To Fake it or Not to Fake it, Period Hate, and The Unglamorous Life of a Sex Educator
This program is brought to you by Pussy Magnets.
Freya Graf:
Welcome. Welcome, my lovely lumps, or should I say lovely labs? I'm so thrilled to have you here in the Labia Lounge. We're gonna yarn about all things sexuality, womanhood, relationships, intimacy, holistic health, and everything in between. Your legs. Oh. Can't help myself. Anyway, we're gonna have vag-loads of real chats with real people about real shit. So buckle up.
Freya Graf:
You're about to receive the sex ed that you never had and have a bloody good laugh while you're at it. Before we dive in, I'd like to respectfully acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which I'm recording this, the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. It's an absolute privilege to be living and creating dope podcast content in Naarm, and I pay respect to their elders past, present and emerging. Now, if you're all ready, let's flap and do this. Oh my god. Is there such thing as too many vagina jokes in the one intro? Whatever. It's my podcast. I'm leaving it in.
Freya Graf:
Hey. Hey, all you labial ledgehammers. Welcome back to the lounge. Today, I have a beautiful darling guest, April Davis, with me. And let me give you a little rundown on what the deal is with this one. So a compelling speaker, creative consultant, visual artist, and wordsmith. April has been featured in magazines, on podcasts, and on stage sharing her wisdom, humor, and knowledge as the creator of the House of Vagina and the House of Vagina podcast. And we're talking like the cool German spelling.
Freya Graf:
So like h a u s, like house of vagina. Her passion and drive have created an entire community around female body health as she empowers women and vagina owners to love themselves fully while focusing on bringing light to taboo topics that we just don't talk about enough, like sex and periods along with self love and mental health. Fuck. Yeah. So could not be more aligned with me and my mission and my brand. I'm so excited to chat with you. Welcome, April. Pull up a clit cushion.
April:
Yes. I'm so excited to be here. Like, I I mean, you know, I love talking about all this stuff, so I'm thrilled. Thank you for having me.
Freya Graf:
So your Instagram bio just instantly won me over. I can't remember when I stumbled across you, but I remember just like, I must have seen the post. And then I read the bio, and I was like, immediate follow. It just signaled you as such a kindred spirit, fellow vag crusader. Isn't it the best when
April:
we find our people? It's like yeah. Favorite.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Yeah. So I think, like, to set the tone and give people an idea what to expect for the episode, I'm gonna read out your Instagram bio. Okay. So it is, I'm the reason you slightly tilt your phone away from others when you're scrolling. Like, that's just in a nutshell. Look at that. Oh, it's so good.
Freya Graf:
That. Yeah. It's, like, exactly exactly my vibe as well. I'm constantly getting shadow banned because of it as I'm sure you probably battle with the squad.
April:
Constantly. It's exhausting. Yes.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, basically, I was like, oh, okay. I don't even know, like, what we're gonna talk about. There's so many different top like, you're you're similar to me in that, like, overall general, like, vag sex positive, you know, cycle awareness, anatomy, pleasure, sex, intimacy, dating. And I was like, oh, I can't just pick, like, one topic to focus on, but I feel like April's gonna have so much to say on so many things that I also love talking about. So what I thought we could do is a sand in my clam episode where I might I've got, like, a couple of little things that I'm like, my my fucking clam is so sandy about this and I bet yours is too and I wanna hear your thoughts. And then if you've got anything getting sand in your clam, you can, like, bring that to the party and we can just, like, go for it.
Freya Graf:
How does that sound? I'm excited. Oh, shit. Far out, woman. What's got Sandy in your clam now? Sandy my clam.
April:
I love this. I'm in because my my clam is feeling sandy about a lot of things. I bet there's things.
Freya Graf:
But I guess, like, before we get sort of stuck into the maybe stuff, I did wanna just, like, give people an idea, a bit bit more of a clear idea about some of the things that you're, like, doing and bringing into the world. So, you can chat about this as much or as little as you like, but you've got a cycle journal around the menstrual cycle. And you also have, these things called plushies, which is like a fabric, like, textile, tactile, 3 d pussy with, like, a removable clitoris with the full three d structure, that are, like, amazing as a teaching prop and Mhmm. Yeah. I guess a cushion. Oh, yeah. I would use it as a teaching prop. Yeah.
Freya Graf:
So, I guess, like, just tell us about these if you like and, like, also how you got into doing this sort of work and why you decided to make a cycle journal and make a 3 day pussy?
April:
Oh my gosh. So much here. So I worked, I worked in childbirth for a long time as a birth assistant and also a doula. I have a background in emergency medicine, and so, it just made sense to be an assistant. I was assistant to a nurse midwife, which here in the states is a nurse practitioner with an ex like, with a emphasis in midwifery. Right? So they're able to work in and out
April:
of hospital.
April:
And so I I did home birth with her, which is amazing. So we're just her 2nd set of hands in a medical capacity, which is really cool. Also took on my own doula clients, so I was going in as just a labor support that's, like, not medical. That's the difference between a doula and a midwife for everybody listening. And so I was doing both of those.
April:
I was also doing a lot
April:
of birth photography, so I was witnessing, childbirth unfolding in a different way because I was photographing all sorts of birth. I was doula ing for all sorts of birth. And And then as a birth assistant, I was kinda seeing a lot of the same just birth unfolding as it does, you know, unaffected, an an without intrusion most of the time. So I got a really good look at the health care system here in the US and how it was treating pregnant people, especially in the childbirth space. And, after a series of kind of life events that pulled me out of being able to work on call the way I was, I was kinda left, like, I have all this information about vaginas, like, maybe too much even. And what in the world we do, because I'm seeing a lot of harm happen and I don't like it. And so how do I fix that? Because right here in the US, we are in crisis. We are seeing our maternal mortality rate going up instead of down.
April:
So it was safer to have a baby in the United States in 1985 when I was born than it is today.
Freya Graf:
Oh my god. Which is
April:
staggering. Like, I I don't like, every time I say that out loud, I'm like, I can't believe that's real.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Yeah.
April:
It's just really, really disturbing. Yeah. Exactly. Like, it it's just wrong on every level, and it's so concerning. And so my thought process was, if I can build a platform and and I can get a foot in the door during maybe, like, the birth control discussion or the teaching people how to have body autonomy discussion or, you know, like, love their bodies, respect their bodies. Also, like, have an understanding that, like, female pleasure is valid and should be talked about. That cycling is something that's going on. Like, we have so little education around all of these things that when people go into their doctor's offices and the doctor shows, you're gonna do this.
April:
They go, okay. And they don't really ask because my questions go, well, I'm not a doctor. And it's like, yeah. But you should be the expert in your body. You should have body autonomy. You should be able to stand up for yourself because I think that might be where the breakdown is in terms of more people getting killed in childbirth here.
Freya Graf:
Well, I actually didn't know that about maternal mortality.
April:
Real bad here. Like, it's really I
Freya Graf:
wonder what it's like here.
April:
Yeah. It's it's concerning. And so that was my main motivation coming into this. So and then it was like, how can I have fun with this too? Because no one wants to sit down and read a biology textbook, but we sure would love to know more about orgasms. So that kinda led to, as I started to look at educational tools around learning just about the female anatomy alone, I was so surprised to see that the majority of, like, plushies and things out on the market. The clitoris was like a doily. It was like a little flower up there. It was just a little tip of the flower up at the top.
April:
And I was like, this is doing the clitoris such a disservice. She's so much bigger than this. She deserves so much more so much more. So I was like, I want Yeah. I want this to exist. So I guess I have to make it. And then my cycles journal was the same thing. Like, there are some other great cycle tracking journals on the market.
April:
So it I'm not at all original in that way, but I didn't like any of them. And I was like, none of these are as simple and straightforward as I want them to be. I could do better. So that I kind of surveyed what was there. I mean, it was the same thing with the plushies. I surveyed what was there, and I said, no. We can do better. And so that that's what inspired me to design both of those and and create them.
April:
And and then my never ending purpose really has been to, you know, help everyone have more orgasms, but will also not get killed in childbirth here. Oh my god.
Freya Graf:
Just, like, just total opposite ends of the spectrum. Yeah. But also have, like, roaring good fucking organisms. Right? Like and that's it's funny. That much to ask.
April:
No. And those things are not different. Those two things are actually the same. That's what's so interesting. It's like you said, like because I keep thinking, like, do I need to niche down and just do menstrual? Do I need to niche down and just do sex? But I'm like, no. Those two things are so interwoven Yeah. That you can't I can't separate the 2. Because if you learn how to advocate for yourself in the bedroom around your private parts, you're gonna be that much more capable of advocating for yourself in the delivery room.
Freya Graf:
Mhmm.
April:
So orgasms and safe childbirth do go hand in hand. Knowing your cyclical nature and how to work with it does help you advocate for yourself when it comes to medical anything, really.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Yeah. Body autonomy and sovereignty and just awareness and body literacy and connection to ourselves and our cycles. I mean, all of it is so interconnected and important. Like, one affects the other, you know, and and periods, that's one end of the journey. And then sex and orgasms happens in the middle, and then childbirth kinda happens at the like, it's all part of the same kind of continuum. Oh, vaginas. So yeah.
Freya Graf:
It's Y'all come back to put the shower. Totally. Totally. Yeah. I'm really similar. Like, I I kinda haven't niched down on any one specific thing because, like, I love all of it and I find all of it so important. And as soon as you start delving into one area, you realize how interconnected and interlaced it all is. And so you can't neglect one area, you know, over another.
Freya Graf:
It's all super important, and it all impacts the other elements of that experience. So Mhmm. Yeah. Amazing. Alright. Cool. Well, speaking of orgasms, one thing I've been wanting to chat about on this podcast, and I've touched on it, I'm sure, but it really gets sand in my clam. And I've had some conversations like, recently, I took the labia lounge, to a festival, and I set up a big pussy couch, and I chatted with punters that were walking by.
Freya Graf:
Amazing. I asked them a bunch of questions. Yeah. It was pretty fun. And quite a lot of the conversations that I had, were around faking orgasm, and it really kind of, like, woke me up to just how much. I mean, I knew that this was really common and it happened a lot. But I thought people kinda like, you know, they did it, but they knew that it wasn't great. And
April:
knew better, but they knew better. They were doing it, but they say it. Right? Yeah. Mhmm.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. But then there was some there was some responses that made me really go, oh, fuck. Okay. Actually, maybe, like, this is a little bit misunderstood and some people don't actually know better. And, it's something that I educate on a lot and really encourage people to move away from for a number of reasons. And I just thought I'd throw it in there and see if you had some thoughts and we could just, you know, maybe discuss reasons why women do this and feel the need to do it, why it's become so common and normalized. And then the reasons that it really harms you and your partner or lover and every other woman out there have exact. So I'll just, like, let you chuck your 2¢ in, and we can kind of yes.
Freya Graf:
People.
April:
So much to say on this. So
Freya Graf:
the email.
April:
8 orgasms is going on my tombstone. Like, that's gonna be my legacy. I
Freya Graf:
hope so.
April:
That's amazing. There is it is only a detriment. It is only it's only bad for you. And like you said, it's it's not just bad for you. It's bad for all women. Like, it it's you are causing nothing but heartache and problems for yourself and everyone that follows you. It it's just not a thing to do. There there is one teeny tiny.
April:
So if you somehow find yourself in a dangerous situation where you have been coerced into, sex, and you're in a dangerous situation, and faking an orgasm is gonna get you out of that dangerous situation faster.
Freya Graf:
Yeah.
April:
That is about the only time. Something along those lines needs to be happening for me to go like,
Freya Graf:
oh, no.
April:
That totally makes sense why you faked. Anything else? No. No. You don't have a good enough reason. I I it's you are harming if you're in a partnership, you are telling one of the most intimate lies you can tell. Like, you are you're destroying your relationship because when does that stop? And what happens the day they find out? Like, I had someone who was like, I've been faking orgasms for 17 years in my marriage. What do I do? I'm like, I I don't know how you recover from that. You're definitely gonna need to be have a therapist involved for sure.
April:
Someone needs to mediate that because I don't know how you work through that and everyone ends up okay after lying to your partner about something so so so intimate for 17 years. Like, it it's there's there's no no way to make that better. You know? So there's that. Every single time you fake, you're reinforcing with the person that you're with the wrong thing. So it just means that you're gonna you're more likely to have to fake the next time and then the next time and then the next time. If they think that they are successful every single time and you're not not actually ever coming, they're just gonna do more of the same. And you're just gonna also keep not coming. There's no way that that does not build some sort of resentment at some point.
April:
Like, and this is just not and so and I I'm just shocked because people are like, but that how do you how what are you supposed to do? And I'm like, there's nothing wrong with high fiving your partner and saying, this was so fun. I didn't get off, but I still could. We could do this, this, or this, or maybe next time I will. Maybe next time we can focus on that a little bit more. There's nothing wrong with that. That like, I'm shocked at how many people think that's a problem, but that just really magnifies the bigger problem of people pleasing that we have and also the lack of education around female pleasure that we have. I'm really disturbed by like, I just reposted. It was so horrifically funny, but terrible.
April:
This guy had tweeted, like, in my experience, no woman I've ever been with has been interested in sex. And it's like, go ahead and just tell on yourself then. Like, but you've had sex, but no one wanted to with you, but you still had sex with them. That's interesting. So that would make you a
Freya Graf:
rapist.
April:
Oh god.
Freya Graf:
So I just I'm done with the narrative that women don't like sex. That's not true. I'm done with
April:
the narrative that we are visual creatures. We absolutely are. I'm done with the narrative that we don't orgasm easily. We absolutely do. Guess what? Lesbians have great sex and orgasm every single time. When people masturbate, they in orgasm, it's like, what, 96% of the time, women are able to bring themselves to orgasm. So, yeah, there are no numbers to back up any of this. There's no data.
April:
There's no research. There's no nothing. You should be getting off in your relationships. And if you're not, it's on you. It's actually not even your partner's fault because they should care if you're not getting off. And if they don't, you have a relationship problem. And if you're not helping them get you off, you have a problem. You need to be willing to speak up.
April:
And I know that we were not taught how to do this, and I think that's actually the the big problem here. Right? We were not taught to help Yeah. To sit down with our partners and say, hey. I don't I don't know how to orgasm with you. Let's figure this out. It's it is. It's very vulnerable to do that, but we have to start having those conversations. Because like I said before, if you learn how to advocate for for yourself in the bedroom, you are far more likely to be able to advocate for yourself in the delivery room, in your doctor's office, and in life.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Big time. Yeah. And it's, like, it's so understandable with, like, the lack of education we've had around our own bodies and, you know, pleasure and then the conditioning around people pleasing and putting others' needs and pleasure before ours. And then add to that, like, 0 fucking communication skills around a topic that's already very stigmatized, taboo. We might have shame. We might have guilt. We might, you know, just like, I get it why it's so difficult to approach this and people, you know, might not wanna ruin the mood or take up too much time and space or, be too needy or demanding.
Freya Graf:
Like, there's all of these reasons. Like, it it's that they they are real. I get it. They are very overcomeable, though. And if you're in a relationship you know, I just believe that if you're in a relationship that's got enough love and health, like, it's a healthy relationship, there's intimacy, and your partner is open to, you know, hearing some feedback and and communicating around this stuff, like, generally, they do want to please you. They want you to have pleasure. And every time you fake it, you're missing an opportunity for learning and education and for that partner to start understanding your body better and calibrating to you and your needs and your desires for you to learn about your own body because, like, a lot of women are like, I don't know what I like. I don't know how to come with a partner.
Freya Graf:
I can't relax or feel, you know, and safety is a thing. Maybe if your relationship isn't you don't feel safe enough to fully relax and surrender and let go, then, like, you need to work on connection and intimacy and vulnerability, or you need to get out of that fucking relationship because it's not the right space for you.
April:
I feel like that. And I'm like, why are you having sex with this person? You're already doing the intimate thing. Have the intimate conversation about the intimate thing. Like, we're already doing the vulnerable thing. And it and if you aren't capable if they're like, oh, I don't care if you get off. Why are we in a relationship with this person?
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. We're really selling ourselves short here by, like, not seeing our pleasure as a priority and and, you know, something we're just as entitled to as our partners. And it's just such a crying shame because we're doing ourselves a disservice. We're doing our partner a disservice because we're robbing them of this opportunity to truly know us and our body and see us in authentic pleasure. Like, so many men are, like, probably have never seen a real orgasm, but think that they're total studs in the sack because, like, women are so convincing at faking it all the time. And I just laugh when, like, a guy's like, oh, no women's ever faked it with me.
Freya Graf:
I'm like, you wouldn't know, buddy. Like No.
April:
You wouldn't know. And and this is where that community aspect aspect comes in. Right? So if you're faking and then they move on to the next relationship, and they're like, oh my gosh. I got hurt every single time. It was a breeze. I'm the best. Mhmm. No.
April:
That's and then on top of it too, you have to think not only you're harming all of those people. If you can't talk to your partner about this stuff, do you really think you're gonna be able to talk to your kids about sex in a way that they need to be talked to? Like, if you can't say vagina and vulva and labia and describe those parts Mhmm. You're not gonna be able to talk to your kids about it. And they need you to talk to them about it because they're surrounded by it. And in ways that, like, I wasn't, like, we didn't have Internet porn yet when I was in high school and junior high. The kids do now. They're seeing all of this stuff. You need to be able to talk to your kids about this stuff.
April:
So there's faking is not good for anyone.
Freya Graf:
Hey, baby babes. Sorry to interrupt. I just had to pop my head into the lounge here and mention another virtual lounge that I'd love you to get around. It's the Labia Lounge Facebook group that I've created for listeners of the potty to mingle in. There you'll find extra bits and bobs like freebies behind the scenes or discounts for offerings from guests who have been interviewed on the podcast. They'll also be, hopefully, inspiring, thought provoking conversations and support from a community of labial legends like yourself. My vision for this is that it becomes a really supportive, educational, and hilarious resource for you to have more access to me and a safe space to ask questions you can't ask anywhere else. So head over to the links in the show notes or look up the Labia Lounge group in Facebook, and I'll see you in there.
Freya Graf:
And now back to the episode. Totally. Totally. And it's like it's sort of, something that it's not just with faking, but it's just in general with, like, not not active, like no. What's the word? Oh, advocating. Not advocating. I was gonna say. Not advocating for yourself, not standing up for your boundaries, not, you know, kind of communicating your needs and desires.
Freya Graf:
Like, basically, any time you're taking the easy road and just doing the thing that's, like, more comfortable for you because you don't wanna get out your comfort zone or you don't wanna create waves or you don't wanna, you know, ruin the mood. Like, you are basically creating this, like, we are normalizing and setting a precedent for the people you're with, so often men, to basically, like, keep getting away with the bare minimum and with, like, not actually having to level up, not actually having to receive feedback or guidance. You know? And then this this kinda, like, means that because they're not used to hearing no, they're not used to getting feedback or, like, gentle guidance around, like, oh, I'd love it if you did more of this or, like, oh, I don't really like that. You know, could we maybe try something different? Or, actually, like, I didn't come. I need more of this next time. Blah blah blah. Like, they don't know how to fucking receive that, and so they're pretty then they might become, like, bad sports about it or they just don't have the tools to, like, receive it in a way that, you know, creates a safe environment where you feel really heard. And so the next person that they're with, you know, like, also has to cope that.
Freya Graf:
And because most I don't know if I yeah. I would say I would say, like, most women in, like, the dating scene I mean, everyone I speak to struggle with communication, with boundaries, with saying no, with faking orgasm. And because of that, that is literally, like, creating this environment where it's, you know, it's not asking the men to actually step up. Step up. And then it makes it harder for the next women that woman that they're with. And, you know, that we're missing so many learning opportunities and growth opportunities because we're all just too uncomfortable with pushing that edge, and we're not expecting more of men, of our lovers, of our partners. And if we all decided, it's you know, like, to make a stand to actually start to communicate more clearly, to have more, you know, sovereignty and and have our own backs more rather than just, like, doing the easy thing and putting the men's comfort and needs before ours. Like, that would inevitably start to shift the needle and mean that the standards were raised.
Freya Graf:
But, like, everyone's too scared to do that, and it fucking shits me because I'm, like, out here doing such a community service just, like, not having any of that nonsense. And I'm like, more women need to join me in doing this.
April:
Okay. And here's the thing. Good men love making women come. It's their favorite activity. So if they're not interested in that, you're with the wrong guy. Because this should be fun. Like, this should be like, hey. I am learning how to do this, and you're part of this now.
April:
So let's figure this out together. This is a fun activity. This is not a scary activity. This is not a hard activity. This is a fun activity. This is a time to get curious. Sometimes we get really goal oriented, and it's like, no. We're looking for pleasure.
April:
Right? We we wanna come out this, like, I'm learning a new life skill that I'm very excited about, and they should be just as excited to learn that life skill alongside you. Let's discover this together. Let's play with this together. Let's try new things together. If your partner is not willing to do that with you because they are lazy about this, that's not a partnership I'm interested in being in. Yeah.
Freya Graf:
Well, like, sometimes sorry.
April:
The men I know that love making women come, like, that's that's who you wanna be with. You
Freya Graf:
know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, I will just say, like, on that, sometimes it can kinda go a little too far in that direction of, like, the men making, you know, it about like, making that female orgasm means something about them and then the pressure of, like yeah. You know, like, the pressure of this woman come. Yes. Yeah. Then, you know, I think women are like, yeah.
Freya Graf:
I want I wanna I want my man to care about my pleasure, and I wanna be able to orgasm. But at the same time, as soon as it becomes a focus, as soon as that's the the goal, and as soon as I know that he is desperately trying to make me come, that's too much pressure. I can't handle that, the the expectation. And then often that's you know, often it is because he just genuinely wants to give her pleasure, but then sometimes it's because the man thinks that the female orgasm is some kind of, like, you know, like conquest or badge of honor that means he's, like, you know, more of a man or something. And then the orgasm isn't even for her. It's for him.
April:
No. And the things that these have in common is the performative nature of it. Right? Organisms should never be performative. It absolutely always should be pleasure oriented. It should be because you arrived there.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Amazing. Well, I think we kinda hashed that one out pretty early. I'd love to do the segment get pregnant and die. Don't have sex because you will get pregnant and Don't have sex in a missionary position.
Freya Graf:
Don't have don't have sex standing up. Just don't do it. Promise? Do you have a little anecdote about your sex ed in school or maybe not in school, but growing up, like, some way that sex ed failed you or maybe something amazing that you learned that you're really grateful for? I mean, I always dig a little bit because it's like, that's so rare.
April:
Oh, we, so I live in a state that doesn't have sex ed.
Freya Graf:
Fun. Lucky you.
April:
That's I grew up in one where we did, but it was pretty straightforward stuff. The quote that I absolutely love is just from Mean Girls where it's like, if you have sex, you will get chlamydia and you will die. Like, that was our joke constantly through, like, high school and stuff.
Freya Graf:
Okay. I'm just gonna stop you there because, you probably haven't heard the podcast, but the sound bite for the segment, which I edit in afterwards, is literally don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die, and it's from Mean Girls. And it's like why I called the segment get pregnant and die. Yes. Yes. So on brand. On brand.
April:
I love it. Exactly. So, yeah, that's I mean, that was always a joke. But, you know, to be honest, like, it's I grew up in Idaho, which is very practical state, and the sex ed was very practical and straightforward. And, yeah, nothing nothing too crazy. I I definitely grew up in purity culture, so surrounded by that, like, not only will you get die no. Only will you die and get diseases, but also god will be mad at you.
Freya Graf:
Oh, god.
April:
So there's just a layer of all that. Right? So that's it's tricky because then I you know, when I started this, coming from this very conservative purity culture, I had made the assumption that that was somewhat unique to the area where I lived. And then the more I've done this, the more I'm like, oh, we are not special. The entire United States of America is very much this way, but Australia has plenty of this as well. So does England. So does, you know, a lot of Western Europe and Canada. And so I was like, oh, we're this is nothing special at all. This is a problem across the board.
April:
Sex has so much shame around it. And so that's another thing I feel like I'm having to sell people on. Like, how much money have we all spent dieting, reading books about dieting, buying courses about dieting, watching YouTube videos about dieting. And, like, that's so lame. Why aren't we spending our time reading books about sex? Watching courses about sex and YouTube videos about sex because it is a worthy pursuit. And I feel like I have to sell women especially on this all the time because we have all this shit around sex. They don't place the value in it that they could. And I'm like, no.
April:
Orgasms have more value than most things in life. It's actually a really great pastime. You're gonna love it if you are doing this. And so shift your mindset. Get rid of the shame however you need to because this is so much more fun, but it is the same with menstrual education that I do. Right? There's so much shame around it. We don't place value on being cyclical beings. So I have my work is just selling people.
April:
I'm like, no. There's value in sex. There's value in being a menstrual and cyclical person. Oh my
Freya Graf:
god. Yes. Like, this is exactly my battle as well. It's, like, such a tricky industry to try because not only do you have to, like, educate people and and sell them on that before you can even then, like, help them and Yeah. Put them into your, you know, offerings or whatever. This is the perfect segue to my next thing that's getting sand in my clam that I've actually wanted to do an episode on for ages, but I didn't really know how to structure it. And, anyway, this is this is a good opportunity. And then I'll give you a you a chance to tell me what's getting sand in your clam.
Freya Graf:
But, basically, I come up against this, like, conundrum sometimes where I mean and it's hard because when people's relationship with their menstrual cycle, it's so complex. And Yes. You know, there's the conditioning. There's the shame. There's the lack of education. There's the rejection of the femininity of the female body of all of it. You know, blood, blah blah blah. And then there's so much endometriosis, PCOS, like, you know, things like PMDD or just just really horrific PMS and period pain.
Freya Graf:
So, like, I understand why people might hate their period, but when I hear someone say so, like, what'll happen usually is this, like, scenario where women will be bonding on hating their period and being like, oh my god. I've got my fucking period again. Am I right? God. I hate it. I wish I could just wish I was a man and I didn't have to do this. And I just, like, I just feel, like, so sad when I hear that. And I also wonder, like, how often and how wise would it even be? How successful would I be if I tried to, like, plant a seed or interject and and try to offer a different perspective? Like, sometimes I just feel like you know, and it happens with clients as well that come to me, having done none of this sort of work, having never read a book or done a podcast or and they've been on the pill their whole life or you know? And I just feel like, woah. I'm really starting from absolute scratch here.
Freya Graf:
Where do I begin? How do I even start presenting information to them? To the contrary of, like, yeah. Sure. Your period sucks. Like, it sucks to be a woman because you got a period. Like, that's not a joke to me and that is that's so many people's attitudes and they bond on that, resenting their period and being a cyclical being. And I just really wanna change that, but I don't know where to start, and I don't know how to I don't know, like, when it's worth picking, like, picking my battle. So I wonder, like, in in your experience when you hear that, like, what do you do? What might be a way to, like, you know, just start? Like, I don't know. It's it's a really tough one because you also don't wanna invalidate their experience and be like, yeah.
Freya Graf:
Sure. You've had, like, chronic period pain your whole life and you bleed so heavily that you have to take 2 days off work and, like but you should embrace your period. It's so beautiful. Like, people have had very traumatic experiences with their cycles. So, like, that's also very real. Mhmm.
April:
So we see the same thing in childbirth, which is really interesting. So, birth for me was empowering. Like, I I walked away from that as, like, truly, like, I am a goddess. I am a creator of life. I am I feed I feed the life I created with my body. This body this body is incredible. I I like, it changed everything for me around how I filter on my body. This the shame lifted, the desire to, starve myself.
April:
I'd had an eating disorder. Like, all those things just disappeared because I was like, I can't ever, like, disrespect my body in this way again because look at what she made. Look at what she gave me. Like, it it was so and so I that's one of the reasons I get so upset when people have negative birth experiences because I feel like they're robbed of that possible empowerment that they could have had, especially Yeah. Because we have this lack of consent and things. So we see the same thing with the menstrual cycle. I think one of the most important things you can do is broaden out. Because when you focus only on menstruation, that is one short phase of the entire menstrual cycle.
April:
And for many, that's, it's a messy phase. It's an inconvenient phase. I see a lot of internalized misogyny in this. Right? We really are living in a very patriarchal world, especially in western culture, where masculinity and productivity are praised and so much about femininity is lesser than. And so the I feel like menstruating is the pinnacle of that femininity that we have so much judgment around and frustration around. And so for me, like, I I teach a class called capitalizing on your menstrual cycle, and I've taught it to female entrepreneurs. And it is so funny to watch all of them just bristle As I talk about living uniquely on my cycle, instead of just staying in my masculine and doing the go, go, go hyper productivity culture. Because for so many of them, that's the reason that they've survived in business is because they just leaned heavy on the masculine.
April:
They've suppressed their menstrual cycle, their entire lives, like you said, with birth control, or they've tried to ignore it or the and, like, think about the messaging we all grew up with. Ignore, suppress, hide, don't tell anyone. This is gross. This is shameful. This is embarrassing. You shove that tampon in there. You put your white leotard on, and you get back out there doing cartwheels. I mean, like, that's tampon commercials.
April:
Truly. Like, I I I in my presentation, I have all the different town packs ads. They're always wearing white. It's always a short skirt early a turd. Half the time, they're upside down. And you're like, no one wants to do that on their period ever, especially in white? Like, what in the world messaging, but it's all masculine? And when you find things out, like so the menstrual cup has actually existed for much longer than tampons are, half. That was invented before tampons, like, many, many years before tampons, but it was invented by a woman, and it's reusable. So once you once you buy 1, it's 10 years and you're you're good to go.
April:
Tampons were invented by man with a marketing budget, and they're disposable. And so it's endless money. One's good for your vagina. One's not good for your vagina. Like, it's there's so much of this around menstruation. So when you zoom out and you say, let's actually look at our menstrual cycle and let's acknowledge that, we are not actually just broken versions of the male body, which this is another disservice that Western medicine has done. They have looked at the female body as a broken messed up version of the male body up until very recently. They didn't start including women in trials until 1993.
April:
They were required to. They didn't find the full anatomy of the clitoris until 2005, and they sure didn't have to include that anatomy until 2019. So when you look at the misogyny that has existed in western medicine and you look at I mean, even even when childbirth moved into the hospital, it was far more dangerous to have a baby in the hospital than with a midwife at the time. They were just killing people left and right. That's obstetrics.
Freya Graf:
Yeah.
April:
That's been obstetrics. Right? So so much misogyny, so much patriarchy around all of this. And this this is not any attack on men. This is an attack on the fact that we set our society up to serve male the male hormone cycle. So my favorite way to explain this to people, if we go out during the daytime and we look up at the sky, we have the sun rises in the east, it sets in the west. It's on a 24 hour cycle. And male hormones are exactly the same. They're on a 24 hour cycle.
April:
Male bodies are hormonally the same at 11 AM every single day. They have this nice study and they're that's that's how they cycle. It is great. 9 to 5 work caters beautifully to male hormones. Working out the same way caters wonderfully to male hormones. All all of these these messages that we've received around how to eat, how to work out, how to work, all this. This is all great for a male body. Now if you go at night and you look up at the sky, what do you see? The moon.
April:
Right? Is she waxing? Is she waning? Is she even there, or is she resting? The female body is on a 28 to 32 day cycle. We are only hormonally the same 13 days out of the year. And so when you realize this, it doesn't really make any sense to continue to try and pursue a life built on the male hormone cycle. So when we brought it out, like, this isn't just about menstruation. This is about the follicular phase. This is about ovulation. This is about the luteal phase. This isn't just about when you're bleeding.
April:
I work differently depending on what phase of the cycle I'm in. I eat differently. I work out differently. I sleep differently because I cater to my female body instead of pretending that I'm living in a male body. Interestingly enough, the more I've done that, the more my PCOS symptoms have let up. I mean, the PCOS especially, they're looking at that going, oh, you guys all have shared trauma. Interesting that you started developing male hormones in puberty in a patriarchal society that praises all male attributes. Are we surprised that PCOS is so rampant? Of course, it is.
April:
What else would our bodies do in order to survive in this society? I mean, really, honestly, it's been only in the last few years that they've started to actually research the female body. I mean, it is such an absolute embarrassment that we're here, but we are. And it is what it is. And so we have to work within that, and part of that is paying attention to our menstrual cycle and taking it seriously. I also one of my other big selling points, and this is when I get the nice, like, exhale from people where they're like, oh, during our follicular phase, which is the phase immediately after bleeding, we typically have a burst of energy. Our testosterone is on the rise, and we're really capable of living comfortably in a masculine world. This is when we get on top of maybe all our meal prep and working out feels really good and being around people feels really good. Working 9 to 5 and super structured feels really good.
April:
And we go, oh my gosh. Everything's I'm doing great. I'm on top of it. I'm doing we go through ovulation even. We're like, oh, libido. I even wanna have sex all the time. Like, I am a man living in a man's world. Life is good.
April:
But when that hormone crash happens after, when we lose our testosterone, when we lose our estrogen, when progesterone comes up on the rise in luteal, suddenly trying to keep up with that follicular phase energy is painful. And then we see the shame come in. The why can't I keep up anymore? Why do I feel like I'm failing all the time? Why is this so hard? Then we have the crash of all of those, which we know is PCOS or not PCOS, PMS that happens midway through our luteal phase. And it's like, I am failing at everything. I don't know if I even wanna do all this anymore. This is also hard. If you know all those things are gonna happen every single cycle and you just plan for it, life suddenly becomes so so easy. And when you're no longer holding yourself to a follicular face standard, when you're in luteal, the peace, the, like, exhale, the trust in your body, it changes everything.
April:
And so this is how I talk about being a cyclical person instead of, like, I love my period. It is my favorite when I bleed all over the place. It is not messy or inconvenient at all. Is that you're absolutely right. That completely invalidates people's experience and is not helpful. It is absolutely inconvenient to bleed, especially in the world that we live in. Right? It is inconvenient to need to rest and sleep a little bit more. It is inconvenient to be on a 28 day cycle in a world that was built for people that have 24 hour cycles.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Yeah.
April:
So when you start to, like, acknowledge that, when you nudge your life over to living on that type of cycle, instead of holding yourself to this weird expectation of being a man with a male hormone cycle.
Freya Graf:
It just feels so good. Excuse this quick interruption. I'm shamelessly seeking reviews and 5 star ratings for the potty because as I'm sure you've noticed by now, it's pretty fab. And the more people who get to hear it, the more people I can help with it. Reviews and ratings actually do make a big difference to this little independent podcaster, And it's really easy to just quickly show your support by taking that simple act of either leaving 5 stars for the show on Spotify or, even better, writing a written review and leaving 5 stars over on Apple Podcasts. Or if you're a real overachiever, you can do them both. That would be mad. If you're writing a review though, just be sure to use g rated words because despite the fact that this is a podcast about sexuality, words like sex can be censored and your review won't make it through the gates.
Freya Graf:
Lame. Anyway, I would personally recommend doing that right now while you remember just to get on top of it and let me know you're with me on this journey. Thanks, gang. Enjoy the rest of the epi. Totally. I think, like and that's kind of my approach with with everything that I try to kinda get people to see a different perspective of around sex, around orgasm, around what we expect of our bodies, my my approach is like, oh, like, just don't hate your body though because your body is, like, kind of functioning how it's designed to, but in a broken system and in a patriarchal system and according to, you know, a framework that's literally designed for male bodies and a male hormone cycle and male sexual arousal and and orgasm. Like, most of the time, you know, it's not your body that's at fault or that's malfunctioning or not doing what it's supposed to. It's just the perspective that you've got is like it's not doing what it's supposed to do because we're in this, like, patriarchal structure, and we're expecting and demanding of our bodies stuff that they're not physiologically designed to do in ways that they're not designed to function.
Freya Graf:
And so I guess, like, yeah, my approach is usually, like, okay. How can I just get them to have a little bit more compassion for themselves and their bodies and understand that, like, you know, it's not you against your body and, like, how dare your body be so inconvenient and messy and painful? It's like it it is, you know, that only feels inconvenient and and messy and potentially, like, also painful like the PMS and these sorts of symptoms often are a result of trying to force yourself and your female body and hormones, you know, into a male it's like triangle into a fucking circle. You're just trying to fit the peg in the wrong hole, and then you're feeling like there's something wrong with you and, like, you're broken. And then you get mad at your body and you resent it and you resent being a woman because of it. And then we all bond on that, when really, like yeah. That we're just being pitted against our bodies because we're in such a a male dominated system. So yeah. Oh, god.
April:
Well, and it's hard to because I think some days we get into these discussions about how patriarchal society is, and it's like that I'm not pointing a finger at the current men that exist. I mean, obviously, we do have some that are supporting this and then continuing it. Right? But the vast majority were born into this just as much as we were. And so this isn't it is it's accepting what it is and then figuring out how to work within that framework. Right. Removing some of the judgment around it too at the same time because
Freya Graf:
Yeah.
April:
We weren't often taught that we're cyclical. I I cannot even tell you, like, whenever I've taught maturation to, like, 5th graders, the moms have more questions than the kids do because they weren't they weren't taught this information. They don't know this stuff. They wish they knew this stuff. Same with even as I, I did an entire series on Instagram where I just, did a real every single day of my cycle to kind of show what I was doing differently, what I was, you know, putting my energy into when I wasn't like, what I was withdrawing from. And Mhmm. That network messages I got from people that were just like, what? Like, I just I'd never put this together without a visual of, like, how different I am as I move through my cycle. We would never ask the sun to be the moon, and we would never ask the moon to be the sun.
April:
This is just as ridiculous that we are expected to to stay on the standard. Like, I used to love the phrase, like, anything you can do, I can do bleeding. And now I'm like, no. I I don't want to. I don't wanna do anything you're doing. I actually would like to lay down and not do any of that.
Freya Graf:
Totally. Totally. Yeah. Agreed. Alright. Well, before I ask you what's getting sand in your clam lately, do you have a TMI story for us for the the segment TMI?
April:
Oh, TMI. Like like, give me what do you wanna know?
Freya Graf:
Could be literally anything. I mean, like, it doesn't have to be sex related or period related either. It can be mental health related. Basically, any topic that's a little bit stigmatized or taboo that usually people would be like, oh, that's a bit TMI to bring up at the dinner table. You know? I just think, yeah, this segment's all about demystifying, destigmatizing, normalizing talking about the stuff that doesn't get talked about, and that's kinda your jam as well. So anything that's been designed really. Yeah. Okay.
April:
So first thing coming to mind because I think it is so funny. I use my menstrual fluid to water all my houseplants and and my appliances as well. And it stresses people out. They just can't, like so you will absolutely get it. But I my absolute favorite is explaining to vegans that the plants that they're eating are probably not vegan because blood meal is actually very common fertilizer. It's often used because it's a byproduct of butchering. And so a lot of farming uses blood from butchered animals to feed their crops. People don't like knowing this.
April:
And so here in my home, I have a very symbiotic relationship with all my houseplants because, there are a lot of really essential nutrients and blood that plants need and love and thrive on. And so if you want a quick easy way to green, like bring some greeneries to your plants and some new life to them and and growth, using a menstrual cup or even period underwear, soaking it in a pitcher and really diluting it down, and then using that to one of
Freya Graf:
your houseplants is great.
April:
And people are like,
Freya Graf:
oh, I have dogs and
April:
blah blah. And I'm like, I have dogs too and children. They do not get into any of this. My house does not stink. Like, it does not smell like blood in here. Like, people, you know, are freaked out by it. And I love it. Like, I love knowing that, like, I have this byproduct that I'm not doing anything with that they all love, and they're giving me all this amazing clean oxygen.
April:
And so why not exchange, you know?
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. I do that too. Yeah. Amazing. Thank you. Alright.
Freya Graf:
Well, before we wrap up, what's getting sand in your clam, April?
April:
I think the thing that is making me the absolute sandiest right now really is just that I'm very, very worried about the United States of America right now. We are not heading in the right direction in terms of women's health care, and it's getting scary. I felt so bad. I was on a podcast a couple weeks ago, and I was in, like, a real dark place about it. And I it's not a fun podcast guest because I'm so, like, there is no hope. It's all really bad. Like,
Freya Graf:
I, like, just was completely
April:
And so, but it it is it's tricky. I am feeling a little bit hopeless about it right now. We are seeing, pregnant women dying in our emergency rooms right now because if you go to an emergency room pregnant, they are turning people away because they don't want they can't be put in a position where they might need to perform an abortion in a lot of states. And unfortunately, you know, people think of abortion just as, ending a pregnancy willy nilly for funsies and that is not what abortion access is about. Oftentimes, abortion's necessary if you are in the middle of a miscarriage, or having some other health concern. And a lot of states, even if they allow for an abortion, the mother doesn't die, they don't allow for an abortion for the health of the mother. So you might be dying, but because you're not on the brink of death, they can't do anything, which I'm like, no health care professional should be like, okay. As soon as she stops breathing, then we can you know? Like, that's crazy, but that's kind of what we're seeing right now.
April:
And so it's it's really hard. We also had some there was a a big American influencer who, participated in some stuff 2 weeks after giving birth. And everyone was in an uproar about it. And 1 in 4 working women here in United States are back at work 2 weeks after delivery. And
Freya Graf:
What the fuck? Yeah. They don't have a choice.
April:
We don't have paid leave. Hello, prolapse. Hello hello death. I mean, like, if anyone's surprised, our maternal mortality rate is going up and not down. So I bet like, between the the lack of health care that we already are suffering from, and then then the, like, lack of reproductive care that we're now suffering from, plus the lack of paid family leave or even a guaranteed maternity leave. I mean, if you're lucky, you can get 6 week 6 weeks unpaid, but that's if you're in a career position. If you're an hourly employee, you don't get maternity leave. You're just supposed to come back to work.
April:
And at that, we are harming women at just intolerable rates here. And it's really concerning me, and I don't I don't see a way out at this point because capitalism and greed have got to the place that they have. So so that weighs heavily on my mind every single day. It's weird because I feel like I'm carrying this grief around that has nowhere to go, And I I'm doing everything I can online to, like, bring awareness to this without, like like, killing the vibe.
Freya Graf:
You know what I mean? And also being shadow banned because, you know, like, we we are penalized for talking about this real shit that's actually going on.
April:
Yeah. I do know that saying bodies are not political, and then I got flagged as a political account. And so now people are no longer seeing my content because they got flagged as political. And that's just really frustrating. It feels like one heavy uphill battle every day. And I've been doing this on Instagram for over 6 years now, and it's been that way the entire time with, like, there's no guarantee my account could be taken away at any point because of the things that I'm talking about and constantly shadow banned and now I'm political. And it's a lot to juggle. And some days, I'm like, I don't wanna do this anymore because it's too hard.
April:
But also, then I have people come up to me. Like, I taught at a retreat 2 years ago, and I ran into a woman that was an attendee there. And she came up to me and she said, I listened to what you said at that retreat 2 years ago, and I made a commitment that that day, I would never fake an orgasm again. And she was like, it has been 2 years. I've had an orgasm almost every single day since then, and I have never faked. If my partners can't get things taken care of, I sure can. And she's, like, gonna advocate for myself differently now. And I I mean, I just sobbed because that's the work.
April:
Right? Like
Freya Graf:
Yeah.
April:
So I, like, love it, and I'm completely worn out all at the same time.
Freya Graf:
Yes. Oh my god. I'm exactly I am there and there with you. I know. I saw you do a post saying, like, I think it's this this trend about, like, oh, social media doesn't show you how it really is. And one of your things was, like, I'm literally questioning, like, every day if I can keep going with this work, I'm considering quitting because, like, honestly, yeah, being being controversial and trying to play in this space and educate and bring awareness to these topics, like, you know, that the patriarchal powers that be don't want awareness brought to. It it fully it exhausts you. It wears you thin, like, you know, and I was so I was like, oh my god.
Freya Graf:
I can relate to that so much. Like, every day, I'm like, why the fuck can I keep doing this? Do I have what it takes? Like, I'm so exhausted. I'm so burned out. I'm so disillusioned and jaded. And I haven't made enough money to survive. Like, for so many years, I've been slogging away, and I cannot make a living from this. Like, it's just I'm in such a constant state of state of stress and nervous system kind of dysregulation around money, around, like, business, and it's just like honestly, it's devastating because, like, yes, at the same time, I'll have so many people contact me or come up to me and be like, oh my god. You changed my life working with you or your podcast or that workshop you did, like, absolutely changed my life and never give up.
Freya Graf:
Don't stop doing it. I'm like And then
April:
we use support groups so we can just get together and sob endlessly because that's I'm like, I just need to let myself cry about this every day, and then maybe I'll feel better. Maybe that will regulate my nervous system because I have the same thing where you're like, I'm putting myself through a lot of stress, and it's not supporting my family. It's it's not supporting even itself barely. You know what I mean? Like, it it is so aggravating, but the reward of how of changing people's lives is so incredible.
Freya Graf:
It's like yeah. Because we we get to it's rare that, like, you know, your career is so unbelievably nourishing and rewarding and you do something so important and you get to see that and the results of that. And, you know, I am so passionate about it and it is the most purposeful and meaningful thing I could be doing with my life. But at the same time, I'm like, well, I'm shooting myself in the foot because I'm setting myself up for, like, poverty, and I'm just I've got this existential dread and, like Mhmm. Yeah. Just stress all the time. I'm like, is this, like, is this am I I just feel like a martyr now. I'm like, well, I'm helping so many people, and I'm leading a really meaningful life.
Freya Graf:
But is this right if it means that I I'm sacrificing my own well-being because I can't make ends meet? Like, what the fuck do I do? Like, we need some, angel investors to be like, you guys are doing gold's work. I will, like, pay you money just, you know, or just, like, all of the censorship to fuck off so we can buy paid ads and market our businesses and get in front of more people that need it. But it's like we are pitting ourselves against, you know, things like the patriarchy, things like big pharma, things like, you know, the media porn industry, everything everything that benefits and profits off, like, women's insecurities and commodifies like, yeah. It's yeah. The medical system. Fuck me. Oh my god. Also, while I remember it, because you were just talking about the late stage abortion and stuff, There's actually I'm pretty sure she's Aussie, a woman called Asha Daya.
Freya Graf:
I think that's how you her last name's d a h y a. Anyway, she's done a documentary called someone you know, and it's all about late stage abortion, and and how many women are dying because they are not allowed access to this, and it's horrific. And she does a really good job of, I guess because people when you think about I mean, people already are up in arms about abortion in general, but then when you think about late stage abortion, like, it's a fully grown baby, people yeah. Like you said, they think, like, that means you've just fucking changed your mind and, like, don't want it. And it's like, no. It's always because of medical complications where you're you know, the baby's probably gonna die anyway, and it's also gonna kill you in the process. And women are literally dying all the time because in America, in particular, because they won't they don't have access to abortion, even when it there's so many complications that, like, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that they are gonna die and the baby. And so yeah.
Freya Graf:
Like, yeah. Check check out that. She's the founder of Girl Talk HQ, and she's got a documentary called someone you know. Yeah. Fuck. Oh my god. It is it's so hard not to just wanna, yeah, get out.
April:
Done with this and get
Freya Graf:
a a job. I mean, the thing I don't know what I would do at this point. Like, I probably couldn't work a 9 to 5. Like, I No.
April:
We've worked so hard in what we've built. I mean, that's the other frustrating thing is like I've built this. I love it. I love it when I love it. It drives me absolutely crazy all the rest of the time. And, yeah, like we talked about, the reward is so special. It gets
Freya Graf:
you in it. Yeah.
April:
Nice. It absolutely does. So yeah.
Freya Graf:
Yep. Lordy Lord. Well, there's some serious real talk for you guys. A bit of, like, breaking the 4th wall behind the scenes of of us I can't exactly do that. This. I'm doing technical group art, honestly. Like well. Yeah.
Freya Graf:
I'm not talking about this. Oh my god. You're far out. Yeah. But, you're welcome, everyone. Have some more free talk to
April:
everybody. Score because I'm, like, trying to find this balance between, like, hey, let's have more orgasms. Also, your health may be at serious risk. Maybe don't have sex with anyone just in
Freya Graf:
case. You know? Because you might die. You actually might have some death.
April:
You might explain the way things are going. Yeah. I'm so god. Yeah.
Freya Graf:
Wow. It's So doom and gloom. But it's real. It's fucking real. And, like, I think that you and I have such a sense of humor that, like, carries us through and presents this content. But sometimes it's like, well, it's not fucking funny though, guys.
April:
No. No. It's it is hard. Will cry. That's truly like yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Aw. Well, thank you so much, April. Is there anything you wanna direct people towards or plug when it comes to your work and stuff you've got going on at the moment before we wrap up? Hey, Megan. If you'd like to support the potty and you've already given it 5 stars on whatever platform you're listening on, I wanna mention that you can buy some really dope merch from the website and get yourself a labia lounge tote, tea, togs. Yep. You heard that right. I even have labia lounge bathers or a cute fanny pack if that'd blow your hair back.
Freya Graf:
So, if fashion isn't your passion though, you can donate to my buy me a coffee donation page, which is actually called buy me a soy chai latte because I'll be the first to admit, I'm a bit of a Melbourne cafe tosser like that. And yes, that is my coffee order. You can do a one stop donation or an ongoing membership and sponsor me for as little as 3 fat ones a month. And I also offer 1 on 1 coaching coaching and online courses that'll help you level up your sex life and relationship with yourself and others in a really big way. So every bit helps because it ain't cheap to put out a sweet podcast, into the world every week out of my own pocket. So I will be I'm dyingly grateful if you support me and my biz financially in any of these ways. And if you like, I'll even give you a mental BJ with my mind from the lounge itself. Salty.
Freya Graf:
And, I'll pop the links in the show notes. Thank you. Later.
April:
Yeah. So I I mean, we talked about it. If you had over, do house a vagina and, like, exactly. Like I said, it's the German spelling because you know? But It's what came off on.
Freya Graf:
China dot
April:
com. Right? You can pick up one of my plushies if you're an educator or even a parent or a teacher. They're fantastic for teaching about the female anatomy, and I, obviously, I love them. And then if you do wanna learn more about how to live cyclically like what I talked about, pick up a copy of my journal. It's like a really easy way to learn how to live with your cycle and work with it. It includes like a daily gratitude practice and a goal setting so that you're setting goals that kind of go along with which phase of your menstrual cycle that you're in so that you really can optimize your life around your cycle and embrace cyclical living, instead of finding it or being surprised by it. Like, it's so funny to me how many, you know, 40 year old women are like, oh my gosh. I didn't know I was getting my period on vacation.
April:
And I'm like, how did you not
Freya Graf:
know your period was coming?
April:
But, I mean,
Freya Graf:
that's so weird to it this big time. Right?
April:
Yes. It is.
Freya Graf:
Yeah. Amazing. Alright. Well, definitely head over and grab those guys. Like, I'm a massive fan as we know who of tracking my cycle and just being aware of what's going on and why I feel the way I do on any given day of my cycle, and structuring my life accordingly because it really does make a big difference. And yeah, I've I've I've never actually had, like, a convenient little, you know, journal. Like, what a perfect resource. I've just got my I made my own cycle tracking chart printout that I just whack on the fridge.
Freya Graf:
Very, very basic. But, yeah, love journaling. Yeah.
April:
That's all you need. I was I tell people, I'm like, if it's an app for you, get an app. If it's a single sheet that's on the fridge, do that. Right? Like, pick a thing that's gonna add to your life and make it easy to build that habit and then run with it.
Freya Graf:
Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Needing to get myself a plushie as well. That sounds that sounds like something I would use frequently in my line of work.
April:
Everyone needs 1.
Freya Graf:
Alright, my love. Thank you so much for such raw, honest transparency. Like, I love these sorts of chats. I think they're so important to have. And, yeah, I really rate your work, respect what you're doing in the world, and I'm proud to be, yeah, kindred spirits and and a fellow vag crusader alongside you.
April:
Glad you're glad to have you by my side.
Freya Graf:
Bye, everyone. And that's it, darling hearts. Thank you for stopping by the labia lounge. Your bum groove in the couch will be right where you left it, just waiting for you to sink back in for some more double l action next time. And in the meantime, if you'd be a dear and subscribe, share this episode or leave a review on iTunes, then you can pat yourself on the snatch because that, my dear, is a downright act of sex positive feminist activism. And you'd be supporting my vision to educate, empower, demystify and destigmatize with this here podcast. Also, I'm always open to feedback, topic ideas that you'd love to hear covered or guest suggestions. So feel free to get in touch via my website atfrerograph.com or say hi over on Insta.
Freya Graf:
My handle is freya_graf_ymt and I seriously hope you're following me on there because damn, we have fun. We have fun. Anyway, later labial legends. I'll see you next time.