never even thought of that or we said we were gonna try that and we never did. And then essentially, what you do is you take a's, b's and c's.

Speaker C [00:41:22]:

A's are definitely going on my bucket list. B's are, wouldn't be on my list. But if you wanna do it, I'm doing it with you. Of course. C's are, it's not for me right now. Never say never because as you mature and you try new things, other things are going to become interesting to you. There is definitely an ascension model in your sexual growth. And so, I think from everything that we've been talking about this whole conversation, We've talked about the cultural aspects of sexual repression, and how the people who listen to your show are the people who are like, I'm in the 15%.

Speaker C [00:42:13]:

I want more. What do I want? Where should I go? What should I do? That's the sex life bucket list. That'll give you the answer for your next step because it's individualized.

Speaker A [00:42:26]:

Beautiful. I love that a, b, and c. And I Yeah. I totally I used to be, like, before I started doing all this work. And part of the reason I started doing this work on myself personally first was because I was very, like, rigid and very, like, nope. That's yuck. I don't like that. I'm never doing that.

Speaker A [00:42:44]:

That's dirty. That's shameful. Whatever, whatever that's, you know, degrading to the woman. Like I was very, very rigid about what I would and wouldn't do and what I did and didn't like. And that was all just through the lens of shame. So it's it's been really cool to over the years of being so dedicated to this sort of work for myself personally, and then also like professionally, how much that's changed and how much more open minded I am. And and I know that, you know, it's something that I'm not into now and can't possibly imagine being into, it doesn't mean that's completely off the table forever. So I like that you put that caveat in there.

Speaker A [00:43:26]:

I'm wondering, like, how because so many people that I work with, you know, when I kinda inquire, like, okay. So you're not loving the sex you're having. You're not feeling satisfied. Do you know what you do like? Do you actually kind of have a good read on your desires and, what you are aroused by. And so obviously, like great sex, we're talking about how to have sustainably great sex forever for the rest of our lives. And that great sex really must be meeting our needs, you know, safety, you know, authentic expression, and fulfilling our desires. So I'm wondering, like, is this you know, obviously, the bucket list is 1 tool. How else do you help people unpack what they truly desire when it comes to physical intimacy? And maybe let's, yeah, also include, like, the the not just the 15%, but the 85% because I think I've got a mixture of listeners.

Speaker C [00:44:22]:

Mhmm. Well, I think everything really starts with listening to your pussy. She's talking to you all the time. 1 of my girlfriends, Deborah Kagan, she's another sexpert in LA. I've known her for decades now. We kind of grew up in the space together. She'd be great to have on your show. If you want an intro, let me know.

Speaker A [00:44:49]:

Yeah. Great.

Speaker C [00:44:53]:

She told me 1 time that the larynx, our throat, and the cords, and the way that our throat makes sound looks spectacularly like our vulva. And so that what 1 of the things that she wants to do is to remind women that both ends of our body speak. 1 can just make sounds and words, but the other can't. And so, we have to use our larynx to speak for our yoni. Mhmm. And I think that for most women because and you you said this earlier, Freya. You were talking about how women are, you know, feel like pleasures and indulge is indulging. That's that pure, you know, that puritanical perspective, or, you know, we are supposed to be givers not receivers, having trouble receiving.

Speaker C [00:45:43]:

You know, all of these kinds of things. And a lot of women, I think, I know you've heard this. This is another 1 of those if I had a nickel kind of things in sex, it's I don't know what I want. I just know what I'm getting isn't it Right? Yeah. So 1 of the foundations I think it's the foundation of all of my work is a technique that I give away called the sexual soulmate pact, PACT. And essentially I learned this. I've been very lucky to have some incredible mentors in my life. The universe put me in the in the realm of some amazing sexual educators and they have said, I will teach you my things.

Speaker C [00:46:35]:

I want you to carry these forward. And 1 of them is doctor Patty Taylor and she is from the Moore House, Moore University, sex cult, basically. Out of which things like orgasmic meditation came which is called deliberate massive orgasm. And she taught me this technique. I called it the sexual soulmate pact because I have a best selling book called sexual soulmates, the 6 essentials of connected sex. And it's 1 of the 6 essentials and I would say it is the essential. And I wrote that book after over a decade of being in this business and people a 1000000 people asking me questions and me giving them ideas of what to do and then and then they would tell me how things were going and I would see what was working and what wasn't and what was missing and what they needed. I boiled it all down to these 6 essentials and the very first 1 is this notion of this agreement between lovers that allows both of you to hear whatever your partner needs to say.

Speaker C [00:47:47]:

And to hear it in a way that you don't take it personally or like it was your failing. You don't contract you actually want it. You love them to tell you what they want, what they need, what they're feeling, what's too much, their ideas, everything and anything that sex no longer is this quiet thing that is done with you know genitals rubbing together and instead, it's this free spirited dialogue and you know movement and pleasure and all of these things and the Sexual Soulmate Pact, which you can get at sexual soulmate pact.com, really gives you the setup for creating this agreement with your partner where you're gonna be able to speak from these upper lips, Whatever your lower lips are telling you and when women say I don't know what I want they do. They're just not listening and so it teaches you how to begin listening using what's called interception. It's 1 of our senses. It's that sense of what you're feeling in your body like you know when you have to fart, you know when you're gonna hangnail. You know when you've got acid in suggestion. You know when you're getting your period.

Speaker C [00:49:08]:

You know all these things. And so, you have interoception. You just have to bring it into your sexuality. And then you have to have the conditions with your partner where you feel really comfortable saying anything and everything about what you need and want and what your desires are. And pretty soon, you start tapping into your body's desires in a way that expands your pleasure. All of a sudden, your body's telling you, you know what would really feel good to me right now? Like, I'll give you an example. 2 nights ago, I had a date with my boyfriend. And I said to him We we had gone for a bike ride and we'd come back and we'd taken a shower.

Speaker C [00:49:46]:

And my bedroom, you noticed how sunny it is here. When we first got on, you were like, oh, it's so sunny there. My bedroom is on this same wall with the studio in my house and the light was streaming in on my bed and it was a beautiful afternoon, a warm sunny afternoon And I said to him, I would like to lay down in the sunshine and I was wondering if the first thing that you did was put a little bit of this pain cream on. I had worn a bikini that was lower than the other bikini. And I had a little sunburn crescent moons on my boobs and on my belly. I said, can you put some pain cream on my boobs and my belly? He goes, sure. And then I said, could you rub this butter? I love this certain body butter that's like all natural. It has no gunk in it.

Speaker C [00:50:33]:

I said, could you rub this butter into my thighs and my shins and all on my arms and chest? Sure baby, I can do that. And then I said, okay. Can you rub some of this awaken arousal oil on my yoni? Do it all the way to the edges, my groin to groin, all across my mons down to by perineum, but not, it's not lube, It's an arousal oil so just put a coating on my whole outer labia. My my little labia don't go in to my vestibule just outer area. Sure baby. How's this is this enough? Do you want a little more? No. That's perfect and I said, okay now could you take this breast oil And could you And I held my boobs up, you know, and I squeezed them up, because they practically hang in my armpits these days. Better to dip in their mouths.

Speaker C [00:51:24]:

That's what I say. And I held my boots up like this and he dribbled the the oil on my nipples, you know, and and then I kept holding, so he put a little more on there. And then he started playing with my nipples. It feels so good with that oil. I was like, Oh God it just feels so good and we started kissing just a little you know just a little tiny kisses. It was really sweet and then pretty soon I was getting really turned on and like I stuck my hand at the back of his neck up in his hair and I grabbed his hair and I pulled him toward me and I put my hands on his big biceps and I was squeezing his biceps and pulling him toward me and jamming my tongue down his throat and he was giving me nipple gas and you know and it was like so nice that I just asked for what I wanted. And I didn't even know that's what I wanted till I was about ready to lie down there on the bed. And I was like, I, mommy needs to get buttered.

Speaker C [00:52:25]:

You know, like, I just wanted to be like, I wanted to have all the right things in the right places and it just felt so relaxing. And I said to him, how was that for you? And he said, oh, I absolutely loved it. He said, there was no performance required. You told me exactly what you wanted. It was so relaxing for me. I love just lying in the sunshine and cuddling and connecting and it was so sexy and I loved feeling how turned on you got and how you were just like kinda grabbing me and I love I love your, like, athleticism and your your you know just your willingness to just be like really turned on and I thought to myself that's that's actually a good story. That's a good example of I didn't know what I wanted till I knew it. I asked for it.

Speaker C [00:53:11]:

He had no trouble taking a lot of very specific direction with it didn't make him feel bad. He freaking loved it. We had a super good time. And so, I think just hearing stories like that might give other people ideas of how they might show up in their own desire. Whatever it is. Because that was my random little thing I wanted that I've never done before that sounded good that day.

Speaker A [00:53:41]:

Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. I love it. It's, it's so challenging for so many people to ask for what they want and and often, you know, it might not be received as as receptively as your your husband, you know, that direction. But I mean, I've got a lot of episodes on communicating in the bedroom and giving and receiving feedback so people can can listen to those. But I think, like, yeah, you've gotta you've just really gotta, prioritize either creating that within the relationship, that ability to communicate, or you need to find a new partner because how are you supposed to, you know, follow your pussy and follow your desire and follow your pleasure and ask for what you want in the moment. If you you're you're with someone that's not willing to participate and to be okay with you giving guidance.

Speaker A [00:54:30]:

You know?

Speaker C [00:54:32]:

Well, I had a boyfriend once who was like, big, dumb, stubborn, donkey. I really liked having sex with him. But God, was he a stubborn, dumbass donkey. And it took me a long time. It was like flogging a beast to get him to learn that when I asked, when I made a request, he needed to positively acknowledge it. And I don't think that a lot of women feel like they they want to do that. But it's worth it because even big oxes, big stubborn oxes can be trained. And so, you know how when you have to tell your kids like 1, 274, 000, 000 times to pick their shit up off the floor, to close the refrigerator door, whatever.

Speaker C [00:55:27]:

And you do it because you know, ultimately, they're gonna grow up and they'll actually be tidy or have a refrigerator or whatever. You know what I mean? Like you do it over and over and over again because you know that's just how it is. That's some sometimes you're gonna be in a relationship with a big ox, and you still love them. Don't give up on them. Just think about them Just think about them like that. Like that kid. Like it's you're kidding you. Just you're training them.

Speaker C [00:55:57]:

My my mentor, doctor Patty Taylor said, you're always training your partners. Whether you're doing it explicitly or implicitly. Implicit is, you just let them get away with shit. And then they know you've trained them, but they can just get away with shit. Explicit is, no, I really need you to say thank you. Got it, baby. How's this? Tell me more. I need the encouragement so that I'm willing to open up to you and keep telling you what I need so you can give me the incredible pleasure.

Speaker C [00:56:26]:

I know you want to give me and I'm a woman who runs with the moon and so it's different everyday. How could you know you can't? It's not your fault. Let me help you by thanking me when I tell you. And that stubborn ox learned the skill. It took him a long time, but he finally did. And then things were great. So, you know, maybe maybe you need to get rid of them. Maybe not.

Speaker C [00:56:54]:

It depends. It depends on whether you really like having sex with that ox or not.

Speaker A [00:57:00]:

Totally. It depends. Yeah. It depends how how many other boxes they're ticking as far as whether it's worth it. Yeah. Because some people don't wanna sound that cockroach. Yeah. So, like, I I know, you know, so for me, generally, I'm trying to, you know, remind people that it's just as much, if not more about communication skills and rapport and trust and safety and all the other things as much as it is about physical techniques.

Speaker A [00:57:36]:

But I know that you also have a lot of physical techniques that you teach. So I'm curious to hear what a couple of your favorites are that might feel, like, most widely applicable and kind of consistently effective. I it's very tricky because I'm always hesitant to give physical techniques So often what works for 1 woman won't work for another or what works 1 day of your cycle won't work on another day. So it's tricky to kind of give techniques that are gonna be, you know, helpful or applicable for, like, a lot of people. But, do you have any that, you know, if we're looking at giving people some tools to have great sex for life, which is your kind of whole MO, what are your go to physical techniques that you like to teach people about? Excuse this quick interruption. I'm shamelessly seeking reviews and 5 star ratings for the potty because as I'm sure you've noticed by now, it's pretty fab, and the more people who get to hear it, the more people I can help with it. Reviews and ratings actually do make a big difference to this little independent podcaster, and it's really easy to just quickly show your support by taking that simple act of either leaving 5 stars for the show on Spotify or, even better, writing a written review and leaving 5 stars over on Apple Podcasts. Or if you're a real overachiever, you can do them both.

Speaker A [00:59:00]:

That would be mad. If you're writing a review though, just be sure to use g rated words because despite the fact that this is a podcast about sexuality, words like sex can be censored and your review won't make it through the gates. Lame. Anyway, I would personally recommend doing that right now while you remember just to get on top of it and let me know you're with me on this journey. Thanks, gang. Enjoy the rest of the epi. Yeah.

Speaker C [00:59:27]:

Yeah. And I think, the stables the stable 3 legged stool of a great sex life is bedroom communication, sexual techniques, you know, understanding pleasure skills, and, intimate wellness. Right? Keeping the parts working. Those really that makes a solid foundation, those 3 things. And they're all equally important. You can't have 1 without the other. They all go together. But a lot of men are driven to get sex techniques.

Speaker C [00:59:51]:

They wanna give her, but they wanna make her come, you know, like, that's their Yeah. Where women are much more like, I need to be able to tell them what I need. You know? But everything meets in the middle, which is good. I think, probably, orgasmic intercourse is a place where because most people are in, you know, heterosexual pair bonds. Mhmm. That most so many women struggle to have orgasms from intercourse because the men are basically fucking us like they see on porn, and porn is not passionate love making. And porn is not, created to pleasure a vagina. It's created to pleasure a penis.

Speaker C [01:00:40]:

And so, you know, the old in and out like, I think that is where a lot of relationships get ruined because they rush to intercourse because they think that's what sex is, and that comes from religion, which is sex is for procreation only, so the only thing that matters is intercourse. When in reality, all of the other things are sex too, and they're the things that with an arousal cycle of 20 to 30 minutes for a woman to achieve her clitoral erection before things really feel good. Sex is long over and the ox has been eating a sandwich for the last 10 minutes. And she's like, well, I've been doing this for 12 years. I think I want a divorce. You know? And he's like, a divorce? What are you talking about? And you're like, well, I've been complaining for 12 years. What are you doing? You know, it's like, these are the things that play out and so you know I was just talking to a guy and he's like my wife filed divorce and I'm I'm shocked and I'm like I bet you are but you know she's not shocked. She's been bitching about this for decades, you know.

Speaker C [01:01:44]:

So I think orgasmic intercourse where both parties learn what a vagina needs to have orgasms. And that the clitoral structures wrap around the vagina. And that the vagina doesn't necessarily want friction as its prime strategy for orgasm. And that women aren't broken because they're not having orgasms. That orgasms from intercourse are simply 1 of the 20 kinds of orgasms your body can learn how to have using orgasmic activation So that you awaken the mind vulva vagina connection. And I have a dozen techniques atorgasmicintercourse.com where I just basically, what you get is links to all the techniques that I've written. They're all free. It's all free.

Speaker C [01:02:52]:

That I think really helps because there are techniques for him like the heart tongue method, and there are techniques for her. Like, another good 1 I like is called glissando. Techniques for her, including crouching tiger, bouncing lion, and some other

Speaker A [01:03:15]:

able to describe, like, any any, that you know, because so many people, you know, are gonna listen to the podcast in the car Yeah. And then they're gonna forget to chase up Yeah.

Speaker C [01:03:25]:

And look look at things.

Speaker A [01:03:26]:

You wanted to do. So I'd love to be able to well, I guess 1 that you you 1 of your favorites that you think would be, like, most kind of enjoyable or applicable for, like, most listeners who

Speaker C [01:03:35]:

I think you want. Women. Yeah. Probably, Glissando is a nice 1 because, basically, when guys think about having a course with women, they think that their job is to plunge their penis in and out and so it's like a piston and I like them to and usually, they're very tight. Their hips are tight. And so, you know, we've all seen the meme of the guy on the Internet who's got this wonderful hip drop and he's got these swivelly hips. It just looks like he would be so incredible in bed because of the way he's moving his pelvis and it's rocking in this wonderful way. It looks like it would probably just hit your g spot just right and you you know like that kind of thing and then you think about you know your ox and he's going boom boom boom boom boom boom like you know that's that's kind of the difference.

Speaker C [01:04:34]:

And so what Glissando does, it works really well in doggy position. Doggy style, him behind her. She's on her knees where instead of him going into her with his pelvis, he's actually rocking her on his penis so he's can slide her up and down the length of his penis and give her short little strokes and then some long deep strokes. Toggling between shallow and deep really helps toggle the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system in a way that the vagina finds particularly pleasurable. Also over time as you age, you're you'll often find that you like it a little deeper and deeper and deeper as you age. Things kind of open up in there and you get more used to it and you're a little less afraid of a depth of sensation and that can feed into kind of the what women often call the cervical orgasms and things like that, but you're actually going beyond the cervix. The cervix isn't the at the very end of the of the, you know, of the canal. It's it's about 3 quarters of the way down, and so that deep space back there is very nice, but it doesn't want a constant hammering.

Speaker C [01:06:02]:

It wants some awareness and a little bit of stimulation and not just constant. And so I think Lisandro is nice because it it gives a guy an opportunity to think about shallow versus deep and about a very smooth kind of an approach to intercourse where once he's got your hips and he can kind of glide you on him, he can actually be more soft and gentle and fluid with the way that he's stroking you than when he's just trying to do it with his pelvic thrust. So that would be 1 example where and also, of course, communication super helpful during this time if you want more shallow or more deep or you like the real long slides, you know, we'll do that some more go back to that thing. Oh that feels good. Keep doing it till I say stop. And then giving women a real kind of like, you can do it girl. You can do it for cowgirl. Getting her up on top of him and having her slide down and control all the movement where she can do grinding deep into him, or she can do sliding and go back and forth between those things.

Speaker C [01:07:27]:

The more she does that, the more she'll be able to say, oh. This is what my pussy wants right now. And just do that and she'll learn a series of techniques that allow her to stroke herself with his penis in different ways, And she'll develop stamina in her legs and her butt muscles that'll make it better for her. And he can play with her breasts and her nipples and kiss her and tell her how beautiful she is and adore her while she's taking her pleasure on him. So things like that tend to really help women have better orgasmic response.

Speaker A [01:08:10]:

Amazing. Yeah. I think that's really helpful and practical, in terms of, like, a bit of guidance to give people to try. And and it always breaks my heart when, and I hear it a fair bit actually when women don't feel comfortable being on top, and they they feel really, yeah, awkward and self conscious about being on top. And I'm like, oh my god. That's my favorite position. That's when I can do exactly what I want and control the depth and the pace and the motion and, you know, it's sort of it's sort of lends itself to a lot of pleasure and you can get all of the, you know, the internal structures as well as the, external parts of, like, the clitoris involved all in the 1 position. So it's kinda like when women aren't comfortable doing it, I just feel like they're being robbed.

Speaker A [01:09:02]:

Because it's this, it's this self consciousness and it's this like discomfort with following their own pleasure and like taking their pleasure that they're not used to. But I think it's such a good thing to just practice getting more and more comfortable with. And if you have to do it with the lights off to begin with, then, like, do that. But honestly, just give it a go and practice it because once you get over that discomfort and awkwardness and the self consciousness, it's definitely a really amazing way to, like, learn what your body likes and how to follow the pleasure by adapting what you're doing rather than kinda just, like, you know, trying to receive what the guy is doing and like trying to get into it or trying to guide him. Like that that's possible, but it's yeah. It's a bit of a shortcut if you can just, like, jump on top and kinda, like, figure it out yourself. You know? Yeah.

Speaker C [01:09:52]:

You get better and better at it. At first, you're like, I don't know what I'm doing up here, and I don't know how to get myself off and then pretty soon you're like. 00I like that. I'll do that more and you're like. Oh, that doesn't feel good. Okay. I'm doing that. I feel a little awkward.

Speaker C [01:10:05]:

Oh that feels good. You know, I feel like it just stacks up after a while, and you get really good. You know what, my favorite things to do is I love to get on my husband and straddle him. He's given me like an incredible yoni massage, and he's made me cum 37 different times, and he stroking my g spot, and you know, it's just like all like, my pussy's all like engorged and everything. And he loves me to tell him a dirty story while I ride him. He's very auditory in his, you know, turn on. And, so I'll get on top of him and I'll just bring him. Peek him and peek him and peek him.

Speaker C [01:10:39]:

Take him right to the edge, right to the edge, right to the edge, right to the edge, right to tell him the dirtiest story I can think of. And like, bonus points for it being like, disgustingly dirty. That's what he loves. And it's so funny because I've gotten really good at it over the years. You know, at first I didn't even know what to say. And now I'm pretty good at making that some crazy shit, and it's just fantasy. It doesn't mean anything, you know. I mean, sometimes it's like, there's 3 cheerleaders involved.

Speaker C [01:11:07]:

I mean, it's you know, ridiculous stuff that he's gonna enjoy. And, I just love to just have him lie there and just have him just like feel so good over and over and over again, you know it's just so it makes me feel great to be able to do that. It's very empowering and I just learned how to do it like everything we do in life. You just gotta practice it until you feel like you've got mastery. And it's not that hard and it comes pretty quickly.

Speaker A [01:11:36]:

Yeah. I mean, the main thing getting in the way is feeling self conscious and and sort of feeling that performance anxiety. And also just, yeah, I mean, the the biggest tips that I've been it's it's funny because sometimes I'll I'll get a real, you know, influx or a kind of batch of clients 1 after the other that all seem to be kind of having a difficulty with the similar thing or needing the same kind of advice. And lately, it's been teaching them how to not give any fucks about other people and actually just following their own pleasure because we're robbing ourselves of pleasure when we're preoccupied and distracted by mental chatter about what the other person's thinking, how we can be, you know, pleasing them more. And these are women and it's there's nothing wrong with wanting to please your partner, but these are women that haven't learned how to please themselves yet because they've always been so preoccupied with the man that they're with, and how to please him or what what he's thinking or what, you know, what she's looking like. And so, yeah, my my biggest kind of takeaways for these clients lately have been, you know, really learning to follow their own pleasure and listening to their body, and not caring as much about what the other person thinks. He's gonna be fucking enjoying himself regardless, especially if you are following your pleasure. Like, that is hot.

Speaker A [01:12:57]:

And yeah, it's so empowering once you've got that piece down pat. And then of course you can, you know, refocus on like following your own pleasure and not giving any fucks while also optimizing what you can do to please your partner and and create more and more enjoyment for both of you. But your little story then just reminded me, we've got to squeeze in the segment TMI. Do TMI we build it? Even though this whole episode's basically been TMI, but this is, a little segment where I asked.

Speaker C [01:13:31]:

What do you mean the time has been TMI?

Speaker A [01:13:35]:

Well, TMI, you know, for general dinner table talk among manies, norm norm core people, it would be considered, oh, that's a bit too much information. Don't tell me about how you're talking about a dirty story while you're riding your husband's cock. So, you know, everything we talk about has been pretty terrifying. Having

Speaker C [01:13:56]:

dinner? Who are you eating with?

Speaker A [01:14:01]:

But I'd love to grab another story from you. And there's something that piqued my curiosity that I saw briefly in maybe 1 of your Instagram stories, and you don't have to talk about this, but I thought it could be a good topic for TMI. Are you in a throuple? Yeah.

Speaker C [01:14:17]:

I am in a throuble.

Speaker A [01:14:18]:

Nice. Yeah. 2 men. My boyfriend

Speaker C [01:14:20]:

of 32 years and my boyfriend of 3a half years. Yeah. It's really exciting. About it that much because, you know, I was recently on a couple of poly podcasts, and they they wanted me to talk about it. And they wanted me to talk about, like, what problems you know and I've been we've had an open relationship for decades and so we've had many problems in addition to

Speaker A [01:14:46]:

a lot to navigate.

Speaker C [01:14:48]:

I've had 100 and 100 and 100 of threesomes with my partners. You know I really love to have, sex with more than 1 person at a time. It's really fun for me. But I don't talk about it a lot because I don't want people to think that that's any expectation that I have or recommendation that I have for them. Most people are blissfully, you know, heterosexual, monogamous. And that is perfect for that. And so, I don't share it to say that I recommend it. I really don't.

Speaker C [01:15:21]:

It's just what suits us. We love it. And I think my 27 year old daughter loves our my boyfriend, and he loves her. And we're a family. You know? We're just that kind of what is called kitchen table poly. And it just works really well for all of us for all kinds of reasons. And those guys are incredible in bed, and they give me so much pleasure. And I have so much fun with them.

Speaker C [01:15:53]:

1 of the things we did a couple of weekends ago, we went to Carl's house, Tim and I did he wanted to make us pizzas in his new oven gluten free for me, because I'm a gluten free girl. And I have to, I'm a celiac. And, it's so cute because you are? Oh, wow. Yeah. And, it was so cute because I wore a sexy outfit and high heels, you know, so I looked really cute. And I said, you know what I really want. I want an adoration party. I would like to just stand up here in front of you guys sitting down there on the couch and I would like you to just tell me everything you love about me.

Speaker C [01:16:31]:

How sexy I am. How smart I am. How creative I am. How beautiful I am, and I want specifics.

Speaker A [01:16:42]:

Fuck. Yeah. Specifics. Gotta be specific. This sounds like

Speaker C [01:16:45]:

my dream, honestly. Pull on the validation and compliments, please. Yes. We need that. As women, we want to be adored and found sexually irresistible in equal measure. And men, they want to be respected for doing a good job. They want to win and be respected. We're different.

Speaker C [01:17:13]:

And so and and you know those are generalities. We're all across the spectrum. Sprinkle the sparkle rainbow into that sentence however you choose. Those are reasonable generalities. And, I enjoyed that so much. They just went on and on and on. And then we went into the bedroom and had a fabulous threesome. That was my, like, you know, my my warm up, my foreplay, my moral my moral pleasure.

Speaker A [01:17:45]:

Totally. Totally. Oh my god. I love your luggage. You are killing it, babe. So good. Thank you, Precious.

Speaker B [01:17:55]:

Hey. Me again. If you'd like to support the potty and you've already given it 5 stars on whatever platform you're listening on, I wanna mention that you can buy some really dope merch from the website and get yourself a labia lounge tote, tea, togs. Yep. You heard that right. I even have labia lounge bathers, or a cute fanny pack if that'd blow your hair back. So, if fashion isn't your passion though, you can donate to my buy me a coffee donation page, which is actually called buy me a soy chai latte because I'll be the first to admit, I'm a bit of a Melbourne cafe tosser like that. And yes, that is my coffee order.

Speaker B [01:18:33]:

You can do a 1 soft donation or an ongoing membership and sponsor me for as little as 3 fat ones a month. And I offer 1 on 1 coaching and online courses that'll help you level up your sex life and relationship with yourself and others in a really big way.

Speaker A [01:18:49]:

So every bit helps because it ain't cheap to put out a sweet podcast, into the world every week out

Speaker B [01:18:55]:

of my own pocket. So I will be I'm dyingly grateful if you support me and my biz financially in any of these ways. And if you like, I'll even give you a mental BJ with my mind from the lounge itself. Saucy. And, I'll pop the links in the show notes. Thank you. Later.

Speaker A [01:19:14]:

So I know I've gone a little bit over time. I'm just conscious of it taking up too much of your time.

Speaker C [01:19:19]:

Yeah.

Speaker A [01:19:19]:

Is there anything you kinda want to leave us with? I had another kind of question around, relationship values, because I thought that's obviously quite important for having amazing sex. You know, you can have all the techniques and the communication skills you want, but, you know, without alignment in terms of your values, that might be tricky to have ongoing great sex. Is there anything you wanna say on that or anything you wanna leave our listeners with, in terms of pointing them in the right direction to have amazing sex for the rest of their lives?

Speaker C [01:19:53]:

I really feel like we've given so much that I I'm conscious about overwhelming people. I think the relationship values piece is something we could save for another segment. It is more relationship oriented than sex oriented and it it takes a bit to get into. But it's it's really just about uncovering what it is you want out of the relationship and and telling your partner exactly what you want so they can give it to you and they don't have to guess. Because they're basically treating you the way they wanna be treated because they don't know how you wanna be treated and vice versa. And so I do think that bedroom can't be great until outside the bedroom is. And so that's what relationship values are. It's a book called Relationship Magic.

Speaker C [01:20:37]:

It's at my relationship magic dot com. You can buy it on Amazon, but frankly, it's $27 there and it's only 995@myrelationshipmagic.com. It's a PDF workbook. So if you are feeling like, well, I wanna have all this great sex, but things are a little rocky outside the relationship. I'm not a 100% happy. Start with my relationship magic.com and I think that's that's a good place for you to go, but I think the recap is the sexual soulmate pact is gonna help you know what you want and ask for it and your partner love that you did you know like the rub this oil on here and put this 1 on there and put the butter here. It's you know like what do you want? You want an adoration party baby? Let's get you 1, you know. So I think the sexual soulmate patch is very important and then I think also just like okay.

Speaker C [01:21:27]:

What's the next step for me in my sex life? I am 1 of those 15%, which I call sexual seekers. I'm a sexual seeker. I wanna be 96 and have an orgasms till the day I die like Susan Bratton and Frey and so your next step would be the sex life bucket list and I think that's you know just a good next step for you and when you if you if you do go download any of those things, you'll get my email newsletter. I spend about 30 hours a week working on those fucking things. I pour my heart and soul into them. And I'm constantly giving you new things. 5 days a week, you get an email from me with 1 really good sex tip and a bunch of interesting things. And when you do, if you have a question for me, just hit reply.

Speaker C [01:22:22]:

I literally get it myself. I have a customer care team. I've got a team of oh close to 20 people in my company. I'm I've been doing this for decades but I get the replies to the emails and so if there's you can ask me, it doesn't matter what email you get you just reply and ask me anything. It's what has made me good over all these years of understanding all of the things everyone is dealing with and what I can tell you is the next step to help you. So I'm happy to send you you know to various things I've done so you can and can access Them so I'm here for you for that as well and I love hearing from all of my fans and followers and it is my joy to be in service to you And I hope that something that I've said today has has helped you. And Freya, I have really enjoyed our conversation. You are charming, intelligent, worldly, wise, beautiful, kind.

Speaker C [01:23:23]:

I've I've had a really nice time with you and I'm glad to develop a friendship with you. And I hope that we'll have many more chances to work together in various ways, and I'd love to keep you close. So thank you so much for having

Speaker A [01:23:37]:

me. Last, there's my little adoration, Shower. Thank you. You're so welcome. Beautiful. Well, it's been such a pleasure to chat. I love how celestial you look with that sunlight just beaming down on your blonde hair right now. I'm just like, wow.

Speaker A [01:23:56]:

Far out. Yeah. Awesome. I'll pop all your links in the show notes, and, and that's it. That's a wrap. Thanks for sticking with us for a long 1, everyone. And that's it, darling hearts. Thanks for stopping by the labia lounge.

Speaker A [01:24:11]:

Your bum groove in the couch will be right where you left it, just waiting for you to sink back in for some more double l action next time. If you'd be a dear and subscribe, share this episode or leave a review on Itunes, then you can pat yourself on the snatch because that's a downright act of sex positive feminist activism and you'd be supporting my vision to educate, empower, demystify and destigmatize with this here podcast. I'm also always open to feedback, topic ideas that you'd love to hear covered, questions or guest suggestions, so feel free to get in touch via my website or over on Insta. You can also send me in TMI stories to be shared anonymously on the pod. My handle is freyagraf_thelabialounge. If my account hasn't been deleted for being too sex positive, which, you know, is always a possibility with censorship, but just in case the chronic censorship finally does obliterate my social channels, I'd highly recommend going and joining my mailing list and snagging yourself some fun freebies for the trouble atwww.freaghraft.com/freebies. Anyway, later labial legends. See you next time.