I Went To My First Sex Party

Freya Graf:

This program is brought to you by Pussy Magnets.

Freya Graf:

Welcome. Welcome, my lovely lumps, or should I say lovely labs? I'm so thrilled to have you here in the Labia Lounge. We're gonna yarn about all things sexuality, womanhood, relationships, intimacy, holistic health, and everything in between. Your legs. Oh. Can't help myself. Anyway, we're gonna have Vagelords of real chats with real people about real shit. So buckle up, you're about to receive the sex ed that you never had and have a bloody good laugh while you're at it.

Freya Graf:

Before we dive in, I'd like to respectfully acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which I'm recording this, the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. It's an absolute privilege to be living and creating dope podcast content in Naam and I pay respect to their elders past, present, and emerging. Now, if you're all ready, let's flap and do this. Oh my god. Is there such thing as too many vagina jokes in the one intro? Whatever. It's my podcast. I'm leaving it in. Access my new mini course for free before I start charging for it in future.

Freya Graf:

It's for people with vulvas and it's quick to complete. It's all about demystifying the female body and pleasure anatomy and getting some basic fundamentals to understand your body better. It's called Pussy Pleasure Secrets, Your Roadmap to Bedroom Bliss. You can grab it on the freebies page of my website or in the show notes. It's a great little free resource to kind of dip your toe in or act as a bit of a taster for my work. So if you've ever been curious about this sort of thing and you just don't know where to start or you want a really quick, easy, accessible, non threatening way to get the ball rolling and start working on this stuff, this is a great place to start. Cool hat. You look like

Freya Graf:

a chimpela.

Freya Graf:

I look like a what? A fortune teller.

Hannah:

Totally. Oh my god. That is totally what it reminds me of. I couldn't I couldn't work out what it reminded me of, but that's definitely one of

Freya Graf:

the Full length white girl psychic. Damn, dude. Serving charlatan. Charney charlatan.

Hannah:

Tim, maybe I'm getting into cultural appropriation territory on Romanians. Hopefully not. I'm gonna have to reset that honestly. Every time I make something, I'm like, okay, this looks sick, but what am I doing right now as a white person? That's so funny.

Freya Graf:

Like, I'm having those for you. Oh my god. Have you just, like, crocheted one of the chieftain, like, feather, native American headdresses?

Hannah:

Dude, dude, I'm so worried that I'm accidentally gonna do that, you know? I

Freya Graf:

haven't. Yeah. No. I agree.

Hannah:

Okay.

Freya Graf:

Look cool though.

Hannah:

Thanks. Thanks. If it's appropriation, I guess it's just gonna be relegated to this podcast and hopefully people don't come at me for it. Now, let's have a chat.

Freya Graf:

Let's do

Hannah:

it. Let's do it. Are you gonna do an, your usual intro? Or do you

Freya Graf:

Or do you want me

Freya Graf:

to do you want me to do your intro? Well, I was just thinking I could put it in after once I figure out what this episode might be titled or that, you know, like but you're welcome to do an intro. Go on. Do it. Hey, lady of legends. Hannah here.

Hannah:

Hey, labia legends. Hannah here. I am taking over the podcast today to interview Freya because something crazy happened over the weekend. I got a message from Freya, and the first thing that I said in response was, no, let's not talk about it. We are gonna debrief on a podcast because Freya went to a sex party. Freya, your little very, very knowledgeable and empowered yet vanilla queen has somehow decided to take her ass to a kink based sex party. And she's done it for science. She's done it for the lounge.

Hannah:

She did it out of curiosity. She did it to, push the edges and see what she was gonna find. So, Freya, today, I am going to talk to you about this party, and I would love to get the dish. Now let's just say right at the top, we're not here to yuck anyone's yums. If you wanna go to a sex party, that's awesome. But we are here for the average man, the average woman, the average person who has not walked into a sex party before and who has a lot of questions and a lot of maybe assumptions that are based on what we've seen in movies or what we've heard from, you know, the dingy alleyways of Craigslist. And we wanna know what it was like. Alright.

Hannah:

Are you ready?

Freya Graf:

My god. You're such a hype queen. I feel like you're a radio host. Nailing it. Oh, yeah. We're ready.

Hannah:

Okay. Have

Freya Graf:

fun with it, babe. I'm having fun with it. I'm in bed. This is great.

Hannah:

Yeah, dude. I'm in bed too.

Freya Graf:

I'm just being a pillow princess and letting you take over. It's so good.

Hannah:

Amazing. Good. Be a pillow princess. Do it. Now I wanna ask, are we allowed to say, like, where it was or, like, are we allowed to say, like, you know, are we allowed to say anything about it? Because what I would love to hear is the description of the event that you read, and it was like your first impression of the event. It was my first impression for the event. I'd love to start with that so that the listeners can hear what that description sounds like, form their own first impression, and then see if they're what they're thinking about. Oh,

Freya Graf:

good idea.

Freya Graf:

Well, do you have this description in front of you or, like, do I

Freya Graf:

have to get that up? No. No. No. I can get that up. But, like, in

Hannah:

front of you or, like, do I have to get that up? No. No. No. I can get that up. But, like, let's just let's just take 10 seconds while I search for that. And also I wanted to ask, am I allowed to am I allowed to read it out? Like, am I gonna

Freya Graf:

Yeah. Yeah. So I reckon we totally can name it and whatever because, really, I'm not saying anything disparaging. Like like No. Because, like, I mean,

Hannah:

I had Your experience was, like, really positive. It was great.

Freya Graf:

It was to be interesting.

Hannah:

That sounds okay.

Freya Graf:

So Yeah. Yeah. Lots lots of lots of really positive feedback from, like, the veterans that this was, like, one of the sex parties I've been to in the last 10 years in Melbourne. You know? So, like, I'd happily promote that and,

Hannah:

Yeah. Exactly. If you're running sex parties, this is gonna be some good PR by the sound of things.

Freya Graf:

So Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Hannah:

Cool. So let me read it. It's called oh, actually, I have no idea how to pronounce

Freya Graf:

I can't pronounce that. Okay. Also, don't worry about that bit because that that's, that was the name of the kink dungeon that my friend was running inside the larger event which is called Virtue and Vice. So I think Virtue and Vice run the sex parties, and then they've just started trialing putting a kink dungeon in there that is run by a different crew.

Hannah:

I gotcha. So we've got virtue and vice, and we've got Senn Sukhte, which sounds German. That's maybe the Kingdungeon. Maybe I, totally killed that pronunciation or maybe I just

Freya Graf:

It sounded pretty cool.

Hannah:

I don't But it sounded pretty cool, and I'm gonna go with it. So this is the event. We're gonna get Freya's first big dish about it. Here's the description. Step inside the gothic church of Saint Sut where all is encouraged and forgiven. Come and atone for your sins or commit some new ones. Enter and confess your transgressions to our priestesses and priests. Leave unburdened with a clean conscience, but maybe a few bruises.

Hannah:

Dance with the devil to sermons of Mad Angel, Domino, big fucking robots, and ZapTig. Members of the clergy will be standing by to assist you in any means necessary to help you see the light. Virtue and vice has proven itself to be a breath of fresh air in the Melbourne play party scene, an ambitious undertaking to fill the striking Melbourne Pavilion with all manner of bedroom antics. The V and V crew have a host of parties under their belt and are ready to throw their biggest party yet. Beyond the plush surrounds of the main dance floor, the team behind V and V's kinky corners, Sensoot, is ready to provide some something darker for those who choose to seek it out. Sensught is a space to indulge in the shadowy facets of pleasure, a party within a party where fetishists and kingsters may seek to enact their driving desires. Dude, I just love this language. It's so intense.

Hannah:

Where the walls are clad with restraints and the music commands your movements, SENSUGHT's unique amalgamation of art, technology, and kink will be sure to delight and at times gleefully shock the senses of those who keenly join us. For the curious but uninitiated, our service tops are available to guide you in caring with caring but firm hands. Whilst those who know the path will find equipment and toys to delight both novice and seasoned players, and a special treat awaits those with more exhibitionistic hearts. Dungeon monitors and consent angels will be at hand to answer questions and address any concerns. As this is a BDSM party within a larger SOP event, a dress code is strictly enforced. Elaborate kink fetish wear is not necessary, but street clothes in, for example, jeans, shorts, and t shirts are not considered acceptable. Erotic costumes, lingerie, your favorite pair of fancy underwear, or even your birthday suit are all considered acceptable. Please feel free to DM us if more clarification is required.

Hannah:

Consent. Consent is paramount at virtue and vice and. No matter, no means no, and consent should always be enthusiastically and given and freely given before any play commences. Consent is not infinite and can be revoked at any time by any involved party. Clothing is not an indication of a person's consent. When viewing any time of type of scene or play, be aware of what kind of energy you are contributing. Watching from afar with curiosity is okay, but leering unblinkingly is not. Do not interrupt a play scene and always be sure to seek consent from all concerned parties before entering a scene.

Hannah:

If at any time someone is making you feel uncomfortable, please seek out or flag down one of our consent angels or dungeon monitors. Beyond the basic elements of consent, there are some extra principles to in consider when engaging in kink play. These are briefly highlighted below and can further be researched with a simple Google search. If you're unfamiliar with consent models used in kink BDSM, we highly encourage you to inform yourself before attending SENSUCH. And then there's some terms there to look up. There's SSC, which is safe saying consensual. There's PRIC, which is personal responsibility, inform, consent consensual kink. And there's RAC, which is risk aware consensual kink.

Hannah:

While we seek to foster an inclusive atmosphere, we hold a zero tolerance approach to bad behavior, consent breaches, and such transgressions will result in eviction from the venue. Wow. Okay. When I suggested we read that out, I did not remember how how long that was.

Freya Graf:

But you know what? Exactly. I was like, is she gonna read all of it? But, you know, it is good. It's good. It is good.

Hannah:

It is good. And the thing is, like, part of the reason I wanted to read that out because I because over half of that was about consent, which I found really interesting because I know that that's something that we always hear that the kink and the BDSM scene do really well is they do consent really well because they do things that push the boundary of what's generally larger in play. And this is one thing I'd love to talk to you about today to see if, like, that was what you found when you went there. But just starting off, let's let's rewind a little bit. How did you hear about this event and why did you go as the, resident vanilla queen? Where do you go to that sex party?

Freya Graf:

Totally. I love how much you loved that, that event description. But, yeah, I agree. It's like it's really important how a space is set up, and I think they did a great job of that. So and it and it gives so much context to, like, oh, okay. Like, you know, I'd never been to a sex on premises party and seeing how people kinda held it and set up a space. But, yeah, basically, a, a friend puts on the kink component of these events and is involved in that scene. I don't know him so well, so I don't know, like, shit all about him actually or, like, what he does other than this.

Freya Graf:

But he just, you know, he'd he'd sort of heard of the labia lounge through friends and said, hey. Do you reckon, like, setting up the live labia lounge at this, like, sex party would be a vibe? Like, if if, you know, you wanna come come along to 1 and check it out and, like, kind of, you know, just have a sauce, then we can go from there and, like, chat about whether it would be, yeah, suited to setting the labia lounge up and doing, like, a sex party edition, which obviously I was absolutely tickled at the idea. And I was like, fuck. That would be dope. And, you know, but then also just being like, oh my god. I really don't wanna go to this thing. Like, I've never had any interest in kink or BDSM or wanting to go go to something like that. I mean, like, such a my, like, where I'm at in my personal life and the energy I have, the self esteem, like, my, social capacity, it's so low.

Freya Graf:

So I was like, am I really gonna go to a sex party alone and just do this thing? But I was like, you know what? Yeah. I fucking I am because what a great opportunity. Yes. Totally. And and I wanna do a lady lunch there. And I was like, okay. I just have to literally treat this like work and research because, you know, there's multiple reasons why I could benefit from going. I'm like, it's it's, you know, I'm due for a little interesting experience that's kind of outside of my comfort zone and that's gonna be new because it's hard to find, like, novelty.

Freya Graf:

Like, I've been to so many workshops and different things. Like, nothing much really shocks me anymore. So I'm kinda like, it's been a while since I've pushed my edge, I should do that. Also, as like a sex educator and a sex coach, it's like I know a lot, you know, more than the average person about, like, open relating kink, BDSM, sex parties and stuff, but only theoretical. I was like, I like, not experientially. Like, I only know, like, what I've learned from talking to people and reading and researching. I haven't actually experienced all that much in that space of, like, going and putting myself in the environment and and dabbling, dipping my toe in. So I was like, okay.

Freya Graf:

It's gonna make me a better, like, sex coach. This is this is my professional duty Yeah. To do this so that I can serve my clients best if they're into kink, or swinging. You know? Yeah. Yeah. And then yeah. So I was just like, oh, man. Alright.

Freya Graf:

I I I've gotta go. I'm just gonna do it. I don't feel like it. It was so hard to drag myself out of the house. I literally didn't have anything to wear because I was like, oh, the dress code. Like, you gotta be, like, kinky and gothic, and I don't I literally do not own lingerie. Yeah. I had nothing to wear and

Hannah:

And this is the one of the things I would love for you to describe. Tell tell us about your epic because it was awesome. It was just like the best representation of what you've just said. Like, tell us about it.

Freya Graf:

Oh my god. Okay. Well, it turns out I actually totally had something I could have worn that would have been in theme. I still have, like, an old dominatrix outfit that I bought used back when I tried my hand at that for, like, a couple of sessions, which I have discussed on this podcast before. It was a huge fail. I hated it. But I still have this, like, black kinda, like, leotard y thing with, like, lace and whatever, and I had these, like, leather fingerless gloves. I actually had heaps of shit I could've worn, but fucking uncomfortable.

Freya Graf:

I I put it on, and I was like, no. It feels like walking thrush. I'm not doing this to my body. Oh, really? I'm going to this bloody thing. They can handle me in something a bit comfier than this. Not down to sign up for a fucking wedgie and a camel toe all bloody night. So

Hannah:

Prayer to expand. No leather on flaps.

Freya Graf:

No. No. No. I'm all about comfort, baby. So I I just put on, like, my labia lounge bathers. It's like a 1 piece leotard. Just literally like bathers with labia lounge cover art all over it. And I had my labia lounge fanny pack, which is hot pink.

Freya Graf:

I had, like, a leopard print really kind of went over my it was a layer. It was a layer. And and I had socks and slides. Like, I had just some, like, plastic leopard print slides with my sports socks.

Hannah:

Yeah. You looked, you looked amazing, but I think you were just, like, the best, like, version of you and the best Freya, the lady who goes to a sex party ever. Because, like, you looked like a single babe, but, like, you're not gonna get leather in your flaps. Like, you represented the brand in beautiful big bright colors. I love

Freya Graf:

it. They're lucky I dressed up at all, honestly. So I was like, well, I put on dark lipstick and, you know, heavy eye makeup.

Hannah:

That's the dark lipstick was for you. You don't do that too often.

Freya Graf:

Very good. I mean, it was a little bit, of a silly choice in terms of, like, you know, you can't really kiss anyone if you've got if you've committed to the dark lippy vibe. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, I wasn't really open to kissing anyone when I was there anyway. So

Freya Graf:

I was

Freya Graf:

kinda like, you know what? Dark cliffy, perfect deterrent. Yeah. Yeah. But it was funny because I think I think, like, you So on the way there, I I, like, park my van. And on my walk in, I sent you a little, like, video because I was like, this is so funny. I literally just, like, realized that, you know, it's freezing and I've gotta walk down the street to get into the building and I'm in a leotard. And so I was like, well, I don't have a trench coat. Like, I'm I guess I'm just gonna put my, like, hot pink champion trackies over the leotard, chuck on my hoodie, and roll in like that.

Freya Graf:

And then you take off your layers when you get there. But it was just so funny because I was, like, sitting in the car. Was like, oh, man. I'm hungry. This is usually, like, my bedtime. My housemate had packed me some snacks from, like she's got a 3 year old. And I was like, I hope they have do you think they have, like, sex snacks there? Because, like, people need calories if they're gonna be banging or not. Like, will will they have some, like, hot cacao available or something? Like, I'm fucking hungry already.

Freya Graf:

And she was like, dude, take some sex snacks. Like, here, have some, like, lunchbox snacks, like, little chocolate covered rice cakes and shit that, like, she buys with her daughter. And so I just smashed all the snacks in the car, rolled in. It was a very funny aesthetic. I was like I was finding it all very entertaining, until I walked in, and I was like, oh, fucking hell. I'm not in Kansas anymore. I actually don't even know what to do because there's a whole protocol. And, like, you know, you gotta cloak all your shit.

Freya Graf:

They give you a garbage bag to dump all your, like, layers and clothes in so that you can get into the lingerie and the theme and stuff. So there's a massive line at the cloak. I couldn't be bothered. I went to the toilets and just took off my layers

Freya Graf:

Yeah.

Freya Graf:

And carried them around. Anyway, sorry. I just love

Hannah:

this hang on. Can we pause for a second? Like, I just love this, like, kind of like when you go to a spa. You know, you go in, but in a spot, you might leave them in, like, a fancy rose scented locker. I love that it's like garbage bags. We're in the

Freya Graf:

middle of the night. Kitchen hole? I know.

Hannah:

That's so cool.

Freya Graf:

I know. I love that too. I was like, that's fucking funny. Because there's hundreds of people. So this was like a really big one. I don't think that they're this large that often. This was, like, a huge venue. There was hundreds of people.

Hannah:

How, like, how many people were you talking? Like, how how, like, just try and get us the feeling of how many people there were.

Freya Graf:

Oh, god. Well, it's the Melbourne Pavilion. So it's a pretty big, like, venue and there's multiple spaces. So there's everyone's in different there's probably, like, 4 or 5 different places they could be.

Hannah:

And how big are these rooms? Like, what kind of rooms are they? All different sizes. Or like

Freya Graf:

a Yeah. A couple of them had stages. Yep. One of them had a dance couple of them had a dance floor. I don't know. Maybe, like, 500 people.

Hannah:

Cool. Okay. Maybe

Freya Graf:

less? I have no idea.

Hannah:

So what else is the space like? Is there a bar? Is there, like, any, like, food or is there, you know, like Yeah.

Freya Graf:

There's no food.

Hannah:

Okay.

Freya Graf:

No snacks, which I feel like ridiculous. There should have been some fucking protein bars, like, next to the condoms and lube, honestly, which was yeah. But there's a bar, and, I think they have fights there normally at this venue. Hey, baby babes. Sorry to interrupt. I just had to pop my head into the lounge here and mention another virtual lounge that I'd love you to get around. It's the Labia Lounge Facebook group that I've created for listeners of the potty to mingle in. There you'll find extra bits and bobs like freebies, behind the scenes, or discounts for offerings from guests who have been interviewed on the podcast.

Freya Graf:

They'll also be, hopefully, inspiring, thought provoking conversations, and support from a community of labial legends like yourself. My vision for this is that it becomes a really supportive, educational, and hilarious resource for you to have more access to me and a safe space to ask questions you can't ask anywhere else. So head over to the links in the show notes or look up the Labia Lounge group in Facebook, and I'll see you in there. And now back to the episode. Yeah. So anyway but it was it was crazy. Like, I guess there's all this stuff that I I'd never thought about the the, like, logistics or the ins and outs of, like, what they would need to kind of provide or set up at a sex party. But it was like it all made so much sense, but it was so interesting to kind of, like, wander around and then be like, oh, as you enter this space, which has got, like, places for people to fuck, there's, like, a kind of long table with no shit, like, 10 to 12 different kinds of condoms.

Freya Graf:

Like, every size you can imagine, different brands. A litre pump bottle of lu.

Hannah:

Dude. No way.

Freya Graf:

Dude, good. I was like, oh my god. True. And that's where they should have had a snack, obviously. And, like, I don't know, some chewing gum or something.

Hannah:

Dude, totally.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. I was like, oh my god. I gotta get motion lotion in here ASAP. Like Oh my god.

Hannah:

I need to leave

Freya Graf:

a pump bottle leave a pump bottle for sex parties or, like, sample sachets, and we can start, like, disseminating our lube everywhere in the sex scene. Percent.

Freya Graf:

Yeah.

Hannah:

I'm wondering, is your mood lighting? Because surely, you know, you don't want, like, full on hectic, sort of, like, fluorescent overhead lights. Or do you? Like, I'm like, hang on a second, man. I'm in the grocery room where the lighting's really bad. So everyone's just at their most, like, stripped back. You don't even have, like, the glory of soft lighting falling on your skin, which obviously is probably a king for someone. But, I'm imagining soft mode lighting. What was it like?

Freya Graf:

Totally. Like, they're not amateurs, you know. Like, the lighting was, like, adequately dim, and there was different I mean, the like, it was very it wasn't that dim. Like, it was very, like, the King Dungeon was the darkest probably, and then Yeah. One of these, like, areas with a big dome.

Hannah:

Were there, like, areas that were, like, you know, like red red like neons? Like, I'm imagining, like, the kinky what's it called? Like a

Freya Graf:

Nah. I dude, I honestly can't fucking remember. I wasn't paying that much attention. It was like, you know, they would have had with the stage, they would have had a lighting set up with multiple different colored lights that kinda changed. You know, there was cab burlesque shows on stage at different times. The lighting would've, you know, they would've had a lighting guy in the main bit. And then the other areas, yeah, it was kind of dim and some of them some areas have lots of those, like, fake candles. Yeah.

Freya Graf:

So, like, twilight vibes. Yeah.

Hannah:

Yeah. High production, sexy dungeon with everything that you've got on one big table, everything you could need except protein bars. So you're ready. You walk in. Were you meeting anyone in there? What was the vibe? Or were you did you just how did it start? Did you explore around or what did you do first?

Freya Graf:

Well, I wrote in and was like, I don't know how to engage with this. It feels very abrupt to have walked in from the outside and all of a sudden now I'm in here. So and I was like, oh, I've got my, I mean, okay. So like full disclosure, it felt so abrupt and jarring and kinda like

Freya Graf:

Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Out of my comfort zone because I smoked a doobie in the car right before I went in. Right. You would have walked in

Hannah:

there and gone, what the fuck? Yeah.

Freya Graf:

I know. I know. I don't know why, like, sometimes I don't know why I think that's a good idea. I mean, sometimes it totally is and it helps. It gives me a bit of social juice and more chatty, and, most of the time, it's helpful. But, yeah, in this case, I was like, oh, that was a really funny choice, Freya, because now you're really discombobulated and fucking stoned, in this really hectic environment. I mean, it was absolutely fine. I just it was more that I didn't know, the protocol.

Freya Graf:

So there was queues for the cloakroom. There was queues to get in. I was kind of, you know, just like, oh, okay. Like, do I wait in line and cloak all my shit? Is that what that's that that's happening over there? Or, like, do I just go in? Am I allowed to just

Freya Graf:

walk in

Freya Graf:

like this? Like, you got my layers on still? Like new

Hannah:

space, like, not knowing what the Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. And I didn't know the layout.

Hannah:

But yeah. The layout. And also just, like, because you're not, like, a sex party goer, you don't know what, like, the sort of, like Etiquette. Etiquette are. Yeah. You don't know sort of, like, you know

Freya Graf:

Well, that's it. I was like, I just didn't know if, Like, even wanna, like, do a faux pas without realizing, you know. I was like, I don't know how to and there wasn't a whole lot of, like I mean, I guess, usually, people have already been to 1 before or they're coming with someone. I went alone and I'd never been to 1 before. So there wasn't really anyone telling me, like, okay. So are you new here? Cool. You come over here and you can cloak your stuff, and then this is how this works, and then there's a wristband system. So, like, no one explained that to me, and I just rolled in.

Freya Graf:

I was like, I'm gonna go to the toilets immediately, find where they are. Yeah. Took off my layers, took a couple of deep breaths. As soon as I walked in, I was like I walked into the women's toilets, and I walked in and there's, there's, like, a guy, like, an older kind of man and a couple of women. One's got a strap on on, and I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. Okay. I am at a sex party.

Freya Graf:

Like, straight up. Like, it's and and, you know, a a very open and I don't know if it's it's all sex parties are like this or I don't know. But, like, the fact that, like, the toilets, no one was, like, the the gendered toilets weren't being followed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, sweet. Okay.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. Like, I fully forgot, like like

Freya Graf:

Yeah.

Freya Graf:

What I guess I haven't really been in many spaces like that where there's if there's just no shame. Everyone's free to do you know, they kinda just doing what they wanna do and not worrying about, like, fucking gendered toilets. Like,

Hannah:

like, I think that's like that's like a that's interesting because that's a, you know, form of social etiquette or like a custom that we've all agreed on as a society that's not really Yeah. Sexual. But that even just having like the sort of the responsibility of that or the shackle of that at a sex party, it's like something that people are eager to cast off. Like, I find that really interesting because that kind of it kind of fits in with the whole theme of, you know, like, no shame, like, just kind of like, that's interesting because there there's really no Yeah. Let's be No. Totally. Although, like and

Freya Graf:

I mean, I don't know. Like, I only saw a guy in there once over the whole night. So maybe that was just an outlier or maybe and, like, I didn't go into the men's toilets because I'm just so in the habit of just, like, wandering into the fucking little person with the dress on it. But, like, yeah, that was, like, the first thing I noticed where I was, like, that is one indicator that I'm at a sex party as opposed to just at a club. Yeah. Yeah. Because it wasn't super, like yeah. It was just like, wow.

Freya Graf:

My conditioning is so ingrained that, like, I noticed that straight away. And I was like, oh. Oh, yeah. Of course. Oh. Like, you know, and then just a few things like that, I started noticing that my brain would really, like, pick out, which was just like, which just kind of showed me, like, oh, yes. You are at a sex party in this different there there aren't those social constructs or confines. And I really loved, like, noticing those things because I'm very rarely in an environment where that's the case.

Freya Graf:

You know?

Hannah:

Of course. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Like, that in itself would be, like, a huge thing to try to acclimatize to. Like, a space where where that's all sort of, like, cast aside. It's like when

Freya Graf:

you go to another country and you can't help but notice, like, the different way that they do, like, really little things and it's, like, so arbitrary, like, the things that you notice. But you just notice them when you're in a different place and you're like, oh, we do that differently in Australia or like, oh, it was like

Hannah:

that. Yeah. And I guess the sort of theme of you being, like, new there. Like, here's everyone. They all kinda seem to know what to do. They're all having sex in the bathroom or, like, whatever. Like, I don't know.

Freya Graf:

No. No. No. There was no having sex in the bathroom. I feel like there's still some etiquette around that. Maybe. I don't know.

Hannah:

Okay. Maybe maybe they weren't having

Freya Graf:

Maybe not. Who fucking knows? The and that that's the that's another thing I would like to say. I am no like, I might be describing something that's not aligned with your experience or knowledge, but, like, this is my absolute first and only sex party I've been to. So I'm not an expert, obviously. No.

Hannah:

No. No. You're not I mean, you're not an expert, but you've been to a sex party, which is more than I've been to. One thing that I did wanna just slot in here was just this funny joke that we had about you being, like, the ultimate sort of, like, temptation for, like, people in this case.

Freya Graf:

We

Hannah:

have this, like, young sort of, like, hot woman, but she's never oh, she's really vanilla. Like, I don't really go for that kind of stuff. And she's there in her little cute, like, labia lounge outfit. Like, that, to me, if if you are, like I'm putting myself inside the mind of, like, someone who wants to, taste some forbidden fruit and corrupt some young maidens. I feel like You're

Freya Graf:

basically a virgin. You I know.

Freya Graf:

You you are. You are basically a virgin. And so the other thing that

Hannah:

I the thing that I wanted to talk about this related to this, which is a little bit more serious, is I feel like when people think of sex parties, they imagine probably like lots of old creepy white dudes. I would love to hear more about, like, what the demographic was like and how you felt like navigating that space because you are, like, you know, like a young, like, quote, unquote vulnerable. I'm not gonna say that you're vulnerable, but I'm saying usually a young woman does not go and put herself in situation that could potentially be dangerous. So the idea that you went and did that is really cool because it says that this image that we might have in our minds of like all these old creepy men kinda like taking advantage of all these, like, young people who are, like, super naive and they don't know what's going on. Is that the vibe? Is it full of old creepy men? What did you feel safe in there? Did that consent that whole second half of the event description? Did that kind of consent message that they pushed kind of come through? Like, was the atmosphere safe and from that kind of point of view, like, welcoming or tell us about it.

Freya Graf:

I feel like that I feel like that trope of, like, the old creepy man at sex parties and stuff is, like, really outdated. I don't think that a lot of that goes on anymore from I mean, I don't know from experience, but they're, like, talking to people, like, most and, you know, I've had quite a few friends over the years that have gone to different sorts of play parties. And it sounds like most of them these days, there's a bit of a rule that, like, if you're a man, you have to either be part of a couple or you have to have a friend who's a femme bringing you. And I know that some of the sex parties like an old house man of mine used to go to, like, they were, like, private ones rather than, like, a big thing like this. Yeah. The the the tickets for the men were, like, a $150 and the tickets for the women were, like, $30 or whatever. Because, obviously, like, they didn't wanna encourage just to keep a single man rolling in and then, yeah, ruining the vibe or the numbers being skewed or whatever. So I think, like, nowadays, they're pretty, like, onto it and you generally have to know someone or have an in, if you're a single man.

Freya Graf:

And so for the most part, it did seem like there were there was there's a community, you know, within the scene where, like, people probably go to, you know, like, mixes and stuff and meet in a nonsexual setting and they they form some rapport and they kinda know each other around the traps and from different events or parties. And so there's a bit of a community and some familiarity. And then also people, you know, come with partners or, friends or whatever. So it didn't seem like there was a lot of just random single people, like, looking to pull. And it was a very like, it was pretty varied to the demographic, but, like, I would say, you know, majority between, like,

Freya Graf:

2545.

Freya Graf:

There wasn't really that many older people. There was lots of young people. Lots lots and lots of just, like, young hot people. And yeah. I mean, but I think like this so I I was speaking to a couple who've been going to different sex parties for, like, 10 years, and they were kinda saying, like, this is, you know, this is one of the best ones they've ever been to. This crew really, like, obviously, are quite across it with with regards to the consent stuff and the setting up the space and holding that space and taking that very seriously because you can really feel the difference. They were like, you know, this crowd is just so like, it's so friendly. It's so welcoming.

Freya Graf:

It's so, like, consensual. It's very safe. And there had been parties that they've been to in the past where, you know, it wouldn't be out of the question to be, like, having sex with your partner there and some old guy come and, like, jizz on your back. You know? Like, so, like, I think that that has been definitely a thing, part of the scene, but the events like this are, like, quite curated and and specific about. And some other ones, like, there's, there's communities that you can join with, like, a vetting process where you have to do an interview on Zoom. And, like, you know, once you're let into that community, then they hold events, mixes, and play parties for the people that are part of it, and there's a bit of gatekeeping for that exact reason. So Yeah.

Hannah:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. Okay. Well, that's that's, I guess, a really good thing to hear.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. And there was like I have another question.

Hannah:

I have another question for you about this. I'm also curious to know what was the racial sort of, like, cross section? Was it mostly white people? Or do you feel like that it was sort of representative of, you know, the population? Because one thing and I mean, like, this is just an example. But one thing that you do notice is, like, in a lot of these sort of alternative scenes, like, I can say I'm just a yoga teacher, but one sort of problem in the yoga scene is that it doesn't really attract often a lot of diversity and it also, like, almost never attracts First Nations people, which I think is makes a lot of sense because they have a lot of their own sort of traditions to hold on to. But it does make me wonder if some of these more, you know, niche scenes do exclude people on the basis of things that, like, don't really matter. Not creepiness, but maybe, like, you know, they're not as racially friendly. Or did you feel like that wasn't the case? It's just a question.

Freya Graf:

Fuck no, dude. I've only been to 1. Like and I think that the and I I highly doubt that'd be I mean, I don't know. I'm not qualified to answer that question in any shape or form. At at this particular event, there was, like, mostly white people, but there is mostly white people in Australia. Like, it was, you know, it wasn't a big enough crowd that I was like, wow, this is overwhelmingly white for how many people there are. Yeah. There was, like, definitely other other, ethnicities, but it's probably a similar ratio to, like, if you walked down the street.

Freya Graf:

You

Hannah:

know? Okay. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. No. I'm not.

Freya Graf:

It was very, like, seemed very accepting accepting and nonjudgmental and, like, body positive and obviously, sex positive. And I think, like, what it is is, like

Hannah:

It's, like, was it just when you say, like, you know, a lot of young hot people, are we thinking, like, the media stock standard of what they tell us a naked body looks like, or was there a range of, like, different kinds of bodies and different kinds of people and

Freya Graf:

No. Absolute range. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. It was it was a total range. I think, generally, like, all of those things that often communities or, kind of a culture of an event or whatever get categorized in, like, don't don't apply because this is such a niche and to most people, kind of an extreme hobby.

Freya Graf:

And so the people that do it are like, we don't give a fuck if you're like this or that or what you like. If you're into this, then we have this really unique and often, like, taboo, shamed, judged, like, thing in common. And, like, that in itself means that you're part of this, like, you know, like, it's a little bit, like, little bit, like, any kind of, like, cult. And I don't use that in, like, a negative sense. But it's like, you know, there's a culture around this and because generally people are leading a bit of a secret life, and maybe they don't tell everyone about this or they, you know, they feel as though they'd be ostracized or judged. Yeah. If people knew, it's like if if they're there with other people, they're like, fuck yeah. You're into this too.

Freya Graf:

Cool. Like, I see you. I recognize you. Like, let's just have fun. Like, Yeah. So they're quite welcoming.

Hannah:

Like a shared camaraderie without having to communicate. You already know that in one way, you're on the same level. So you kind of know.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. Unlike, you know, a friend who I bumped into there was saying that it the the feeling of the crowd and the event was kind of similar to him to his martial arts background where he would be at fights. And there was, like, this community that that gathered around the martial arts fights and that he's like, it's very similar vibe because you're kinda dealing with the shadow. Like, in real life, you can't it's not great to go and, like, bash someone up and fight them and cause pain and harm and be violent. Like, that's not acceptable. But in this particular space, it is acceptable in a particular way. And so if we're all sharing in the enjoyment of that and in the fact that, like, we see it as an art form and a skill set, like, then we've got this kind of camaraderie because, like, we're all there enjoying, like, this element of the shadow side of humanity. And he was like, it feels similar in this sense because it's like BDSM and kink and, like, sex very similarly get, yeah, kind of Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. Stigmatized, and it's a it's a bit of shadow shadow work as well.

Hannah:

Totally. And also, it's kinda it kinda because it gets stigmatized, but also sex is very vulnerable. And often, like, when people have sex, they're they're showing, like, a really true part of themselves. And I think that that's sort of similar. If you think about violence, it's like a really sort of it's like a it's similar to sex because it's this sort of, like, very base part of yourself. It's just like, it's not really governed by, like, the laws of, like, social social kind of, like, expectations. You know what I mean? Like, people have sex to sort of, like, lose themselves or to find something that they can't find in their everyday lives. So you have a bunch of people who are, like, letting their guard down even if they're not having sex enough to, like, stand in front of someone having sex.

Hannah:

Like, that's

Freya Graf:

No. And all of the kinks stuff as well. Like, that's exactly why, yeah, people enjoy that. And, yeah, it is it's totally it's vulnerable. And, yeah, it was really interesting. Though the kind of sex that was happening in, like, the communal spaces, to me, I just felt like I was in a porno because it was, like, heaps of jackhammer boning

Freya Graf:

Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Heaps of, like, in and out friction based hard and fast, like, bend over and pound someone in the butthole or, like, you know, give a glug glug fucking 1,000 or whatever. Reference to the esoteric episode. There's a 21 year old who was like, you haven't even heard of a glock glock 3,000? What the fuck? Yeah. It's like a like a really intense gobby. But, anyway, we can get it something that I just remembered that I wanted to, like, talk about on the piece of consent because I didn't wanna, forget. They had this cool wristband system, which I don't know if they do this at all parties. It's a little bit like the traffic light kind of vibe, party pot vibes, but there was, like, 6 different wristband colors and you could wear more than 1. And, like, one color was, like, I'm open to hot makeouts, and one was, like, I'm DTF and, you know, had different things that people were up for.

Freya Graf:

And so you could sort of see someone's wristbands and the color and, know whether, like, they were open to being approached Yeah. And what they were down for, you know, down to engage with that night. So I thought that was cool because I was like, oh, that's yeah.

Hannah:

Because I feel like it's really good.

Freya Graf:

Like, the wristband it said, like, the wristband does not signify consent either. It's just like you know? So they were all across it, which was really good.

Hannah:

Yeah. I feel like that is huge because I feel like that would be really important to feel like you wouldn't be able to be approached. Because the topic of consent is, like, you know, something that everyone likes to talk about because it's because it seems to be very hard to get it right. And one thing that I find interesting is that, you know, like, even the idea that you would be approached would put people under stress because I think that there are a lot of people who are used to saying yes or maybe not saying no when they, like, don't want to do something. And I think it's interesting that, like, having that extra level of, like, no, please don't even approach me because I don't wanna be put in that position where I feel like pressure or like, you know, it's unfortunate, but a lot of people feel like a real sense of fear and maybe even like a fond response, I think is, like, common

Freya Graf:

for a lot of people.

Hannah:

So it's really cool that they've just totally removed that and gone like, no. We're just gonna put something in here. We're gonna put like a bit of a framework in here and everyone's just gonna be like totally comfortable. Like, that's awesome.

Freya Graf:

I mean, I don't know though. Like, you would hope or I would at least assume that, like, the people going to these parties are, like, pretty good at communicating needs, boundaries, desires, and not all of them, of course, necessarily, but, you know, they would have had more practice than the average person. And I don't think, like, if you're prone to foreign responses and, like, and you don't wanna be fucked by a stranger, you probably, like, would not go to one of these things without maybe a partner that can look out for your boundaries as well. And I don't know. Like but it's still good to have that in place because because then it does take a bit of the guesswork out of it.

Hannah:

And And that's what I mean. It's like it's I'm not saying everyone there is, like, terrified of sex, but I'm saying it just takes away, like, any additional work. Like, everyone can just go into that space and know that they're gonna be, like, a 100% comfortable. I mean, beyond you're at a sex party and you

Freya Graf:

have to, like, look around.

Hannah:

But I mean, like, I just really like that as a consideration.

Freya Graf:

Excuse this quick interruption. I'm shamelessly seeking reviews and 5 star ratings for the potty because as I'm sure you've noticed by now, it's pretty fab. And the more people who get to hear it, the more people I can help with it. Reviews and ratings actually do make a big difference to this little independent podcaster, And it's really easy to just quickly show your support by taking that simple act of either leaving 5 stars for the show on Spotify or, even better, writing a written review and leaving 5 stars over on Apple Podcasts.

Freya Graf:

Or if

Freya Graf:

you're a real overachiever, you can do them both. That would be mad. If you're writing a review though, just be sure to use g rated words because despite the fact that this is a podcast about sexuality, words like sex can be censored and your review won't make it through the gates. Lame. Anyway, I would personally recommend doing that right now while you remember just to get on top of it and let me know you're with me on this journey. Thanks, gang. Enjoy the rest of the epi.

Hannah:

Who who did you see when you were there that you were like, oh, I know you? Because you're saying you bumped into public media. Like, who did you know?

Freya Graf:

How is how is that a question? Firstly, I'm not gonna name them on a podcast.

Hannah:

No. But my

Freya Graf:

friends This is an interesting

Hannah:

It is. It is due.

Freya Graf:

Just like acquaintances that I that I, like, don't know super well, but I know like, friends of friends and people have hung out with a little bit at parties and stuff. And it was great because they hadn't been to one before either, so we were like, oh my god. Hey. Like, how's this view? Like, what are you observing that's a really interesting experience? Because, like, we were all just newbies. I'm like, woah. This is crazy. But, you know, all also chillers, and we were just, like, sitting on a couch, like, watching 10 people have really intense sex at one point, and it was sweet. We were just like, wow.

Freya Graf:

Look at those guys over there. Oh, that chick just, like, squirted all over the floor. Like Okay. And they started fingering her, like, 2 seconds ago. Like, holy shit, you know.

Hannah:

Okay. So I wanna ask you, what was the most surprising thing you saw? Was there anything you saw that you were like, woah, what the fuck? Or was there anything that was really funny that happened? Or like, what what are some standout kind of things that you were like, didn't expect to see that tonight?

Freya Graf:

Honestly, nothing. Like, I I think it would be hard to shock me for starters, but, nothing that I can think of. Like, it was pretty standard sex party behavior exactly as I'd expected, really.

Hannah:

Exactly as you know. Yeah. That's interesting.

Freya Graf:

Well, I

Freya Graf:

was sort of thinking there'd be more hard I'd see more hardcore stuff, to be honest. Okay. At least in the BDSM sort of place. And I I mean, I wasn't yeah. I don't know. And maybe I just didn't see everything that happened over the whole night in all the different spaces. But, like, it definitely seemed like, in the in the kind of communal sex spaces. Because there's, like, private rooms you can hire out upstairs, like, for extra, so, like, I wasn't allowed in those because, like, people hire them out.

Freya Graf:

So I don't know what kind of was going on in there, but the yeah. The sex I was seeing was just very, like, porn sex. Yeah. And on that okay. Not a lot of, like, sensuality.

Hannah:

Yeah. Do you think that do you think that they could maybe take some tips from you at that sex party on how to do

Freya Graf:

it a bit better?

Hannah:

How to do it more in line with the the female arousal patterns. What do you think? Like, you just when you're looking at that, were you like, I wish I wish it wasn't like that?

Freya Graf:

Yeah. Like, totally. I was like, fuck that. I would not enjoy that sex. But the thing is, like, they probably really do. Like, they're probably super visual, you know, visual people with, like, maybe a strong sexual erotic blueprint. And maybe they've really, like, have literally, like, trained their body to enjoy this type of hard and fast pounding friction based sex because they've done a lot of it. They've watched a lot of porn that has that that turns them on because it's, like, visually, you know, sexual and arousing to them.

Freya Graf:

Like, you know, I I it didn't seem like the women weren't having a great time, and I just don't feel like if you're someone who, like, doesn't really enjoy sex or kind of do sex with your partner, like, that you're gonna be going to sex parties to have more of it in front of people, you know, like, I think it was and, you know, a lot of I'm assuming that the people that having sex in that open space, like, have a bit of ex like, exhibitionism kink about them, and so they enjoy being watched. And so to make it more watchable and hot in their mind, maybe it is that, like, you know, hard and fast doggy style or, like, really, like, like, I don't know. Like, I guess it's more so, like, you know, if you were to watch, like, a really, like, slow, sensual, lovemaking session that was, like, you know, very kind of intimate and vulnerable and connection based. And maybe it just wouldn't be as, visually arousing or or sexy to a lot of people that have, like, grown up watching porn and finding certain things a turn on. Yeah. Because, like, I mean, it's not the kind of sex that I like to have, but everyone seem to be enjoying themselves thoroughly and, you know, you're probably so fucking turned on by the fact that you're at a sex party and everyone around you is having sex and people are watching you have sex and it's, like, all very hot. And so that would be something that would like turn them on so much that then, you know, maybe that kind of hard and fast sex would feel great. I don't know.

Hannah:

Yeah. Okay. Cool. Well, I think that makes sense because I think that some people do like to do it that way, but yeah. Totally.

Freya Graf:

I guess

Hannah:

I was just wondering if it was still dominated by a little bit of that sort of, like, heteronormative male centric sexual model that we're all. And I mean, if if people have been influenced by the porn that they've been watching and this is the kind of sex they have, maybe it kinda helps in a sneaky way, but I was wondering 100%. If the patrons Oh, no. Totally.

Freya Graf:

Oh, fuck. Yeah. It was so heteronormative. It wasn't a very queer space. That was obviously a bit of, but, like, barely I barely saw any kind of queer representation, slightly more in the Kingdungeon maybe. But, yeah, in in the, like, main sort of areas, it was very heteronormative, very, like like, there was not a lot that I saw, not a lot of cunnilingus, but there was a lot of BJ's. There was lots of fucking blowjobs going on, lots of, like, dudes kinda on top or fucking women from behind. There wasn't heaps of, like, women on top or, like, getting, like, face sitting or getting eaten out or, like, you know, it was quite quite heteronormative.

Freya Graf:

It felt like you're in a porno designed for a man.

Hannah:

This exactly. Okay. Now this is what I wanted to get at. This is really interesting, a porno designed for a man. I guess most, you know, like, traditional traditional as if it's like some kind of art. Most like traditional porn is designed for men. So I think that that's really easy to kinda, like, get that mental image. So it, yeah.

Hannah:

It did still feel a little bit like that, but it felt also like a very safe and welcoming space. Yeah. Yeah. That's really interesting.

Freya Graf:

That's really cool.

Freya Graf:

I didn't get, you know, I didn't get approached or pleased on by anyone. Like, the really, the people that I met was so friendly and so down to, like, chat. And, honestly, I didn't talk to, like, that many new people. I knew, like, a handful of people there. My favorite part, I reckon, of the night and my favorite favorite people that I met. Actually, this is perfect. Shout out. They'll know who they are.

Freya Graf:

I was just about to drop a name, but I was like, hang on. Yeah. There's this, like, married couple who have have kids and have been going to play parties for, like, nearly 10 years. And the husband came up and was like, hey. Like, my my wife, like, was too shy to come up, but, like, she loves you and stuff. And then it turns out I've got chatting to both of them, and it turns out that, she listens to the podcast, and has done my course and stuff and just yeah. They were fucking legends. They seemed about my age.

Freya Graf:

And I was just, like, enamored by the I was like, fuck yeah, guys. Like, you've got kids at home. Get the babysitter. Get yourself down to Melbourne. Come to a sex party. Like and they were total g's and also really fucking interesting to talk to because they are the veterans that I'm kind of referring to. Like, they've been to so many sex parties and seen the evolution of the scene in Melbourne. Like, you know, they said way back in the day, you know, you might be at a sex party that's at someone's house while the fucking footy's on the TV.

Freya Graf:

And there's a kitty litter and scratching post, like, next to the couch where people are fucking, and it's just, like, very hench. You know? And so they were like, this is a really good quality sex party, and this is also incredibly well held in terms of consent and boundaries compared to a lot of the ones they had been to. And they're like, this is this party is filling a gap in the market that didn't exist, and we're really fucking stoked because they've been waiting for this kind of event to be available because they've been going to parties for years, and there hasn't really been anything that's, like, as well curated and held. That's like a like a large one too. You know? Like, I imagine that's exciting because it's, like, more new people and fucking genitals. You know?

Hannah:

Totally. Totally. That's interesting. It sounds like it's definitely, like, trending in the right direction. Sounds like it was really well done. I am curious to see if this will, I think, follow sort of, like, the underlying kind of cultural trend around sex because I feel like, you know, it was a while ago now that we had this whole, like, Me Too movement and we were like, maybe we should actually start treating, like, rape as, like, a real problem that we're gonna pay attention to, and like consent became a thing, and now we're thinking about that. And only now, after that foundation's been established, now we're finally like, you know, female empowerment, female pleasure. Like, there are now a lot of people like you who are designing, you know, like spaces and sex toys and services everything to kind of empower women, because they haven't been empowered.

Hannah:

And I'm wondering, I hope, wouldn't you love to see at one of these sex parties some more of the, like, female centric kind of, like, sexual modes and, like, things like that. Wouldn't you love to see that?

Freya Graf:

Pussy worship. Pussy worship for, like, an hour. Yeah. Well, totally. Of course I would. And you know, like, maybe there was and I just didn't see it. Or maybe it was, like, in one of the spaces that I didn't there wasn't, like, a convenient spot for me to lurk and watch, and it would would have been too obvious that I was just standing there staring. So I just didn't you know, like, the the spaces that I got to, like, really sit and observe for, like, a proper period of time while people were having sex, like, they had couches nearby that I could sort of sit and discreetly, like, hang out with my friends and also, like, chat with them while watching people have sex.

Freya Graf:

Whereas, like, some of the other one of the other spaces was, like, there wasn't anywhere to sit and just be a voyeur. So fuck knows. Maybe that was the more central place. I don't know. But Yeah. Definitely would love to see more lovemaking. More like not that, like, fucking can't be absolutely super loving and also super pleasurable. But, like, I would have liked to have seen, like, a broader array of, like, sexual expression.

Freya Graf:

Because, basically, everyone seemed to be going at the the same pace. Like, and and it all seemed to be, like, the women getting fucked. Like, the women were getting fucked by men. What I would have loved to have seen is, like, more 60 nines, more like guys going down on a chick, while another one's, like, kissing her like, sucking her nipples or something. Like, more, like, slow sensual sex at a different pace and with, like, lots of, like, really loving eye contact and, like, I don't know, like, you know yeah. It just it was just very, like, impact based and visually intense and horny. Yeah. Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Totally. One person that I've been chatting to about it who's had a bit of experience in that world, like, when I sort of said, oh, like, you know, like, something I noticed was the sex was, like, quite quite heteronormative and porny and, like, I think I described it as, like, basic. A bit bit basic, bit like just, you know, straight up fucking. And he he, like, really laughed at that. I was like, I totally know what you mean. Like, I completely I know that vibe. I completely agree. Like, he's like, it's less like that in the more queer spaces.

Freya Graf:

But he told me a story about how his first first sex party that he went to, I think, where he, like, he had nothing to wear. He had to, like, go, like, he fashioned a costume out of, like, a leather belt and, like, went and bought some chains from Bunnings. He said

Freya Graf:

in That

Freya Graf:

sounds amazing. Yeah. I was like, go you. That's commitment. And I don't know. I can't remember. Maybe I I can't remember if it was his first party or just a party in the early days. But he went to his party and the first thing he saw when he walked in was, like, a really, like, bearish guy fucking someone in the ass and then, like, high fiving another guy as he walked past, and it was all very, like, bro y and, like, I don't know, like, just porny and stuff.

Freya Graf:

And he, like, I can't remember exactly how he described it. It was way better than that, but he's he really set the scene. And I was like, oh my god. That's so funny. Like, he said it really put him off for, like, a solid year because, like, the the vibe in there was, like, really gross, and very much lacking, like, sensuality and I guess a bit more of a feminist approach to sexuality. So, yeah, he said that that's definitely a thing and and so yeah. Cool. I don't know.

Freya Graf:

It's just been interesting to hear people's different experiences.

Hannah:

K. So here's a question for you. What kinds of sex were people having? So you said, okay. Lots of jackhammer burning, lots of blowjobs, whatever. What but what else? Like, what did you see? Did you see whipping? Did you see, like, what did you see? Did you see, like, give masks? Did you see, like, head to toe leather? Like, what did you see?

Freya Graf:

No. So I so I guess because the play party was large and there was only one small room that was for the BDSM stuff, it wasn't a a fully kink, focused party. So outside of the dungeon, it was regular, not so kinky stuff. But, yeah, in the dungeon, there was definitely, like, lots of spank like, the main thing was spanking and, like, flagellation. So, like, impact play, like, lining there was, like, a dance floor and a stage and a couple of little, like, performances and stuff. And then lining the walls were different stations with, like, I guess, you know, across to be chained up to and different shackles or different, like, bits of furniture that you could be bent over or chained to or I don't know. I didn't really pay heaps of attention, but just classic, like, you know, BDSM dungeon vibes like you'd expect. And, you know, one of the tables had, like, the elect electric kinda shock tool that, like Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Gives you a little, like, electrical stimulation and stuff and then, I guess I don't know if people I'm assuming people brought their own, like, whips and crops and whatever, I'm assuming, and like strap ons and things like that. Then there was, like, little booths that were kind of all of the spaces were, like, semi partitioned off, but with, like, see through walls or, like, you know, lattice so that you could still see in or just, like, sort of thin bits of fabric here and there. So it was like part like, you were kind of in a booth, but you were kind of, like, still visible to the rest of the party. So it was like semi private. So I think they did a nice job of, like, creating spaces within spaces that gave you a scent like, somewhere to tuck yourself away, but then also you still got to fuck in public, basically. Yeah. Yeah. And the probably my favorite most impressive thing that I saw was, like, there was Shabari going on at a couple of little places.

Freya Graf:

And so one of it's difficult to describe, but, like, the position that this woman was tied up in had her in, like, a really extreme kind of back bend with her legs tucked up behind her and then her arms kind of tucked up in this way, and and she was upside down.

Hannah:

Yep.

Freya Graf:

And just like the guy who tied her up was standing and she was hanging, like, swinging all tied up, upside down, giving a blow job, and he was just so her mouth was around his cock, and he was just gently swinging her on the rope because she's suspended and, like, swinging her, like, on and off his dick. It's really hard to describe. I mean, it looked like like, visually, it looked fun like, so cool. It was phenomenal. I was like, oh my fucking god. Like, it's just she's at the perfect height. He's just kind of rocking her, and she's swinging back and forth on and off his dick. And she's, like, tied up in this way that her body is, like, splayed out in this crazy way.

Freya Graf:

And, anyway, it was like, woah. Okay. That's pretty cool. Yeah.

Hannah:

That is quite cool to see because, like, even, like, Chabauri when it's not people having sex, it looks cool to see people tied up in weird shapes. It looks

Freya Graf:

awesome. Totally. And like you would that. That's not very elaborate. Well, and I guess, like, the, like, you know, the the vicarious experience, like, that I was kind of feeling was like, woah. Like, she is she is completely bound and her arms and legs are completely incapacitated. She's upside down. She's, like, bent in this way.

Freya Graf:

She literally, like, has to just let her weight hang and has no control whatsoever. He's even moving her back and forth so that she can flate him. And so, like, the level of, like, total surrender.

Freya Graf:

Yeah.

Freya Graf:

And then having, like, someone, like, kinda deep throating your throat. Like, it must have been, like, like, because I'm assuming she's really into the feeling of total surrender and

Freya Graf:

Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Just it would be, like, ecstatic bliss of, like, letting yourself just be completely, I guess, moved like a puppet, but a neurotic one. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, woah. Okay. Fuck. Like because if there's anything kinky that I would probably get into that I wouldn't mind trying, it's just like the Chabari stuff because I love just like, I don't like being I'm not a sub.

Freya Graf:

I wouldn't, like, say that I like being in a submissive role, but I do like being totally surrendered and feeling, like, absolute, like, trust. And there's those someone's completely got my weight. And they're just completely moving my body and my limbs, and I get to be a floppy rag doll. And, like, that's I love that. Like, the Truly Princess vibes. So Chibari kind of appeals because I don't have to do anything. I literally just get to, like, be, and someone else takes responsibility for all my limbs and my body weight, and I just get to hang. Yeah.

Freya Graf:

So that sounds cool. I don't know if I would wanna be deep rooting someone while

Freya Graf:

I'm laying

Freya Graf:

out. I mean, you get to hang, but, yeah, I think you're you and your tiny mouse, that'd be a

Hannah:

pretty big achievement if you achieve that.

Freya Graf:

Hey. I can give blowjobs. It's just yeah. I mean, it definitely looked it didn't look like something I'd be It's

Hannah:

not intense.

Freya Graf:

I'd be stoked.

Hannah:

Sounds like you'd have to train

Freya Graf:

for

Hannah:

something like that.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She had zero gag reflex. It was just Amazing. Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. Like, it wasn't super the kink stuff was really tame. Like, there wasn't anything super, extreme or out of the ordinary that I haven't, you know, seen a lot before. So, yeah. Nothing nothing too much to report. It was just interesting, like, being around people having sex and then they would, like, look up at you while you're watching them and then, you know

Hannah:

Did you have yeah. What were those moments like? Were they intense? Was there any intensity in watching people or was it just sort of like, what what's Oh, it was

Freya Graf:

pretty what are you

Hannah:

looking at?

Freya Graf:

That's so normal. I mean, like, most people were pretty engaged in what they were doing, and they might glance up and notice you watching and you kinda smile at them. You

Hannah:

kinda smile at them what like, when you're grocery shopping and you accidentally, like, bump hands with someone reaching for a cucumber

Freya Graf:

Totally. Like, I was, like, struggling not to give people, like, a cheeky thumbs up or a wink or something. You know, I don't know what the etiquette is. I was like, I don't wanna fucking freak anyone out. And, like, yeah, luckily, I was, like, with with friends for a lot of it, so I would be sitting with them. And it wasn't like I was just sitting on my own staring at people having sex, you know, like, we were kind of chatting. But while we were chatting, our eyes were just roving over the mass of, like, naked bodies in front of us, in all different configurations. But yeah.

Hannah:

It feels like a very stimulating environment.

Freya Graf:

Oh, fuck. Yeah, dude. 100%.

Hannah:

So Yeah. Another question for you. You know how people kinda get hooked on porn because it's like, you know, it's hyper visually stimulating, very intense sex a lot of the time. Do you feel like there's a similar vibe that could happen here of, like, once you have sex like this? Like, did you get the feeling that there are people that can, like, get too deep into this scene, Or do you feel like it was just, like, fun and friendly vibes?

Freya Graf:

Well, I think that, like, that's super interesting because for me, it not being my thing and not really being, you know, not being a porn watcher or someone that has done any of this. And also, I guess, knowing what I know, like, as a sex educator about what porn does to the brain and, you know, like, how you can actually very much kind of desensitize yourself to the point where you need more and more intense stimuli to get that same level of arousal and, yeah, I was fully thinking like, oh, shit. Like, I wonder if, like, you got into this whether you would ever be able to go back to regular sex again and whether your sex life in the meantime was just kind of a bit gray and mundane and you were just hanging out for these parties. Like, I'm assuming for the most part, people obviously still enjoy sex anyway, and then these are like fun exciting sometimes food kind of events that just add a little cherry on top. But then I definitely, like, I definitely feel as though, you know, it is basically doing even just to sit there and watch that, it is doing what porn's doing to your brain. And, like, my friend that I was with who's a male, he was saying, like, wow. This is, like, in one sense kinda triggering and in one sense maybe healing in a strange way, but, like, I've got a really really big, like, big wound around porn. And this wound from watching so much porn from a young age really, really, like, impacted and tainted and stunted my sexuality in a way that I've been trying to heal for years and, like, undo the damage of watching so much porn and the kind of porn.

Freya Graf:

And so he was like, yeah, being here, it's literally like being in a like, watching a live porno. And that, yeah, that kinda got me thinking, like, yeah, 100% if you were doing this regularly then but it's like I think porn becomes such a problem because people are doing it habitually, like, every single day or regularly, and they're masturbating to it, And then that's forming the link Yep. You know, that association. And so, I don't know. Like, it definitely it definitely wouldn't surprise me if some people who frequented these places couldn't live without it and couldn't get as turned on without it. I mean, I've had a friend who has had a cuckolding fantasy, and it was just ruining, like, multiple relationships over the years because he couldn't get hard unless he was, like, somehow either think he like, fantasizing or it got to a point where he had to be actually, like, living out a cuckolding fantasy. And, obviously, a lot of, you know, women aren't into that and didn't wanna be fucked by somebody else in front of their boyfriend. So, like, he had some real real issues, like, with these relationships because he was like, fuck.

Freya Graf:

Like, I've kind of broken my brain and my dick and now my dick only responds to this very specific, very rare and intense situation of, like, somebody else fucking my girlfriend.

Freya Graf:

I think that's the

Hannah:

intensity of it. Because, like, you know, if you have kinks for, let's say, like leather and you only like to do it with your wife when she's wearing leather, that doesn't seem like that's gonna necessarily destroy your life. But if you can only have sex in one really intense extreme way or one way that you can't really get a lot of or you can't get reliably, that sounds like that's when it starts to become a problem. And I guess that's what the problem with porn is. It's like it it's it's innately disruptive to having, like, a sexual experience where you're able to connect with your partner in sort of like a neutral setting. You know?

Freya Graf:

Yeah. And I mean connect. That's, like, the key word. Hey. Like, it's so it's so like, if you have gotten to a point where you can't feel aroused and you can't come unless it's, you know, with the aid of a really intense scenario or fantasy or fetish or kink, then it is no longer about connection with your partner, is it? Like, it's absolutely, like, it's got nothing to do with connection anymore. So, like, I think, like, the inability to, like, get off on connection and intimacy with your partner without without, you know, it being in front of other people or there being some other really intense element involved, then, yeah, that that doesn't feel super natural or helpful to me. So I don't know. Like yeah.

Freya Graf:

Who knows? Like, I you'd I guess, if I set up the lady lounge and I found someone who is to talk about it, like, if I set it up there, I could start asking people, like but the thing is, like, I'd be so hesitant to ask something that might feel as though I'm yucking, they're yum. I mean, I know a lot of people how

Hannah:

has attending events like this changed your sex life? You could just ask something like that's pretty neutral.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. And I probably could just be like because for for most of them, I'd say they would they would a 100% say it's really enhanced our sex life, and it's really enhanced our relationship. But then I could probably ask, like, so are you still able to get turned on and enjoy sex without this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I could probably just ask that. Yeah. Anyway

Freya Graf:

Yeah.

Hannah:

Well, next one. Yeah. Maybe a lounge.

Freya Graf:

I will be so happy to see that set up. That would be so cool. Totally. Hey. Me again. If you'd like to support the potty and you've already given it 5 stars on whatever platform you're listening on, I wanna mention that you can buy some really dope merch from the website and get yourself a labia lounge tote, tea, togs. Yep. You heard that right.

Freya Graf:

I even have labia lounge bathers, or a cute fanny pack if that'd blow your hair back. So, if fashion isn't your passion though, you can donate to my buy me a coffee donation page, which is actually called buy me a soy chai latte because I'll be the first to admit, I'm a bit of a Melbourne cafe tosser like that. And yes, that is my coffee order. You can do a one soft donation or an ongoing membership and sponsor me for as little as 3 fat ones a month. And I also offer 1 on 1 coaching coaching and online courses that'll help you level up your sex life and relationship with yourself and others in a really big way. So every bit helps cause it ain't cheap to put out a sweet podcast, into the world every week out of my own pocket. So I will be undyingly grateful if you support me and my biz financially in any of these ways. And if you like, I'll even give you a mental BJ with my mind from the lounge itself.

Freya Graf:

Saucy. And, I'll pop the links in the show notes. Thank you. Later.

Hannah:

What is your, like, main takeaway from this? Like, what did you what do you feel, like, has changed or what information have you gathered that was kinda, like yeah. Your main takeaway, your main standout?

Freya Graf:

I don't know. I think, like, just that it was really refreshing to be in a space like that. My I guess okay. So my main takeaway is, like, I'm proud of myself for going. And I also am quite surprised because I would actually go again. I would totally go. Like, not that I, like, engage with anyone or, you know, felt like, oh my god, I'm so turned on. I wish I was having sex with someone here.

Freya Graf:

I don't think I would go for those and maybe, you know, I I'm not like a true sex party goer and I'm just a voyeur or whatever. But I would go not to, like, actually play with anyone necessarily, although I'm open to being open to that. But to just be in a social setting where you can just fucking be yourself and do whatever you want and not wear clothes and, like, just be, like, very hard on the PDA. And, like, I guess where there's this unspoken camaraderie and shared experience and, like, bonding kind of factor that you wouldn't get somewhere else.

Freya Graf:

Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Because, like, what I like, I guess, like, I when I would bump into people, a part of me was like, oh my god. Like, someone I know, shit. They're gonna think I'm, like, into this. And then I was like, wait. Well, they're here too. And also, who cares if they think I like, do you know what I mean? So it was interesting because it it challenged a few little, like, bits of residual conditioning or, I guess, like, blockages that I didn't even know were there because I hadn't put them to the test or been in this environment. And I, like, felt really, like, excited to discover that even though I'd been really disinterested in exploring that side of things, Like, for years now, I've just been, like, meh. Like, what? Like, that doesn't appeal to me.

Freya Graf:

I'm, you know, I'm very vanilla. It doesn't, you know, doesn't really get me going. It doesn't mean I can't enjoy being in the space where it's going on and relishing in the liberation of that and, like Yeah. Other people's enjoyment of that and being, like, this is fucking such a sweet place to hang out with your mates, and and have this kind of secret shared experience that, like, not many people get. Like, I I liked that, you know, it's like a secret society. And if you know, you know. And if you've been to 1, then the other people that are also there are, like, you know, now we we can feel safe with you knowing this secret part of our lives in our relationship. You know? So that was kinda cool, and it was refreshing.

Freya Graf:

And I was like, man, if they could just, like, get a better sound system and, like, really curate a good lineup. Like, if there was a a proper pumping dance floor, like, that was the thing that was missing for me. I I didn't really get a proper dance. And, honestly, if I wasn't chatting with someone or dancing, I was like, what do I fucking do with myself? Because, like, I wasn't there to have sex and do stuff. So I was like, oh, I actually do need the music to kinda give me energy and keep me going and, like, make, like, give me something to do with myself when I'm not engaging with people because I don't have the social juice to talk to everyone, like, people all night. Like, I need little breaks where I can just go and dance and be in my body. Yeah. Yeah.

Freya Graf:

So

Hannah:

yeah. Sounds super interesting.

Freya Graf:

Yeah. Interesting. Totally. I I would recommend everyone get themselves along to a sex party because, honestly, it would it's very, like even if you don't engage in any other way other than, like, kind of observing discreetly and, like, maybe having a few nice conversations with people, it's really fucking cool, as an environment to meet new people in and also a way of, like, releasing layers of shame around sex, around body image. You're, you know, like, there really is an insight, there's no shame, and there's no judgment. People are comfortable in their bodies, they're comfortable with sex. It's literally the most sex positive environment you can think of. So that in itself, like, just being in that environment, you'll get this transmission of like, you know, that will be quite healing, I think, if you do harbor any shame, around, like, you know, from the stigma and the taboo that sex kind of holds in our society.

Freya Graf:

But yeah. I mean, it's not for everyone. But seriously, if if you've got a friend to go with you and it's not too terrifying, I would give it a go. At least a big one like this because then there's so much anonymity and, like, there's so many people you can just get lost in there and not not be too worried about anything, like anyone trying to rope you into their threesome. Cool. Yeah. Do it. Yeah.

Freya Graf:

Well, there you

Hannah:

go. An hour long advertisement for, this sex dungeon.

Freya Graf:

Not for virtue advice. See if I'll get them to sponsor me. Fuck yeah. Awesome. And that's it, darling hearts. Thanks for stopping by the labia lounge. Your bum groove in the couch will be right where you left it just waiting for you to sink back in for some more double l action next time. If you'd be a dear and subscribe, share this episode, or leave a review on iTunes, then you can pat yourself on the snatch because that's a downright act of sex positive feminist activism.

Freya Graf:

And you'd be supporting my vision to educate, empower, demystify and destigmatise with this here podcast. I'm also always open to feedback, topic ideas that you'd love to hear covered, questions or guest suggestions. So feel free to get in touch via my website or over on Insta. You can also send me and TMI stories to be shared anonymously on the pod. My handle is freyagraf_thelabialounge, if my account hasn't been deleted for being too sex positive, which, you know, is always a possibility with censorship. But just in case the chronic censorship finally does obliterate my social channels, I'd highly recommend going and joining my mailing list and snagging yourself some fun freebies for the trouble at FREEBIES. Anyway, later labial legends. See you next time.